My mom (86) and dad (88) are probably going to the nursing home. He is physically declining more every day. He can't hardly walk. He is in the wheelchair. His back is hurting him because of a fall months ago and he is just sitting or laying. We try to get him to walk. He cries a lot, which breaks my heart. My mom is mental. She has a had a complete breakdown where she can't think or do anything for herself. She will be focused one minute then she will tell me the same thing over and over again. She says she and dad need to go to the nursing home. They can't clean, cook, or bathe by themselves. She is scared to be by herself day and night. On days that it is not my turn, I feel like I am a bad daughter because I am not there. I can't relax even when I am not there. I know others have it harder than me, but right now I feel like I can't breathe. I have panic attacks. I feel such sadness. My heart is breaking.
I just needed to talk.
The worst part of the move is over--the DECISION to go and be ok with it!
Please don't put this off any longer. Dad sounds like he needs far more care than you can provide and mom is with it enough to know you can't care for her--get them into a home where they can have their needs met.
And DO NOT feel one iota of GUILT over this. They're practically begging for this to happen.
I am not clear on the financial situation with all of this. If this is not an issue then try to place them soon. Hopefully there won't be a waiting list with places that have good reviews.
Caregiving is a team effort. The professionals provide the physical care, and your job is to provide the loving care. Now you'll be able to do that, and that IS what's best for them.
Thank you for responding.
Is there a reason why your parents are not already in senior living or a nursing home? Time to get the ball rolling, to make both their lives easier and yours. If budgeting for the cost is an issue, Medicaid [different from Medicare] will help out. Call your State Medicaid office to see what is the process, and get the paperwork started to see if your folks qualify.
Getting your parents on a routine will help them, and that can happen in a nursing home. I remember how much better my Dad was after he moved into senior living/memory care. Your Dad would feel better too as he probably realizes that he is too much work for your Mom. And your Mom will start doing better knowing she has help right outside of her door.
Now you can start being a "daughter" again instead of a "caregiver".
Now, don't wait another minute, start getting the ball rolling today.
In my experience the nursing home is kind of a culture shock at first but it's really not as awful as you fear it will be... in many ways your parents will have much better care there and your mother will have trained people to turn to instead of you. 🤗