My father who is 81 is a classic NPD (narcissist) as I found out ast month. He crafted his way into my home. When he got here, he told me I was responsible for taking care of him now and threatened that for a month. I knew he wouldn't pay the measly $100 in rent I was charging him because he is a no good lowlife, so I waited until the second month to file the eviction. He has copd and is legally blind although he can see, just can't read. And many people told me the judge would look favorably on him. They were wrong. At least in Texas.
He couldn't help himself, he started digging in with the insults, devaluing, and shaming me, on Day 1. It really gets to a person when it's your parent, who got his trailer foreclosed for failure to pay HOA fees, talking garbage to his child who has over $1 million in equity from a lifetime of careful investing and wise spending habits. It's been 40 years of me never being with him without a witness present. I was so scared because I didn't want to relive any of that and he was trying to make me his permanent guardian and that wasn't the deal. First I needed to test the waters so to speak. I never liked him not even once but I gave him this one last benefit of the doubt. I was cordial but careful throughout my adult life. I wanted my parents to get a divorce when I was a minor. The WHOLE time I was a minor. They got divorced 20 years ago. The reason I had to take quick action is because he was threatening my entire professional future, my plans, etc. If I would have been forced to take care of him, I would lose everything I have so painstakenly saved for all these years. If he had been nice even once, I WOULD have been willing, but no, not ever, not unless it was a strategic self-serving manipulation. I am not the kind of person who would look the other way if an old family member needed help. But he basically dug his own grave.
So don't be scared to take action if you have an abusive family member. You don't have to take it and you shouldn't!
Distance and acceptance was the way I dealt with the childhood abuse, but when he came "back"... well, it turns out I was his optimum source of supply. His fave. I gave him everything, fighting, fear of him, restricting him, telling him no. He couldn't get enough. He knew how to ramp it up at a moment's notice. He needed no one but me. Until I let him go. But he drew me in once more on the night of his departure and began a bickering session. I remained calm this time. At two points in the conversation (about why he wasn't getting his gun back), I saw he knew he was losing control over me, he had a psychotic break, a schizophrenic episode an hour later which freaked me out. It wasn't for many days that I understood I was cutting off his lifeline. He wasn't even sane. Even after he knew he was evicted, I kept him feeling alive - by defining my boundaries, by refusing to talk to him and acting like I was bothered by his needs, by ignoring him. And of course I knew all this but for my own health I had to stay clear.
If I didn't have the support of the court behind me, it would have been just another argument that elevated him. I desperately needed the court. This time he had to go. By order of the judge. An hour and half later he was on the way to the airport.
I am sad. Throughout my life I acted normally, tried to work things out with him. It was never to be. I was just feeding him, little did I know. He is so good at this. I wasted a lot of time, time and energy I could have used on other things where I COULD make a difference.
He is on to his next victim by now. I don't know who it is.
Where did he go?
2) I was my own worst enemy in submitting to their control. 3) My issues required therapy to maintain a safe distance, practice being unavailable to their schemes and to STOP offering myself up as their victim. It may not be possible without therapy unless there is a huge amount of insight.
and I have a narc moo of mine: if I was better off and not as indolent, she would be sitting home alone or somewhere else. She is not bad, but is a major pain in the ass for the most part. (she definitely is not as bad as she has been)
Thank you for letting others know that there is a way to not be a victim..... I live in Texas... so yay for the court system.... good job !!!! Have a great life with no regrets.
To me, regardless of how bad a parent is, to allow a blind father into your home then turn around and evict him speaks of a characteristic I can't even find words for now. Nor am I sure he's the abuser in this scenario.
You never should have allowed him to move in in the first place; that would be something to share with others as guidance.
Why didn't you just say "NO" instead of allegedly allowing him to "craft" his way in?