I am always sad. I don't have friends and don't want them because I don't have anything good to talk about. My mom is 86 and dad 93. I am always sick and my drs all tell me to take it easy and rest. I am the only one that drives them where they want to go. I have severe pulmonary arterial hypertension. My drs tell me I need to accept the fact I will not be cured and the bad days when I can't breathe I need to listen to my body and rest. I have to carry oxygen tanks when I am bad. We had 111 dr appts so far this year. Most of them were mine. I take care of all their paperwork for rx assistance, their finances resetting & their tv to work on cable. I do all repairs to their refrigerator, washer, plumbing, fixing walls, cleaning and organizing their files and garage. I watch you tube to fix their refrigerator, washer, plumbing and walls. The only place I go without my parents is my drs. or shopping for them when they are too tired to go.
My brother & sister are 10 and 5 yrs younger. Brother doesn't work. Sister stops by on the way from work to take the trash can out twice a week. Brother mows the yard and I have to do all the trimming of bushes & cleaning flower beds. Her yard is beautiful. They own the house next door and I take care of the repairs and yardwork there too. I don't have a life. I am too tired when I am through with all that. Mom tells my what to do and when. Everything has to be perfect & done their way. I am sick all the time. They haven't been sick for years. I am disabled and drs ask who is helping me. I live alone in my messy home that I love. I don't have the time or energy to take care of it. My mother or dad never ask my sister or brother to do anything. They have not taken them anywhere for years (too much trouble). I just did my taxes for 2018 and she had the nerve to say she has never been late on anything, and I was irresponsible for not doing them on time. Everytime I wanted to work on them she needed a ride somewhere that took all day or something done at their house that took all day. On bad days I thought I would pass out because my oxygen levels were so low and my heart and lungs are damaged. When I got home I was too tired or sick to do anything for myself.
I don't remember what I like to do for fun. I never get the weekend or weekdays off except when I am too sick to drive. I have a long to do list and complain all the time I tell them there are not enough hours in the day for 1 person to do them. They just say, they help me financially so I owe them. If I got paid for all the hours I work for them, I would be rich. I tried to work at home doing bookkeeping but they always needed something so I would have to drop it and go do what they want. I am 62 & always told what to do. If I didn't drop what I was doing I was the bad one. They always praises my sister for marrying a guy that makes alot of money My sister said she has a family and needed to be with them on weekends fishing, hunting or traveling and couldn't help me. I told the whole family I would like to have 1 weekend a month to myself. That's 6 times a year my sister or brother would have to take care of them. My sister said she was too busy and brother didn't say a word. I told them 2 of my drs said I need rest so I wouldn't be sick all the time. Mom said it was my job to take care of them. I tell her I can't do this anymore please ask them to help. My dad asked me to do somethinig and I said I couldn't because I was too busy doing all the other things on their list and couldn't my brother do it since he was just standing there doing nothing? He said no, I had to do it when I was through. One day I am going to collapse and I told them just leave me there so I can rest. I have been taking too long writing this. I have to get back to making sure the 40 page financial plan the attorney prepared is what they want, find answers to the lawyer's questions & update all. I want a life!!