My entire childhood and adult hood has always been her calling when she needs something and talking bad about me. I’ve always helped her regardless because I love her and her life according to her is always a disaster. Even if her lawn turns brown it’s a huge dramatic disaster. But a year ago she was diagnosed with a return of breast cancer (after 5 yrs remission) that was in one place in her bones. It was removed and treated. She keeps telling me she had a few months left but when I went to Dr with her, he said it was no longer showing anyplace and her bloodwork was great and if it did show he has a whole toolbox of things he has not even tried. Now she says she has lung disease and I believe is still smoking. She’s up late on social media She texts me every day or more often complaining how sick she feels. She calls me sobbing and I mean sobbing. sometimes I am in meetings at work. I’ve given her many thousands this past year to help financially. I have my daughter and grandkids I help. I am living in chronic stress and have auto immune and many chronic illnesses and am past full retirement age still working a high stress job. Sometimes I wonder how much more I can take. I feel she is angry and jealous. With all The stress, I sometimes feel I’ll die first. I also have a heart condition recently diagnosed. some days I block her texts. But then I worry. She is relentless. But then I think how it must feel to have her illnesses. I feel nuts myself some days and angry too. I worked so hard and made good decisions so I would have good retirement years. I am mostly preoccupied due to this and don’t get to enjoy important things like my grandson just graduated. I havent even been able to retireI don’t know how much longer I can deal with all the stress.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder
I would consider also telling your sister you are very sorry for her illness, but that you simply aren't trained to provide her good support. I am myself dealing with my second bout of cancer. I try not to burden my family, as those who are close to us and stand witness to physical traumas are very burdened. Your sister may need counseling; she may need anti depressant. But every day she is on THIS SIDE OF THE GRASS is a GOOD DAY, and one not to be wasted. She needs her own support groups. Even if it is only on Facebook. (Truly I have found tremendous support in those going through the same things I am. Who understands radiation therapy so well as a sister GETTING IT right along with you?)
Good luck Sue. Sorry times are right now so very tough. We have many regulars on this site who have done the cancer journey. Your sis isn't alone. And either are you. But you are going to have to do the work of reaching out.
Find a way to cut your stress and retire before YOU wind up in your sisters shoes, God forbid. Money means nothing if you're not alive to spend it. I thank God every day I chose to retire at 62 because by 65, I had stage 4 cancer. My DH was forced to retire by 63 after 2 back to back medical emergencies, and a 3rd that came afterward. Don't take anything for granted. Enjoy your life NOW and don't borrow stress or drama from anyone, since you cannot fix their problems.
I don't say this to scare you....just as a wake up call.
Good luck to you.
And in case you didn't understand what I just said, let me say it again....YOUR SISTER IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILTY!!!
I hope you got it that time.
Your sister is a grown a$$ woman and while it's a shame she's had some health issues, she is responsible for her health and her finances, just like you are responsible for your own health and finances. And if you continue giving her your money, what will have left when you need it for yourself?
Sadly you have yet to set the much needed boundaries with your needy and manipulative sister, but instead have let her use and abuse you for all these years. It's time you put your big girl panties on now and learn how to say the word NO and mean it.
NO...I can't give you anymore money.
NO...I can't continue to put your needs and health before mine anymore as I matter too.
NO...I won't be taking anymore of your calls when I am work, and they will have to wait until I am off the clock.
You get the picture right? No is such a simple yet powerful word that many people(including you) just never learned to use. But I guarantee that once you start using it, you will LOVE it!
So start using the word no, and turn your darn phone off(or block her number) and let her calls go to voicemail. And then you get the choice of whether or not you want to call her back.
It's past time that you take your life back and start taking better care of yourself so you can be there for your daughter and grandchildren.