I left last week to see my mother. I drove 4 hours and when I got to my step brother's house my mother was standing there with swollen legs and feet, breathing shallow and also talking like a frog. I asked how long she has been like this and my step brother's wife (SSIL) said she just got that way. I immediately took her to the ER and she was admitted with pneumonia, hypertension, anemia.
This was the second hospitalization and the 3rd time she was seen in the ER in one month. I stayed at the hospital with her the entire time. I realize this is very stressful for ALZ patients but the entire time I was there she accused me of stealing her shoes and clothes, told nurses she hated me and that she raised me better than this. I took it all on the chin and said nothing. Then I expressed my concerns to the nursing staff about her going home to the AL facility because I felt she was not being taken care of, told no when she wants to go to the doctor and imo only that I would like to take her home for a week to let her get better.
Fast forward to the night she went "home" I told my SF, SB and SSIL that she is very sick and needs rest. My step brother jumped up off the couch, came around the back of it and told me "if she needs rest, she needs to go home with me". My SF seconded the motion. I was glad. Next morning I went to the AL to take her home with me and mom did not want to go with me. My SF kept telling her he wanted her to go. In the meantime, my SSIL called the ALF and made arrangements to have mom sit in the lobby so that they could "watch" her. When the head nurse told me that, it was the first time I blew up. I went so far as to tell them that I was furious, I was taking her home and "furthermore there is all kind of OTC meds that my SF was told NOT to buy mom and once again I am taking it out of the apt (the whole hand on my hip, head bouncing like a crazy woman thing). I told them that when I came back in a week there would be a "come to Jesus" meeting and that I wanted a home assessment because I had just moved things out of the way and now there were more things piled in mom's bedroom and that I did not want her falling because of my steps negligence.
Well, needless to say I have kept things bottled up long enough and am waiting for the durable power of attorney to go through with the doctors office. Oh dear, not the first time in two days I lost it. This morning my mother would not cooperate with me and accused me of stealing her money and (my SF gave me some money for her and I put it in my purse) keeping her from getting medical attention. Of course her mood escalated and my stress level did too. She started packing her clothes and told me I was awful because I would not take her to the dr (I had an appt scheduled for her to see my primary care dr at 2:30, this was 10:00. Well, I'm ashamed to say I lost it again, cried, packed the car and drove an hour and a half to take her home then really lost it with her and asked her how she could treat me that way and they would not even visit her in the hospital, take her to any doctors in three in a half years and that both my SB and my SF told her they didn't want her over there. I yelled at her, then half way to her house I made a U-turn and told her I was at least going to get her better before I took her back for them to kill her.
I'm ashamed, embarrassed, hurt and worked myself into heart attack mode. I'm trying to do my best to protect her from them and all she wants is to go back for more of the same. I don't want to make excuses for myself, but last night I could not understand what was going on so I looked at side effects of the medicine she is on and found out the 2 of the medications my steps were letting her take OTC has drug interactions with Namenda (dextromethorphan and diurectics) so I was pretty much stressed out already. They also gave her free reign with Tylenol and after 10 mins of taking it she didn't remember and wanted more. On the way back and looking at the mountains and Tennessee River I took her out to lunch and apologized and told her I Love Her and want to do what's right by her and that I am afraid they are going to put one over on us. We talked a about the durable POA for finances and the Advanced Medical Directive and I explained her diagnosis too her and that on the 14th we will talk to the doctor to get the documents we need legally on the 14th. Everything I think will work out. I explained about how the paperwork was handled. I also told her that I'm afraid my SSIL will do something sneaky like have her sign something like she did when "they" got her into the apt at AL.
I'm sorry. I'm trying but I lost it and cannot forgive myself but I needed to vent to people who can step away from the family dynamics and talk to me honestly about the family dynamics. I guess I need to sign this "Tail between my legs"