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But when I read questions on here, my first thought is setting "boundaries." This is hard to deal with. I don't have a question. I'm venting, and then I think I don't have any reason really to vent. But I have to vent otherwise I will blow my top. Sick to my stomach, all the time.

LooooooL....Lost, my comment is supposed to say *DEAR Lost* not Damd Lost. HA! I'm texting in the dark, sorry Love.🤗
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Lost, I hope you had a lawyer draw up a caregiver agreement. If she needs Medicaid, there are strict requirements about caregiver agreements for family and nonfamily payments as gifting. You can look up Jensen vs. DHS.
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Damd Lost, your life is killing you. Do you have ulcers? Those constant pains and knots in your stomach are nerves. I'm sure you know this. It's unreal what our nerves (thoughts) can do to our bodies.

What's hubby's deal, why doesn't he listen to you? Why MUST you continue to care for mil?

You're already having your own Heath issues that cause you to fall?!! Doesn't he care?

I just don't understand. Why is he bent on keeping her home with you as her caregiver, and not find her a facility?

Tell him you're done. If he don't care about your health, happiness and well-being, then damd it, you must!
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Great idea, Mama! Hubby can’t pull the deaf act if Lost and her daughter aren't there. He will be forced to care for her himself or find someone to come in for her. It would certainly be an eye-opening experience!
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((Hugs)), Lost! I know it's very hard, and especially hard to set any kind of boundaries with MIL without support, especially since she is living with you. It sounds like you are on the edge of a breakdown. I would be too, and was very close a few times when my mother lived with us.

Is there any way you and your daughter could book a few days' stay at a hotel or spa weekend and tell DH, "I'm/we're taking a break for a few days. I'm overwhelmed and can't do this (caregiving) right now." Not CAN I go, but I'M GOING. The onus would be on him to then find alternative arrangements for his mom while you are gone. And in doing so, whoever is hired to do it for the few days might be someone you can call on again to help you out. Drastic, I know, but think it might open the door for DH to see that there ARE other options for his mom's care than just you or your daughter.

As other posters mentioned, a good therapist is a lifesaver as far as helping you get through and navigate everything. You don't have to do it alone.
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I tell him repeatedly, and he doesn't hear me. My daughter is the 24 7 caregiver now (because she is not working ), but she has a young family, and it is not easy, nothing is easy. And I apologize for not responding to every individual, but because I use my old phone and I am not tech savvy, there are limitations.
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Sit down, one on one with DH and tell him you are on the edge. He probably has no idea how close you are. Make yourself heard. Keep repeating you need help until there’s no doubt in his mind. Then, find a therapist. And go. Most insurances cover therapy. Please don’t give up on yourself.
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Trying to look back on previous posts of Losts and I get pages of her responses to other posts too. Too much to go thru. Yes, I read her "about" profile but that just gave me a reminder. Its getting hard to keep up with everyone and make sure ur not repeating yourself.

Lost, I guess its already been said, MIL needs to be placed in an AL, if financially able, or a NH. Your health is at stake and that s/b your husbands top priority. A big ((HUG)).
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I feel like I have too much on my plate and now, to top it all off, my own mother needs to be tested for AD, and my sils uncle just passed away from cancer.
It seems like everything I do is met with resistance.
The stomach issue may be from lack of eating, or drinking too much coffee. My shaking and falling is due to my other health issues. And stress also causes the shaking.
I JUST DON'T KNOW ANY MORE! I feel lost and unheard and and and. I don't even know where to begin which really bothers me, as I thought I used to have it all together, but no more.
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Lostinthemix, is your husband helping you with his mother? Or is he safely tucked away at work not knowing everything you are going through. Alzhimer's/Dementia can throw anyone for a loop.

Setting boundaries for an elder who lives in your home is very difficult compared to setting boundaries of an elder still lives in their own house, and the caregiver lives elsewhere.

Any way for Mom-in-law to hire a caregiver to come in a couple times a week or weekday afternoons to help "you" out?

As tacy's post above had mentioned, I too was dealing with the shakes and here I wasn't even a hands-on caregiver for my very elderly parents who could still manage [or so they thought], and my Mom who would refuse caregivers or cleaning crews into their house.  My parents had passed not too long ago, and I still have the shakes, even using mild meds to calm me down :(
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Have you been to the doctor for yourself lately? Maybe the doctor could put you on something for the anxiety. My stomach was upset alot too. I would curl in a ball with a heating pad on it or I would drink Tazo Zen tea or Vernors to help. The stomach problems eventually turned into dry heaves and shaking. Thats when the dr put me on something which helped.
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Lost, I’m very worried about you. Your stress level seems off the charts. How long has it been since you had a break? Please take some time to do something nice for yourself, even if just reading a book. Please!
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