I'm only caregiver because my sister disowned Mom when she got a cat. 12 yrs ago but my mother assumes I'm happy to give up my life for her!!! She's 85 I'm only 63. I have 30 cats and am active in rescue and spend every other day w her for 24 hrs! She has 5 cats. Not a big deal but she drinks, then I get the guilt trip. I take her to Hawaii every yr! And wheel her around to best restaurants! What more can I do I think she wants me to die for her!!!!!

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I used to jump and run when I heard that Mother had a need....or a want..or a whim...and she never seemed satisfied....I'd beat myself up creating family parties and events and guess what? she didn't care and my family sure didn't. I walked out of even PT caregiving about 8 months ago and never looked back.

Wow, truly like taking a finger out of a glass of water. The water fills in and it's like you were never there. She doesn't EVER call me--seriously, same ph # for 40 years and she has maybe called me 10 times in 40 years. She NEVER needed all the fussing I wasted on her. She was using me and then complaining about me behind my back.

If she called me and wanted/needed something, I'm happy to do what's needed. She doesn't. Realizing she doesn't even have me on her radar after many years of CG was hurtful, but I'm glad I found out before I had a meltdown.

Boundaries----we HAVE to set them with some people who just don't "get it", that we aren't here just for their use. (abuse??) If she drinks to the point she's being belligerent, you do NOT have to take that.

Listen to lkdrymom! Set boundaries :)

She can assume all she wants but you don't have to do any of it. Why are you there 24 hours at a time? Start backing off. Set boundaries. Figure out what you can do for her without jeopardizing the life that you want to have, then live those boundaries. Just because she wants something doesn't mean you have t be the one to provide it. When you were a child did she give you everything you wanted? I am shocked at the number of grown adults who find it impossible to say no to a parent when they ask for the unreasonable.

Earlier this week my 91 year old father called me and wanted me to come up and see a piece of mail he got that he was all concerned about. I told him to put it in the self addressed stamped envelope I left for him and mail it to me so I could look at it. No I needed to come right now. I told him I was at work. He insisted I come after work or send my daughter (who was also at work). I told him NO. World did not come to an end. He said to forget it then if I could not be bothered. His guilt trips mean nothing to me. I have found that the more you do for them the more they expect and demand. Just stop. Do what you can and that is it. His mother was the same way. I am sure she would have wanted him to leave his family and move in with her to do her bidding. Stop letting this woman dictate your life.

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