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I blew it this morning. Mom, who has mid stage dementia, can not operate the microwave. This morning she was impatient and put cereal in and made a mess in the microwave. Not only that, I don't know what she pushed, but she locked the contol panel so I couldn't stop the thing. The fan was on full throttle! I found the manual but it didn't help. Of course, I knew she was upset that she caused the problem I kindly reminded her that I would gladly help her. She got defensive and angry. (Mind you the fan was still blaring in the background) She was yelling that she is my mother and even raised her hand to slap me. I raised my voice too and told her I will not tolerate her threatening me. Now, I regret even raising my voice, but it's too late. She is avoiding me, staying in her room. I will apologize. I just wish I could erase the scene. By the way, I unplugged the thing which seems to have reset the microwave, fixing the problem. What would you do now?

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CG, don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a loving daughter. Once my mom put microwave on 60 minutes instead of 60 seconds. We came into a house full of. Smoke. She had gone back to bed.
It's hard what we do, seeing our moms decline with age. We still want them to be our "mommy's". Hugs.
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Good Point, JessieBelle! Thanks.
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Thanks, Here4her. I did apologize and things have simmered down a bit. I don't usually raise my voice to anyone so I feel really bad. I don't want to psycho analyze it here but I think that in this stressful situation, (annoyed that she didn't call for help and trying to figure out what to do to stop the microwave) my inner child responded to my abusive "childhood" mother, something that hasn't happened before. There have been other incidents, since we moved her in with us, in which she threatened me but I have handled them better.

We realize this is hard on her. In fact, it's harder on her than on us. We understand what the problem is and she can't accept that there is a problem. She's frustrated and angry much of the time except in the presence of others. This is typical behavior, we get it. Thanks for letting me vent!
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cg, my mother and I have had some real matches of the wills. Mothers and daughters often do that, even when we daughters know the mother is not really at fault. We are just human. An apology, especially mentioning that moms & daughters sometimes clash, goes a long way. These things usually blow over when we've had a chance to sleep on it. Hope this is the case for you.
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Keep it unplugged. Take the stove knobs off
Tell her you love her and do something special with her so she knows you really love her. Ask forgiveness even if you don't feel wrong. pray for tolerance.
I know its tough the stress of caregiving, it's tough on her too.
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