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My father will not shower for 2 months and where the same clothes. He does not clean of any kind around the house. He lays on the couch 24/7 - where he eats, sleeps and spends the day. He will have explosive bowels and matter splattered throughout the bathroom and himself. He leaves his dirty pants on the bathroom floor for days. He pees in the kitchen sink. He screams God damn it to me if I try to discuss anything. I am emotionally dying and physically drained. None of my siblings help because he is so ruthless to them.


He tells me I don't need to talk and to not come around when I'm on my menstrual cycle.


I cook dinner and other meals daily. I clean the house for him to carelessly wreck it again. I check the mail, clean the kitty box, take garbage out, go grocery shopping and pick up prescriptions. He falls all the time refuses to help himself. All he does is lay on the couch and take pills.


I need to walk away but I do love him. I can no longer sacrifice my happiness for his selfish needs.

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Hello Jchelser,
OMG you speak my life! My dad too does not try to be hygienic. He makes a mess and leaves it. I hate going to his house because its so dirty. I used to clean it for him only to see it a mess again a week later. an example would be he spills liquid and leaves it there and continuously drives through it on his scooter all over the house. He CAN use a mop. He CAN pick up his trash. He CAN stop eating in his bed. He CAN use a vacuum. He CHOOSES not too. He started paying a maid to clean his house. After a while she said she had to move out of town. So my dad asked me if I wanted to clean his house and he would pay me.
I told him no. I decided my mental health was worth more. he can find another maid. My dad too, is depressed. Makes comments about ending his life. He has been put on suicide watch 3 times at the hospital. He refuses mental help because "he knows more than a psychiatrist knows". Yet, constantly texting me about how is life is not worth living if it weren't for me. He leans on me very hard to be his happiness. I hate that. I have to tell him I can't be everything to him.
I only recently realized that I alone am not responsible for his happiness. That he made countless decisions in his life that put him where he is at now. I agree with these people. Get adult protective services involved and go on with your life.
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Thankyou for the update. Some folk share, seek advice but unfortunately probably stay bogged. But not you. You've got this. You can see the big picture - including where the responsibilities lie. Unfortunately some people don't want to be helped, or may need to reach rock bottom before they turn things around.

I hope your Dad becomes ready to accept help in his future & gets on a better path.

Your future can start now. Finding a new home, making it a place to nurture you & bring that healing & peace
🦋🦋🦋.
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Thank you everyone. I apologize I'm 43 years old and he is 73.
I moved in as a temporary set back and soon realized he was not okay at all alone.

He has been diagnosed with depression. He has been recommended to see a therapist and he told them to f***! Off.
I did reach out to his primary two years ago and told her all that was going on. She was able to hear me but not respond do to HIPPA.

I will contact APS. There is not a legal guardian. However he is still married to my mother who left him 7 years ago for all these qnr more reasons after 42 years together. So I believe she is the nok in Oregon. However she is u willing to discuss it with him because she believes he is just lazy and manipulative. So this whole situation Pulls at my heart strings because he is my father and I do love him but the insane things he puts me thru are getting unbearable.
Not to mention my other 3 siblings could care less to even visit regardless of my attempts to reach out and make them aware.

Its all too much someday. I left a 10 year narcissistic abusive relatiobship who was just like my father. I can't heal here.
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Your profile says Dad is 43 with dementia/Alzheimer's. Did I read this right??

Did you move in because you needed accomodation?

Or did you move in to care for him?

Either way, that WAS the plan. It doesn't work so a NEW plan is needed.

What medical or mental conditions has Dad been diagnosed with?

Is he deemed compentant? If so, advise Dad you are moving out. Advice his Primary Doctor & report to APS (as a vulnerable adult) if you feel necessary, then go.

If not deemed compentant, who is his legal Guardian? If you, speak to his Doctor about how to get the proper care for him.

If he is not deemed competent but there is no legal Guardian you will need legal advice for your state.
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If he's falling all the time and is not sanitary, then he needs more help than you as a sole caregiver can provide. I agree to call adult protective services so that they can come up with a plan to keep him safe and you sane.
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Call APS, for him, then pack your bags and move out, for you.
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