I feel like I have done my part, found and narrowed down the choices of facilities to 2. Now I feel like it is up to him.

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You are not responsible for MILs debts. MIL cannot have anymore than 2k in the bank for Medicaid care in a NH. She is allowed her house. It will have to be sold for market value while she is alive and used for her care. There will be no "heirs" because she won't have any money. If the house hasn't sold by the time she passes, a lean will be put on it. If then it sells, the lean will be satisfied at time of closing. If there is money left, it will go to heirs. Again, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MOMS DEBTS.

You really need to make an appt with Medicaid. Take all financials and insurance policies. Medicaid will require you to cash in any policies with cash in value. You can use these for prepaid burial.

So sorry your husband is like this. A good sit down is needed somewhere alone. He has to realize some of the stress will be lifted once his Mom is placed in a home. All her needs will be met. All he will need to do is visit.
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Yeah, Lost, but don't do it; you'll be sorry the next morning!
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He would be angry, it seems like anything I try to do makes him angry. I was just reading about the symptoms of ad, and I don't think he has it, may be caused by the stress of the whole situation.

I have also been reading up on the medicaid waiver and it seems to me that medicaid can do a recovery from ALL heirs, but it may not just be the waiver program. We are in for such a very bad time. :( So, I wonder how normal people can cover the cost of a facility or in home health care without any assistance. This is absolutely crazy! And I wonder, why do I care?

My husband has always been the type to let others do "the dirty work". I don't think he has ever heard the word "NO" in his life, especially not for the last 31+ years, my fault. Everything is. I now understand why some people commit suicide.
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Have you considered couple counselling? You mention that the marriage was troubled before the issues with MIL and isn't getting any better. If he is at an appointment he is paying for, presumably your husband would pay attention long enough to hear your concerns. This might put the marriage on a better footing when MIL is out of your house.

Or ... does he really want you to make the decisions? Are their other family members who would object if they knew that is how things are being handled? It sounds like you have already done much of the work leading to a decision. What if you take the final steps and then say, "MIL can move into Golden Acres on July 5th. You need to be there to sign some paperwork. I'll arrange for moving help." Would he be relieved, or angry? And later, "I've found a real estate agent I think we can work with in selling the house. She will be here at 7:00 Tuesday. You'll need to have your authorization papers to show her. She will also need to meet with MIL, but she wants to start with us."

What makes you think he may have early onset AD? Whatever is causing those symptoms may be interfering with him taking a reasonable approach to his responsibilities. If his general approach has been head-in-the-sand, AD symptoms may intensify that. Most married people love their spouses in spite of their imperfections. It is entirely possible to love someone who has his head in the sand, and to want to save the marriage. But then there has to be some other mechanism to get things done. Are you willing for that to be you?
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I just wanted to get his mom all set up before something happens to me. My brain is fine, my body, not so much . I would like to scream at him, but he's never around long enough. We have 2 kids, the girl is 31, and my son will be 24, and my son acts just like my husband. "Maybe it will all go away if I bury my head in the sand because dragging my feet hasn't worked". Geez!
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And to top it all off, he and I, think he has early on set AD and me with my health problems but of course being the kind of man he is, will not go to the doctor. He is nuts!
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I fully understand it's now up to him. He needs to be around to do all of this - he is working so many hours. But he needs to tour the facilities, get assessments, meet with people, sell her house, etc. It seems he is burying his head in the sand! I'm getting so fed up with this crap and there's always a good "excuse ". We had marital trouble before but this is pushing it...more and more.
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Tacy, need to read previous posts by OP. OP has her own health problems and can no longer care for her MIL. So needs husband to decide.

Yes, LITM, he now needs to do his part. He needs to understand that Mom is going to get worse. Is he willing to shower, dress and toilet her because you can't. He is the son, he needs to step up to the plate. He is now the parent and she is the child. Its now what she needs not what she wants.
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Are you going to use waiver?
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Do you mean it is up to your husband to select the facility to move his mother into?

What is the problem with that? Is he resisting making the decision? Does he want you to decide?
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