I am new here. I am a long distance caregiver, going down to CA to stay with my mom and step-dad for a week or two twice a year to get a "boots on the ground" assessment of their situation.

My mom has had three, maybe more "mini-strokes" in the past several years. Her judgement and behavior has changed dramatically in the past several months. She has refused to go to the doctor for the tests needed to determine what has been going on. I described her behavior and confusion to her doctor and he said she is experiencing "executive function" deficits.

She and my step-dad still live at home with in-home assisted living for 4 hours three days a week. A regular housekeeper comes in on Thursdays.

My step-dad is well on his way into the long bittersweet goodbye of the "Big A". He has become a very sweet man of 92. He has been so ready to move to a skilled care community for several years now. He gave up driving only this year.

My eighty-six year old mother flat out refuses to move to what she calls "the catacombs" and gets very emotional about the thought of moving out of her home of thirty years. My mother's general confusion, poor attention span, hostility, and paranoia has turned her into a very disagreeable person. Emotionally she is sometimes like a cranky six year old child or a very pouty, sullen fourteen year old. She is also insulin dependent diabetic with severe neuropathy, severely arthritic hips and issues in her lower back. Even with a walker her steps are slow and painful. Oh, and she has occasional bowel incontinence. Last Tuesday she was supposed to go to the doctor for her quarterly review and a CT or MRI scan of her head. I went to the doctor with my step-dad and step-brother and told the DR about her two near misses, fouled underwear, and the poop I had to clean up on the carpet between the living room and bathroom.

I think she has had mini-strokes that have muddled her cognitive skills, her judgement and personality in general.

Both my step-brother and I know they should be living in a skilled care community but how do we talk my mother into it? Her refusal to move has been a horrible burden on my step-dad and she can't see how it's hurt him! I am afraid the only way one of them will move to a care community is when the other is hauled out of the house in a body bag!

I know I'm venting, but its nice to know there is an online community where I can talk to others in my situation. Fortunatly I have no kids of my own. But I do have a wonderful husband here at home. I feel like a sandwich anyway.

Thanks for listening.

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GizaCat I hope you have legal documents in place a power of attorney that will put you in control if mom can't make the decisions. The dr will evaluate her competency which looks like he has a pretty good idea of whats happening.

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