I just don't know what to do anymore.

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I just got off the phone with my mom. Doctor gave her Xanax for anxiety, and to hopefully get her to sleep through the night. The first night, she took 1 (.025 mg), and it did nothing. She was up walking during the night again. Last night (as per doctor's orders) she took 2. She was not only up walking, but eating as well. She wandered into one of the bedrooms and fell. Knocked over a rocker and a lamp. Today (2PM) she STILL sounds drugged and very slurred. I have a call in to her Neurologist to get advice. Now she says she wishes they had never changed her meds, which is unreasonable...she was taking Gabapentin (sp), which was hindering her already poor kidney function, and making her sleep 24/7. It turns out that sleeping 24/7 is her preference...but not safe or healthy. She would still get up to go to the bathroom...which could result in a fall. Nothing, nothing, nothing we do to help her is ever right or good. I was taking today off from going over there to have some time in my own home, and now she's upset because I'm not going over there. I can't make her understand that with Parkinson's and all the meds, she will never be "like she was before", which is what she wants. Now she just wants to give up...and wonders why we won't let her. She admitted to me that she can make herself act/feel better when someone other than those of us who are with her all the time is around. Example, my brother, who lives in Ohio. If he comes to town, she acts fairly normal. She says she doesn't want to worry him, so she tries to be better when he's here, or when any of the grandkids are there. I know I'm just venting...and I'm sorry to have such irritation towards a woman who was once my best friend. I'm crying as I type this...because right now, I feel that you folks are the only ones I can cry to. The only ones who understand. I need to get away and can't. I need to have a day when I'm not worried about my parents. My poor dad...he tries so hard, and he's at a loss as to what else to do. Sorry for the vent...I just don't know what more to do.

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That makes sense. Her nurse also told me about "Sundowner's" syndrome...which really fits as well.
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It's called "Showtiming" where they can hide their disabilities briefly, for visitors and sometimes in the doctor's office. They can't keep it up for more than a day or two, which is why psych evals are a 72-hour stay. You just happen to be there all the time, so she can't fool you. She knows you won't reject her for her weaknesses, that you will accept her just as she is. It is an expression of perfect trust and love.
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