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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I'm going through the same as you. My heart goes out to you. It was hard to find a caregiver for my husband, for once a week, but you have to or face ruining your own health. I thought I could get by with every other week but I have to make myself hire her for once a week. We've been doing this for 5 years now. I go to a support group too, but I just have to get away from home now. He is mad at the world and started acting mean to me. We had 2 months of him running away and dealing with that. I was almost out of my mind. He is on a anti psychotic now and back to his sweet self. I've developed anxiety and headaches. Go figure. All of us that are caregivers do it out of love, but you have to take care of yourself.
You need to do more than vent, my friend. You need to call hubs doctor and tell him about the screaming and swearing. Meds are available to calm him down. And if he won't take them, he goes into Memory Care Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing care, regardless of how "functional" he may be. It's not your job to care for a man who treats you this way, disease or no disease. Your life matters as much as his! Please get him seen by his doctor or a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation NOW. Meds go a long way to calm ugly dementia behavior. Call 911 if necessary and the EMS people will transport him to the ER for evaluation. Tell them you feel scared for your life. Dementia patients have been known to kill. Look out for YOURSELF please.
JD, you're very welcome to "vent" here; do know that the "Discussions" threads below include many topic headings under which you should be able to get out some of your feelings.
Also understand that you mind and body are attempting to communicate to you that the time may be coming when in home care is no longer sustainable for your own mental and physical health.
I am so very sorry for all you're going through, and you surely aren't alone here on this Forum.
If you can afford to hire some help, respite for yourself, that would be wise. I don't think people understand how hard this situation is until they've done it. You're doing all the helping and then gettting cursed at the same time. Oh boy.
Yes, to hiring an aide to relieve you for short periods so you can get out and do what you want and give you much needed breaks. And yes, to having your husband go to an Adult Daycare Center in your area, as he can be there up to 5 days a week and 8 hours a day. They will feed him breakfast, lunch and a snack and have all kinds of fun activities to keep him as busy as he wants. Plus they will come pick him up and drop him off if needed. There is a cost but worth every penny, and if you husband is a veteran or if money is an issue they do offer financial help. And I will add yes, to finding a local caregiver support group preferably in person but otherwise on Zoom, as there is nothing better than being able to share with other folks who know exactly what you're going through and won't judge you when you tell them that you lost your temper with your husband. Trust me...this I know. My support group literally saved my life when I was caring for my late husband. You are stronger than you know even though you may not feel like it right now. I wish you well as you travel this very difficult road with your husband. And don't forget that you matter too in this equation.
Your daily life sounds horrible and you have every reason to feel the way you do.
Is he on meds for his agitation and aggression? If not, why not? Or, what about for yourself? A favorite wisedom on this forum is: don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If you need to hire a male companion aid -- even once a week -- to distract him or allow you to leave for the day and do self-care, it's well worth the money. You tell him the aid is to help you. Or, find an adult day care and send him there for as many days as possible.
I know you're here to vent, but more information would give context so that we can support you better.
I am feeling guilty that I have crossed over from feeling his condition is something we - mostly me - can handle to not ‘wanting’ to handle it anymore. Burned out I know. I now understand how some men just get up and walk away from their families. The responsibilities are enormous, And I am beginning to resent having to be the calm,…patient one all the time. How do others handle being screamed and sworn at… My reactions are instantly in my stomach. By the time I do the suggested breathing exercises or walk away I’m a mess. And then I revert to the caregiver role who intellectually knows it’s the disease not him. Tell that to my nerves.. Thanks for letting me vent.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Also understand that you mind and body are attempting to communicate to you that the time may be coming when in home care is no longer sustainable for your own mental and physical health.
I am so very sorry for all you're going through, and you surely aren't alone here on this Forum.
And yes, to having your husband go to an Adult Daycare Center in your area, as he can be there up to 5 days a week and 8 hours a day. They will feed him breakfast, lunch and a snack and have all kinds of fun activities to keep him as busy as he wants. Plus they will come pick him up and drop him off if needed. There is a cost but worth every penny, and if you husband is a veteran or if money is an issue they do offer financial help.
And I will add yes, to finding a local caregiver support group preferably in person but otherwise on Zoom, as there is nothing better than being able to share with other folks who know exactly what you're going through and won't judge you when you tell them that you lost your temper with your husband. Trust me...this I know. My support group literally saved my life when I was caring for my late husband.
You are stronger than you know even though you may not feel like it right now.
I wish you well as you travel this very difficult road with your husband. And don't forget that you matter too in this equation.
Is he on meds for his agitation and aggression? If not, why not? Or, what about for yourself? A favorite wisedom on this forum is: don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If you need to hire a male companion aid -- even once a week -- to distract him or allow you to leave for the day and do self-care, it's well worth the money. You tell him the aid is to help you. Or, find an adult day care and send him there for as many days as possible.
I know you're here to vent, but more information would give context so that we can support you better.
Thanks for letting me vent.