Sorry I haven’t been on for a while.

Well, instead of going to my moms to cut grass every weekend we go on his 3 day weekend. But I can see how the decline of his dad has really brought him down. I think that started the tension. Then all these other things in the air. My brother is still gone yet now my sil has a bed at their house so she can cut grass and my neighbor said my brother stopped by. Of course that really upset my mom just hearing his name. I will tell you that I am finally at peace with this whole family thing. Anyway, back to my relationship with my husband. We both feel like our lives are on hold. Well not me so much because we still need to live. But he will say on his days off we should be deciding where we are going for the day. He has also brought up being depressed. I just feel like really alone and then al always calls me for his dad and now my mom all of a sudden can’t make phone calls. Then I have this friend who no matter what my husband and I do she has to criticize us. Plus I am working with a couple sponsees. I just want my husband back. He is going back to therapy. The greatest thing is we are just finishing our anniversary trip to mackinack island. It was perfect. I just wish there was some way to bring that feeling of peace and serenity back home with us. Anyone have some ideas on how to still have a good marriage. We just celebrated 23 years. We have been together 31. I want the rest of our years to be happy and connected. Thank you again everyone. Love you 😍

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I say amen to Polar Bear on the friend who likes to tell you what you are doing wrong. As they say, with friends like that who needs enemies? Happy Anniversary!

I am begging you here. I could fit in this thread, but other way round. And I can so identify with both you and your husband.
When all what happened TO my brother happened in February honestly it hit me like an absolute ton of bricks. There were times I felt life wasn't worth living any more. That at 77 (me) and 85 (my bro) our life was on the down slide I didn't even want to take. There were times I felt I could never be happy again. There were times I was so anxious and afraid of things I would have to deal with, have to take care of, that I had no idea HOW to take care of. There were times when my bro and I who in 77 years didn't ever really bicker DID bicker. He had been visited by an awful diagnosis and he was facing loss after loss after loss and I felt I was losing as well, and was losing the big brother who I had counted on my entire life. And was not much good to him after all anyway.
Honestly, Staffbull, I could not imagine ever being really happy and at peace again.
Meanwhile there was my partner, my guy these last 31 years, trying to help me through. Had already helped me many years ago through cancer. Now this. Often my depression manifested as anger. Hey, who better to be angry at than HIM--he was right there. And wasn't HE the one who told me I could handle all this POA and Trustee of Trust and other crap I had no idea about? To protect my bro and his assets. Yeah. It was HIS fault.
There were times I would try so hard, and end up honestly CURLED UP ON THE BED in almost a literal ball of depression.
It wasn't until I allowed myself to feel all of this, allowed myself to sink into the despair and loss, reached out places like on the Forum for instance, learned a bit, started to feel a bit more competent, learned my bro and I could still communicate, could get through even when the going got messy--wasn't until TIME had passed that I began to see light, began to have moments of joy again. To know we could laugh again, even if it was over something totally perverse. Because at best life is moments. Good and bad. And I had felt like the good wouldn't be there.
Please do your best to be patient. My guy was so very patient. Would let me tell him ALL I FELT, how inadequate, how sad, how hopeless and depressed. How anxious. That was the worst of it. The anxiety. Uncertainty. He let me say it all. Just was quietly there for me. I can't thank him enough ever. Always knew he was special. Know it so much more now.
Please give him time. This HAS to be hard on you, as I know it is hard on my guy. No one asked for this. So happy you have him. And you will be so treasured by him if you can just say "Tell me what worries you most". Let him talk. Don't think you can fix it. Just let him talk. And if he wants to curl up on the bed in despair try to see it as a weather front that is coming in. It will go out, too. I have learned to look on a lot of emotions as weather fronts that come and go after reading that in a book by a shrink about needing to see her OWN shrink. GOOD LUCK. Hang in there to you both. The sun will shine again.

Happy anniversary staff!!!

Thank you all for everything. And happy anniversary to all that are celebrating. I really appreciate hearing from y’all because you’re on the same journey and you understand.

Congratulations on your 23rd Anniversary! That’s something to be proud about.

Marriage is a lot of work & requires a huge commitment as time goes by to continue to love & care for each other. It’s something to be nurtured.

But that certainly doesn’t mean you “like” your spouse every day. No one is perfect and people change.

Keep working on it, Staffbull. You are doing well, it sounds.
Accepting what we can’t change & doing what we can to be happy with those constraints is the best we can ask for sometimes.

I would proceed with caution with your “friend” as well. She/he should not be meddling (hard not to, however,if you’ve involved her in your day to day details). So just be aware your friend can stir up havoc.

Again Happy Anniversary!

Staffbull: "Then I have this friend who no matter what my husband and I do she has to criticize us."

This person is no friend of yours. She's getting off on feeling superior by putting you down. I recommend you not tell her any of your business.

Congratulations on 23 years marriage.
ITRR - Congrats on your 25th anniversary
cmagnum - Congrats on your 31st anniversary

My husband and I celebrated our 15th anniversary early this year and we've known each other for almost 30 years.

Staffbull - if you and your husband both enjoy peace and serenity, then create a peaceful and quiet space in your house or in your backyard, or front porch where you both can retreat to each day to enjoy each other company.

I love taking walks with my husband. This is the time when we can relax and talk.

ITRR and cmagnum - I once saw a message at a church that says: "A family that prays together stays together."

Wishing you all many more years of marital bliss.

Yes sir. And happy belated anniversary to you and your wife.

On the note of prayer, praying together deeply from the heart puts more passion in your love life.

Find something to laugh about together everyday. As Cmagnum said, go on fun dates and be silly together.

I read many years ago that when we kiss our spouse we should kiss for at least 10 seconds, it releases hormones and actually was proven to strengthen the marital bond. I am celebrating 25 happy years and I believe that praying together and playing together keeps us healthy and strong in our marriage. He always comes first for me, no matter what anyone else wants, I never let it interfere with him being 1st above every other human being.

In law boundaries are very important!

Happy anniversary!🥂🎂

Go back to the fun things you used to do on your early dates. Many couples fail to keep the romance alive by dating. They let it slide with all of the adult responsibilities of raising children, etc. that comes along.

Congratulations on being married 23 years! My wife and I just celebrated out 31st wedding anniversary.

One thing each of us have had to deal with is emotional enmeshment with our mom's. That is not healthy for a marriage. You can't really cleave to each other until you have really left home.

Another things is that marriages need good boundaries particularly with in-laws in order to be healthy.

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