I had a little meltdown today with my FIL now in our house, and my brother's farm machinery and everything sale this weekend.


discovering how much weight I have lost. I am really struggling. I love my husband but with his father here he tells me what I said is wrong don’t do this. I can’t deal with losing our relationship too. I just brought it to his attention that I am having a hard time figuring out what I am supposed to say to him or how much I am to help him. I get in trouble with care taking as we are all dealing with. he is a caretaker too. he has been taking care of me with all my health issues and addiction. so he is trying to make sure I don’t overdo it. I know I have a huge issue of not taking care of myself. I also posted about all the issues I am having with getting things paid in network for my mom. it’s like things are piling up. I actually have been to 5 AA meetings in 5 days and today at the last moment I had to add to what I said and it was I am going to sit still so you guys can help me. a friend from the program told me that. I expressed that i have missed my connection to them and my life is even worse than usual. you know what i mean and i told them about the sale. some knew what i was talking about maybe not everyone. I said i have decided to stay here and take care of myself rather than be there and see everything leave. most important my brother. but tonight after my husband and i were talking about all this. i said i will be going down tomorrow and i will take my doggie with me and i will be back friday afternoon. he was like what. I told him i can’t be there. obviously we haven’t had any time alone. he thought he was then coming saturday to cut grass and work on the plumbing and he would spend the night. I am so confused I don’t know what to do. plus I asked him what are we doing with his dad. he was taking him out to his other brothers. I don’t think that is going to work out with my sil. she really doesn’t like my fil. the plus is we could have some time together. if anyone has any suggestions please please help me out. thank you guys.



I hope things aren’t too bad for you today. It’s difficult when a family farm is broken up and everything divided and sold off. There always seem to be one person in the family who wants to sell down to bare walls and others who want to hold on. This just my opinion but I think daughters fare better if their father is in  charge. Mothers seem to defer to their sons. It’s happened in my own family threes times in the last 5 years. I wish it could have been managed better for you. I am sorry this has happened to you. Take good care of yourself.

{{Hugs}} for Saturday to help you get through the Farm Sale. Are you at your Mom's farm house or did you stay home this weekend?

This is what I get out of your post. You r at Moms and the sale is this weekend. You want to go home because you just can't watch it. But, husband made arrangements with brother to let Dad stay with him. This way husband can come to ur Moms, do some chores, and have time with you.

You and hubby need to take this time together. You don't know when u will be able to do it again. A weekend will not kill SIL. FILs care can be left to BIL.

My daughter's marriage has broken up. There r things going on that made me think about your brother. This is my thought. Your brother has not been happy with farming for a while. Your Dad leaving everything to Mom was an excuse to get out. He blamed Mom because he needed a scapegoat to justify his decision. I am sure he and Mom could have worked something out. Everything was hers and she could have done what she wanted with it. For him, everything is falling into place. The sale of the house now the property. Maybe his decision is a good one for him. Farming is such an iffy thing from year to year. Maybe he will be happy with his new life. Give him time to settle in and get his life together. Little steps.

You also have to let hubby do the caregiving for FIL and you take care of Mom. You can't do it all. You will be cooking, cleaning laundry for FIL. Set boundries with him if you need to. Remember, its ur home. Don't overwhelm yourself.

Staff, I’m sorry that you are going thru all of this. Go to your meetings and work your program. Get the support you need to help yourself. I have no other suggestions. I wish you the best and that it works out for you and your family in all ways.