Amymomof1, the only way one can have an ounce of success to have an elder stop driving is to offer options..... like you driving Mom where ever she wants to go.
I thought that was a good idea until I realized my parents [who were in their 90's] wanted to ride somewhere 3 or 4 times a day. Oops. I was working full time and no way could I leave work just because Mom saw a sale on cans of peas 4 for a $1.00.
Tried to suggest they use a taxi [Uber wasn't invented] but no way would my Mom ride with a stranger. So my sig other drove Mom on his days off during the week. And I took over on the weekend. Thank God for on-line grocery shopping and home delivery, even though my Mom said "the food tasted funny", same brand items she was buying from that grocery store in the past.
Check to see if your area has senior ride-ons where a mini-bus will stop at her house to take her different places. Or if there is family around, if the family can volunteer to drive Mom every now and then.
Powerful story! Even if there isn’t a death or tragedy there comes a time when the elderly need to hang up the keys.
I just dropped my daughter off at preschool. I was driving away to get to my physical therapy appointment and an elderly woman hit my vehicle in the school parking lot.
She caused a tremendous amount of damage because she put her car in reverse, backs up without looking in the rear view mirror and BAM!
So what does she do then? Tries to run from the scene. I was smarter though. I jumped out of my car and stopped her from leaving, got her license number and called the cops. She said to me, “I can’t stay, I have stuffed peppers in the oven baking.” I told her, “Well, I am missing an important physical therapy session but neither of us are going anywhere until the police show up and make a report. You plowed into me. You will pay for the damage.”
So the cop shows up and she immediately lies to the cop! I lost my patience thinking here I am a young woman and this old lady is going to sweet talk her way out of slamming right into me. She told the cop I should have gone around her. I said to her, “How lady? With wings and fly over the other cars in the parking lot?” The cop quickly told me to calm down, whispered in my ear that he could see just from the damage on my car that it was her fault but I couldn’t tell her that he told me that. I kept his secret. Turned out he felt sorry for me about the damage to my car and about her lying to the cop.
She was driving her daughter’s car, dropping off her grandson at preschool and was in a hurry to get back to her peppers! Her daughter never allowed her to drive again. Her insurance paid for my damage and I was paranoid around old lady drivers for quite awhile afterwards! Hahaha
This is an issue that goes way beyond what our LO's WANT.
Yep, let her keep driving and ask yourself if you can live with the very great possibility that they may have an accident and kill someone? If you can, the let it go. Almost w/o question they will hit something or someone.
The small amount of guilt you will feel for saying "no more driving' is miniscule to the neverending awfulness of someone being hit and killed. My neighbor's 18 yo son went out with some friends one afternoon--within 20 minutes, an elderly man broadsided the car this young man was in and killed 3/4 of the kids in the car.
Yeah, his family felt terrible. As they should. But this man had fought his family so hard for the right to drive. What a cost.
We are NOT alone on this island doing what we want b/c we just WANT to.
YB took mother's car keys and disabled her car. He stood firm in her not driving ever again. She fussed, fought, cried and called us all horrible things, but we didn't budge.
We were in the same boat - but not having any luck "getting it taken away". Dr. was no help either.
And MIL was SO not gracious! She was her usual stubborn, "I want what I want and I want it now!" self.
Once MIL had her stroke, she was restricted from driving. She still did sometimes, and we all got up in arms trying to stop it. After shoulder replacement she was physically unable to drive for some time, in addition to the doctor saying NO. So that helped us a lot. She would still badger the doctor asking when she could drive again, and they put her off -- as much for the physical limitations as for the cognitive issues that they could clearly see.
Luckily for us - her license expired (I *may* have known the expiration was coming, and *might* have neglected to mention it . . . . . . :)
Now she has a state issued ID, and would have to take the written and driving test to legally drive again = such a blessed relief because there is no way on earth she could pass either one!!
When does your mom's expire? Would letting it go be a way to maybe make her stop driving??
Stop hoping -- you're the one in the best position to do it. You can anonymously write to her state's DMV and make your case as to why she needs to be retested. If it's as bad as you say, she will fail and she'll never know it was you.
FYI my cousins didn't have the spine to take away their dad's driver license and he ran a stop sign and got T-boned and it killed his wife and dog. Thankfully the other people weren't seriously hurt. So, please act.
I feel the same about my Mom, but there is no reasoning with her. She puts up a fight about keeping windows closed during these summer heat waves. There’s no way to talk her into a driver’s refresher course, either. I went last year by myself. Hoping her doc can get through to her.
I don’t blame you. I would feel the same way if she shouldn’t be driving. Good luck! Maybe others who have dealt with your situation can give good advice.
Fortunately, my mom was gracious about turning in the keys. She gave her car away!
I thought that was a good idea until I realized my parents [who were in their 90's] wanted to ride somewhere 3 or 4 times a day. Oops. I was working full time and no way could I leave work just because Mom saw a sale on cans of peas 4 for a $1.00.
Tried to suggest they use a taxi [Uber wasn't invented] but no way would my Mom ride with a stranger. So my sig other drove Mom on his days off during the week. And I took over on the weekend. Thank God for on-line grocery shopping and home delivery, even though my Mom said "the food tasted funny", same brand items she was buying from that grocery store in the past.
Check to see if your area has senior ride-ons where a mini-bus will stop at her house to take her different places. Or if there is family around, if the family can volunteer to drive Mom every now and then.
Good luck !!
Powerful story! Even if there isn’t a death or tragedy there comes a time when the elderly need to hang up the keys.
I just dropped my daughter off at preschool. I was driving away to get to my physical therapy appointment and an elderly woman hit my vehicle in the school parking lot.
She caused a tremendous amount of damage because she put her car in reverse, backs up without looking in the rear view mirror and BAM!
So what does she do then? Tries to run from the scene. I was smarter though. I jumped out of my car and stopped her from leaving, got her license number and called the cops. She said to me, “I can’t stay, I have stuffed peppers in the oven baking.” I told her, “Well, I am missing an important physical therapy session but neither of us are going anywhere until the police show up and make a report. You plowed into me. You will pay for the damage.”
So the cop shows up and she immediately lies to the cop! I lost my patience thinking here I am a young woman and this old lady is going to sweet talk her way out of slamming right into me. She told the cop I should have gone around her. I said to her, “How lady? With wings and fly over the other cars in the parking lot?” The cop quickly told me to calm down, whispered in my ear that he could see just from the damage on my car that it was her fault but I couldn’t tell her that he told me that. I kept his secret. Turned out he felt sorry for me about the damage to my car and about her lying to the cop.
She was driving her daughter’s car, dropping off her grandson at preschool and was in a hurry to get back to her peppers! Her daughter never allowed her to drive again. Her insurance paid for my damage and I was paranoid around old lady drivers for quite awhile afterwards! Hahaha
Yep, let her keep driving and ask yourself if you can live with the very great possibility that they may have an accident and kill someone? If you can, the let it go. Almost w/o question they will hit something or someone.
The small amount of guilt you will feel for saying "no more driving' is miniscule to the neverending awfulness of someone being hit and killed. My neighbor's 18 yo son went out with some friends one afternoon--within 20 minutes, an elderly man broadsided the car this young man was in and killed 3/4 of the kids in the car.
Yeah, his family felt terrible. As they should. But this man had fought his family so hard for the right to drive. What a cost.
We are NOT alone on this island doing what we want b/c we just WANT to.
YB took mother's car keys and disabled her car. He stood firm in her not driving ever again. She fussed, fought, cried and called us all horrible things, but we didn't budge.
I have zero regrets about that.
And MIL was SO not gracious! She was her usual stubborn, "I want what I want and I want it now!" self.
Once MIL had her stroke, she was restricted from driving. She still did sometimes, and we all got up in arms trying to stop it. After shoulder replacement she was physically unable to drive for some time, in addition to the doctor saying NO. So that helped us a lot. She would still badger the doctor asking when she could drive again, and they put her off -- as much for the physical limitations as for the cognitive issues that they could clearly see.
Luckily for us - her license expired (I *may* have known the expiration was coming, and *might* have neglected to mention it . . . . . . :)
Now she has a state issued ID, and would have to take the written and driving test to legally drive again = such a blessed relief because there is no way on earth she could pass either one!!
When does your mom's expire? Would letting it go be a way to maybe make her stop driving??
FYI my cousins didn't have the spine to take away their dad's driver license and he ran a stop sign and got T-boned and it killed his wife and dog. Thankfully the other people weren't seriously hurt. So, please act.
Good luck
Fortunately, my mom was gracious about turning in the keys. She gave her car away!