I have no idea where to go. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

I have no idea where to go. Any advice?

Follow
Share

My father had a stroke January 2018. He's always lived with me off and on because he had always relied on others to support him and I am the only one in my family who will help him. He became paralyzed on his left side when he had his stroke but still is very weak so I literally do everything for him. Bathe, prepare food, clean him when he has a bowel movement and much more. Everything. But my problem is my dad had always been abusive. Not physically but in ALL other ways. He tells me to die all the time. To f*ck off and pretty much anything you can think of. I had to quit my job to take care of him because insurance (Medicaid) would only pay 2 weeks worth of care. I have 2 children and now it's getting really hard to support them because I had to quit my job and now everything revolves around my dad. I'm not the mom I want to be and I'm getting so depressed because I'm stuck here and I can't have a life. I know this makes me sound so bad and I don't mean for it to. I'm just so lost at what to do. He is mean and always has been. I wait on him hand and foot and he never thinks to say please or thank you. He doesn't ask he DEMANDS. If I don't do something he wants he becomes angry and freaks out. He'll start yelling and punching the walls etc. For example he takes a pain medication and I keep it away from him and give it to him as prescribed. Well, he does not like that so he said he wanted his pills where he could get them himself and I have no choice but to do that because he will scream at me and call me a b*tch and stuff if I don't and I don't want my children hearing all that. So, I did it. I have him his meds. He took 30 days worth of pain meds in less then 2 weeks. He's always been that way even before his stroke. I hate it. I've always hated it. And if I report him to the Dr he will flip out like usual. He's supposed to be wearing a heart monitor also and every other day he rips it off out of anger. This all is not because of the stroke he was the exact same as before his stroke except he's paralyzed on one side completely. He tells me he hates me all of the time (nothing new). There's so much. I thought I could do this but he's making this so hard and I swear he is wanting to give me a hard time. I know him better than anybody. I KNOW. Nobody in my family will help. When he was in a nursing home for 2 weeks (all Medicaid would cover) he treated the nursing staff with the up most respect. Never said anything bad. And I mentioned it to him. I don't deserve this! Since 2012 I have been financially taking care of him and housing him even though he was perfectly capable of doing it himself up until this year. He's always treated me like this. And now it's just becoming too much. I have a sister and a brother and he treats them like they are God's even though they REFUSE to help me with our Father. I don't understand it. I'm the only one who has ever helped him but I get the abuse. He has been diagnosed with bi polar and all that also. I will not lie if I found a way I could put him into a home I would. He even said he wants to go. But I can't pay for that and insurance isn't helping. Hes even said that if there was ever a day where he started getting movement back in his paralyzed side he wouldn't tell me. What is up that?? Even though he treats me Terrible I would still want him to get good care and good facility I just have no idea where to start with this because this is so hard. If anyone has any answers or anything I would appreciate it.

7

Comments

Show:
Yes, about to be 48
(0)
Report

Your dad is 47? OmG!
(1)
Report

Rainmom- he is 47...

Thank you all for your input
(0)
Report

Just to add to all the wise advise and direction above--

you don't sound "bad". You sound sane. Why would ANYONE take abuse like this?

Get him out of your home, asap!
(3)
Report

How old is your father?
(1)
Report

Call your county area aging agency and request a social worker do a needs assessment and have your father placed - I'm not sure if you mean Medicare or Medicaid wouldn't pay beyond two weeks as Medicare is limited and your father certainly sounds as though he would qualify for long term Medicaid assistance
(2)
Report

You need to apply for nursing home Medicaid and get him out of your house. You do not need his abuse. Your first obligation is to your children. Call Area Agency on Aging to start the evaluation process and to get him qualified for nursing home Medicaid. Get him placed in long term care. Do not let this man ruin your life or the lives of your children. You’ve done more than enough.

The Medicaid that only covered two weeks is community Medicaid. He needs permanent long term care Medicaid. Tell his doctors and the social worker you cannot take care of him at home.
(5)
Report

Related
Questions