I am so, so tired. Yes, we have a history, yes, I'm the black sheep. I couldn't care less about the details at this point, but only the outcome, which is my disgust. I don't want to see her anymore, do anything for her, buy her anything, go for visits, etc. On a weak day, I can see myself slipping and doing this, but I know she'll turn the thing into all about her. I don't care that she has dementia. She seems to be doing quite well being her old nasty self to everyone, so she hasn't lost that at all. You can easily see it because her evil narcissist behavior is like her "signature." All I hear, is "oh, well, the poor thing has dementia so you should overlook oddities in her behavior because she can't help it." Yeah, right. That is total BS. She finds it easy enough to be as controlling and nasty as possible with her personal attacks, the "poor me" thing, the part that is so mean you'd think she ate nails for breakfast. More than anything, I want this woman out of my life. If that's death, then so be it. I wasn't put on this earth to be continually beaten down like a dog. I'm not responsible for whether or not she gets COVID but my brother thought so and brought her home from AL to protect her. Protect her? What about ME? He doesn't really do anything and leaves it all to me. She has managed to turn my brother against me (he's like a little puppy dog looking for anything he can do to get her approval). My patience is worn thin and I have nothing to offer this mother except a roof over her head and directions to the same fridge where she can fix the same sandwich I'm eating. I'm not cooking for her, I'm not cleaning for her, I'm not going to pick up this and that at the store, I'm not going to listen to her berate me and my other siblings, I'm not going to listen about how terrible her paid caregivers are. I don't care. I just don't care. It is stupid to love someone who treats you like sh*t. I don't care what anyone thinks about this caring game. COVID may run wild for who knows how long, but I've got the ovary dispenser packed up and ready to go back to AL. Good luck, have a nice life, leave me the h*ll alone. I am so done with her/it I can barely see straight. And now she's put this barrier between my brother and me that is the worst fight we've been in since we were in our teens. I absolutely refuse to lift another finger. I am so angry...angry by the guilt that is shoved on me by this society and the expectations that we take care of our abusive parents. Why? It does nothing for me except hurt me all my life. I wish I lived across country, I wish she'd just disappear. I can't say I hate her because there's not that much emotion left in me. She robbed me of so much in my life, of a normal family, normal relationships. It's taken me well over 50 years to learn that I am okay as I am. I'm not sure of my next steps except to figure out every little thing I can to stay away from her personally and as a topic. At one point recently, I tried out a boundary with her showing basic respect to me and others. I was very calm and kind and explained about trust and deep relationships. She said very simply "I have no respect for you at all." And then she laughed and laughed.