I felt like telling someone.

NeedHelp: No, no rhyme or reason I can make out in much of anything; I am the last one to have "answers".
I have seen believers go while non believers lived. I have seen evil people stay while good people go, and the other way around. I have seen those who took all precautions die anyway, and those who did not live. As far as I can see after being in nursing for so many years, and in my 78 years? I think it is like that carnival game where these little tin ducks go round and round in a circle and you shoot at them. You get one down or you don't. That much luck and happenstance. I have in truth seen so many religious folks afraid to die. I can't figure that out if they believe they are heading off to a wonderful heaven. I think I am going to be compost, and am not afraid in the least (tho afraid of SUFFERING before death).
A loving couple waits for years, has a much wanted child and loses it to a gruesome brain tumor. A meth addict who give no care to his child at all gets to keep that child. People say nonsense like "karma". Oh, puleeeeze. I am glad that people who have faith find comfort in it. To me, the world is, as Roger Rosenblatt's article said "A Teeming Slaughterhouse". Pretty much for all animals. We have no idea what other nations go through in terms of want and starvation. We are quite spoiled in America.
I find not much rhyme and reason other than looking at the millions of people, animals and plants that came before us, and the millions who will follow us. We are so much less important than we would like to think ourselves in any grand scheme.
Once I was sitting at the campfire and put my foot down on a whole line of little ants heading for the marshmellows. I said "Whoops"! and tried to save them. And then said "Bet that is God. Massive die off. Whoops". That's just me. Never a believer. Missing the gene. Not a choice. Just never happened. 78. May still, hee hee, right?
In all truth, many many of the very religious, and those with all the answers about which God is right, and what he wants? The ones who believe in a Hell? I honestly wouldn't want to spend 10 minutes with them, let alone an eternity with them. Like I always say about Saints. A real bad job description.

I believe you were inspired by the Holy Spirit to write that because I needed to read that at this very moment to remind myself that God is in charge, not man. Thank you.

Alva,

As a nurse would you say there are more people that have a stronger will to live over people who are ready to leave emotional and physical pain behind and look forward to transitioning?

I have seen a mix of emotions as people are struggling in a health crisis.

TryingMyBest, I love what you said. I am a nurse, long retired, and so loved it. I am an atheist lifelong; not a choice for me, I simply don't believe anything I am willing to be surprised. And I could never accept a "punishing God". But I DO BELIEVE what you said about death being the great mystery.
To me I think it is the trip of a lifetime. I have seen elders simply "turn their faces to the wall" as the ancient saying goes about death; the poor family struggling to communicate, but they, though they are still there, are involved in something other. Often almost a drug trip sort of concentration even when there are no drugs.
I was involved in CPR on many patients as I worked cardiology. None in my experience saw lights or tunnels, but none were frightened, one knew who did CPR on him, though we entered the room when he had flat lined; he said at once "you and Robin brought me back".
So to me it is a tremendous mystery. I often did see patients let loose of life when they "saw" others who had passed before. Especially remember a man who said "It's OK, my sister has come for me". He had been very frightened of death before that.
I have a friend who has worked hospice most of her career, younger than me, current the DON at a large ALF in my city. Many stories.
I have always been a bit fascinated with death. While an atheist I am in interested in all beliefs, and have read an awful lot about them. Some Buddhists in our hospital sat a sort of vigil for at least 8 hours, at the bedside of their LO; during that time the body was to be undisturbed, and they told me they thought good thoughts to help their LO on their journey from them.
Just so fascinated with the whole thing, myself. I am 78. Have never feared death for a second. Now suffering? THAT I do fear with a stone cold dread. I am so thankful that we have enough medication now usually, to keep people from pain. I never felt sick in my career over blood or gore, but a suffering patient was enough to make me dizzy. Early in my career, before Hospice, there was not enough medication given out of fear the person would die.

If I have learned anything about the journey of death it's that each person will transition in their own way. My ex husband and my father-in-law have similar stories, the both knew they were dying and struggled until a loved one said it was OK to go. Each one visibly calmed and passed within minutes. My grandmother and a cousin were different, they both stayed in denial until the very end. I think it would have been cruel to urge them along to something they did not accept. My grandmother spent weeks in the pre-active phase, it took my cousin about ten days. My own Dad passed right after I told him we were all here.

I like that Alva said, doctors give answers because it is expected of them even when they really don't have the answer. I personally see death as the greatest mystery of all. There are no experts or "musts" in my opinion.

As for supporting a dying loved one, I guess we just have to pay attention to the signals and try to say and do what will bring the most comfort. No matter what we do it will likely not be perfect but if we let then know we love them and that they are precious to us, maybe that is the best we can do.

Of course there are never any guarantees one way or the other.

We can always have hope. Some facts can’t be disputed. We are foolish if we disbelieve the inevitable.

Everyone has a right to choose to believe what they feel is true.

Whenever I have been told by a doctor or nurse that someone was dying it happened to be true. I am not telling anyone else what to believe.

It is lovely that your Grandmom had extra time no matter the doctor's opinions--and that you and your Dad had many more years of time with her than your Dad ever expected, for whatever reason. It is lovely to have good news to celebrate in tough times. I so agree with you on helping people. I think most of us are on Forum to try to do just that, right?

Whew. It is all about helping someone. That is what it is all about.

Do you know why we are not seeing a move of God like we should? Because of disobedience.

"We have a "form and a fashion" but we deny the power, thereof."

We often believe Doctors are Gods, and accept their word as though they are. As a Nurse I can assure you that they are NOT God, if anyone, indeed is. Doctors get treated with an enormous amount of respect, and they easily get what is called a "God Complex". Given the miracles they sometime create one can certainly understand.
I often repeat my old Oncologists answer to me when I was battling cancer and asked whether to accept or reject a particular treatment: "Oh, I don't know....... It's anything but an exact science. (I can still see him lean his old style chair back). I can tell you the truth because you are a nurse. The truth is that people expect us to give them answers. So we give them". Usually the Docs can read a case and make the very educated correct guess. But often it is only that, an educated guess.
As to "saying goodbye", I don't believe in it ever. Tell someone you love them, have learned from them, remember everything they have taught you and treasure it. (Tell them that NOW and on the day they are possibly dying)But don't tell them "Goodbye". When my hospice nurse best friend did that to her dying bro, and told him he could go toward the light, he looked up at her with terror as in "Are you saying I am DYING!!" She knew at once it was the wrong thing to say. Some people are NEVER willing to go gently into that good night.
It's such an interesting topic for discussion, really.

NeedHelpWithMom

What I was trying to point out was - My dad was believing what the doctor was saying. That all hope was gone. The doctor was saying, "It was time to say goodbye."

I had Faith in my GOD and I told my dad, "Man don't have the final say."

To God Be All The Glory, My grandmother did a 100 degree turn in that hospital and Praise God, "She lived many years, thereafter."

I LOVE YOU. : )

Hailey, I agree, keep the hope, anything is possible.

Glad that your grandmother lived longer than expected. I do see why your dad did what he did though. He wanted to be prepared.

"Prepare for the worst and expect the best" is what I would have said. Basically the same thing.

It works so well in every aspect of life.

We never know the hour or the day our time will come and this is true. But don't be caught scrambling at the last minute. Be prepared for the final wishes of your loved ones.

I believe it was realyreal who recently posted something to the effect that we should "Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best"? It is so true.
I am sure you were grateful for the many years of your Grandmother, Hailey.

Amen! My God is able, more than able to accomplish what concerns me today.

That is true for anyone that believes.

Thank you for sharing that reminder.