The hard part is over.
I'm matching you with one of our specialists who will be calling you in the next few minutes.
I had no life unless someone chose to hang out with me & Mom.
Now that she is in Memory Care Home, I have a life, I get together with friends, I travel, etc. I am not ready, or frankly, willing to give up my life just yet, and if Mom were in her right mind, she would agree. She certainly never made any sacrifices to care for her Dad when he was aging.
Are you able to connect with friends via phone at least?
And on the whole FB thing, I try to only post positive stuff, so if you don't know me well, you have no idea that my life is filled with the same daily struggles everyone else faces. I'm pretty sure that's what most people do with FB.
I feel sorry for myself too sometimes...it's healthy to embrace it, somehow easier for me to work through if I allow the self-pity.
I'm no longer on the same page as my friends. I don't miss them, actually, but what I miss is who I was when I was with them. Before solo caregiving both parents, I had a successful career, a fiance, tons of friends, etc. Most importantly, I was genuinely happy. Caregiving has changed me. After my caregiving role ends, then I'll have the time to meet people and develop friendships but these friendships will be different...perhaps with more soul and depth because when you are caregiving very ill family members, you learn what's really important in life. My former friends were too superficial. I just can't relate to that anymore. After I'm done with caregiving, I want to live life to the fullest because I've painfully learned how precious it is to be in good health - and I plan to maintain this until I die as I refuse to end up like my parents. No way.
Don't hate yourself for feeling sorry about yourself. Everyone on this forum has experienced this from time to time. You just have to remind yourself that your situation is temporary and try to find the silver lining. I firmly believe things happen for a reason and it's actually because of my caregiving that I'm on a much better path in life. Perhaps a new and better door will open to you during your caregiving journey. Learn from this journey.
I've chosen not to socialize because I'm starting a business so that by the time my mother passes away, I'm financially set to accomplish my dreams. I'm also starting the business because I'm so tired of people telling me I'm such a good daughter - as if I have no other aptitude for a "real" career in their eyes.
You have a choice. Find someone to give you relief - just one day a week - so you can get out and meet people. There are plenty of groups that meet during the day on Meetup dot com. Check out your local city calendar of events. Where I live, there's a magazine published every three months listing all types of affordable classes (pottery, photography, cooking, arts/crafts, tennis, etc) happening at the local community centers.
I feel that I have the freedom now to pick up and go. So far my Mom seems to be clean, fed and taken care of.