I took a week off didn't call my folks it was so painful. They're still in the nursing home. The court date for Guardianship 1/27, of which they both have no idea is going to happen. I called them today dad said they have Pneumonia so I had to bother the nurses to find out what the heck is going. They said they've been trying to call me for days but get only a busy signal, everyone else gets through I don't know what they're doing on their end!
I hate that my folks are where they are miserable sick, their house hasn't been occupied in months. Mother said the sisters called to Killer Ant 2 to volunteer to go house sit REALLY I BET! I don't know what's the truth when I speak to them, all I know is I'm an emotional wreck afterwards. My dad did tell me he loved me, and I was able to pray with mother on the phone for their comfort!
I also decided to torture myself further hence " I HATE FACEBOOK" title summary I went back on facebook to see my X is having the time of his life and I just imploded from their. I HATE FACEBOOK!!!!!!! What I really can't stand is I' scared, alone, in need of comfort, jobless, damn it I'm depressed! I have a blood line that if I didn't know we were related I wouldn't speak to them after the first introduction. I've been comparing old classmates lives and successes to my upside down screwed up lousy life wondering what flyin fayhenie is next! Yes I'm whiny and miserable and if I didn't have to be around me I'd leave but I don't have a choice.
Sorry guys I just needed to vent I'm in need of a rescue, I'm so lost right now!!!!! I've got to believe God has something wonderful on the other side of this! I just can't see the other side, I'm dying to so many of my old bad behaviors, thought processes, belief systems about what's important and what's real!
DOES ANYONE know what I'm saying...... I feel so damaged I may never come back. Talking the job counselor gave me know hope at all for a future. I feel NUTS, TOTALLY NUTS RIGHT NOW! Where's the tuna can's the blue tights, my tiara and the magic bracelets cause I'm coming UNDONE!