I am always sad. I don't have friends and don't want them because I don't have anything good to talk about. My mom is 86 and dad 93. I am always sick and my drs all tell me to take it easy and rest. I am the only one that drives them where they want to go. I have severe pulmonary arterial hypertension. My drs tell me I need to accept the fact I will not be cured and the bad days when I can't breathe I need to listen to my body and rest. I have to carry oxygen tanks when I am bad. We had 111 dr appts so far this year. Most of them were mine. I take care of all their paperwork for rx assistance, their finances resetting & their tv to work on cable. I do all repairs to their refrigerator, washer, plumbing, fixing walls, cleaning and organizing their files and garage. I watch you tube to fix their refrigerator, washer, plumbing and walls. The only place I go without my parents is my drs. or shopping for them when they are too tired to go.

My brother & sister are 10 and 5 yrs younger. Brother doesn't work. Sister stops by on the way from work to take the trash can out twice a week. Brother mows the yard and I have to do all the trimming of bushes & cleaning flower beds. Her yard is beautiful. They own the house next door and I take care of the repairs and yardwork there too. I don't have a life. I am too tired when I am through with all that. Mom tells my what to do and when. Everything has to be perfect & done their way. I am sick all the time. They haven't been sick for years. I am disabled and drs ask who is helping me. I live alone in my messy home that I love. I don't have the time or energy to take care of it. My mother or dad never ask my sister or brother to do anything. They have not taken them anywhere for years (too much trouble). I just did my taxes for 2018 and she had the nerve to say she has never been late on anything, and I was irresponsible for not doing them on time. Everytime I wanted to work on them she needed a ride somewhere that took all day or something done at their house that took all day. On bad days I thought I would pass out because my oxygen levels were so low and my heart and lungs are damaged. When I got home I was too tired or sick to do anything for myself.

I don't remember what I like to do for fun. I never get the weekend or weekdays off except when I am too sick to drive. I have a long to do list and complain all the time I tell them there are not enough hours in the day for 1 person to do them. They just say, they help me financially so I owe them. If I got paid for all the hours I work for them, I would be rich. I tried to work at home doing bookkeeping but they always needed something so I would have to drop it and go do what they want. I am 62 & always told what to do. If I didn't drop what I was doing I was the bad one. They always praises my sister for marrying a guy that makes alot of money My sister said she has a family and needed to be with them on weekends fishing, hunting or traveling and couldn't help me. I told the whole family I would like to have 1 weekend a month to myself. That's 6 times a year my sister or brother would have to take care of them. My sister said she was too busy and brother didn't say a word. I told them 2 of my drs said I need rest so I wouldn't be sick all the time. Mom said it was my job to take care of them. I tell her I can't do this anymore please ask them to help. My dad asked me to do somethinig and I said I couldn't because I was too busy doing all the other things on their list and couldn't my brother do it since he was just standing there doing nothing? He said no, I had to do it when I was through. One day I am going to collapse and I told them just leave me there so I can rest. I have been taking too long writing this. I have to get back to making sure the 40 page financial plan the attorney prepared is what they want, find answers to the lawyer's questions & update all. I want a life!!

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You need to stop asking how high when told to jump. Just stop.

Why on earth are you looking after your brother's yard?

If you die tomorrow, they will have to figure it out. So as of today, you learn to say "No!"

I know you have had 62 years of conditioning to do as you are told, but you need to decide you have value, your family will never recognize it and stop jumping.

You are allowed to turn off your phone for a day, week, month or longer.

Find a good therapist and start putting yourself first.

auntsak - that's not your real screen name, is it? I think Cinderella is a better fit. In your case, you will have to be your own prince to rescue yourself. Your parents are slave drivers. SHAME on them for turning you into an unpaid and unappreciated servant. Time for you to QUIT.

You really need to see a good therapist who can help you work through your issue: why YOU LET them treat you so badly, so you can stop doing it.

For now, please follow the advice you've been given from the other supportive posters.

You have pulmonary hypertension.

If your family keeps up this level of pressure on you, you will die before your time.

Note: I am not saying "and then they'll be sorry." Because, harsh though it is to say, they would probably just find a way to blame the victim (i.e. you).

But YOU should be fiercely angry at the thought that you will never have had a chance to lead life the way you would like to, and could, with the right support.

So you owe it to yourself to turn this around. Your doctors who urge you to take care of yourself and listen to your body and blah blah blah: are you frank with these doctors about the stress you're under?

Apart from anything else, just as a start to break you out of your social isolation - pulmonary hypertension is not that common, and I will bet that there is a patients' support group somewhere that you could access. Maybe real people, or maybe online; but as with any peer group the great thing about it is that you get to share common experiences and feel less alone.

Somebody who is still the family scapegoat at 62 is not going to escape easily, and I think we need to be realistic about that. Look first for small, achievable changes that assert your rights and needs; and then you'll find it easier to move on to bigger ones - like telling your parents either to pay you properly, under a contract, or to hire more staff.

You wrote "Mom said it was my job to take care of them." NO! You do NOT! You have more than enough on your plate! They're driving you over the cliff and you need to stop sitting in the passenger seat.

Tell them you must take care of your own health, physical and mental and emotional health. If it makes you feel better (at any level), then contact agencies that can help them to help themselves. Tell them you will only answer their phone calls one or twice a week. If it's an emergency, they can call 911.

Find a support group FOR YOU if one's available. Meditate. Learn tai chi if your body can handle that. Take care of you. YOU MATTER!

If your parents or siblings push you to do more, tell them "If I'm in the hospital or die, it's all on you anyway. Figure it out now."

Your brother and sister need to step up. But in lieu of that, check with your Doctor's office and local social services office to see what programs your parent, and apparently, You qualify for. If you are 55 or older, check with SSI, as you may qualify for disability SSI. If this is the case, not only your parents ,but you qualify for certain in-home assistance including a weekly or bi monthly house keeper, CNA, visiting RN, visiting therapist,transportation and recreation.
In our county, a local cab company working haand in hand with medicare/Medicare, will transport elderly or disabled individual to and from Medical appointments, or grocery shopping, free or for token fee. Also, many grocery stores offer delivery service including Walmart. Some Assisted living facilities offer community Day care or transportation, but check out the fees. Some work as volunteers, others charge substancial fees. You are in my thoughts. I am an only child who has heard this complaint from many caregivers who have siblings who don't show up until the reading of the will. God Bless

You do not have to do this, it is a choice on your part. I have never heard of a 40 page financial plan, so they must have plenty of money to go into AL, that is where they need to be.

You should read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, it appears that your entire life circulates around them and their supporting you financially.

Might be time to start saying No and get your life back on track.

Say "NO" - they won't like it. They don't have to. They will yell and try to manipulate you. Say "NO". No one is holding a gun to your head to make you do all of this. You are hoping they will give two sh$ts about your issues and they clearly D O N O T C A R E. Say "no" and hang up. Go no contact for awhile.

If you have any difficulty doing all of this - find a good therapist - because you are letting yourself become a slave.

Ann Landers said it best...

”no one can treat you as a door mat if you do not lay down for them”

You do realize that you don’t HAVE to do any of this, right? Your sister realized she doesn’t. Your brother realized he doesn’t. You don’t have to either. So “it” wouldn’t get done, whatever “it” is. Go home. Work on paperwork in your spare time if you want to. Or not. But the hands on work has to stop. Your doctor told you to stop. So stop. Who will do it all when you’re in the hospital? Someone will if it’s important enough. No one will if it’s not. The earth will still rotate, your folks won’t die, and a new path will be figured out, by them all. Pretend you’re in the hospital. Before you really are.

Give the list back to your parents and say "I can no longer do this job. Hire someone to do your errands. I resign".

Go back to your home and rest.

You are under DOCTOR'S ORDERS to take care of YOU!. You should not be caregiving for anyone.

Your mother sounds like a real piece of work. Let her be perfect on her own.


Okay, I don’t know how you do it all. I became exhausted just reading all what you do for your parents.

You seriously need rest and something enjoyable in your life. You are completely consumed by their lives. Oh, I get it. It is more than a full time job.

Watch out. You are getting close to the edge. Keep it up and you’re going over the edge. Please look into getting help or placing your parents. You have health concerns. Please look after yourself.


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