I don't wish this on anyone......elderly care.

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People don't realize what it involves with taking care of an elderly parent. It's life changing......it's almost like a curse.......it's terrible. I have no time for myself......had to quit my job......have siblings that won't help.........my mother is in terrible condition......eyes, heart and arthritis. She is always constipated and wants milk of mag all the time. I feel like I'm trapped......no time to do anything myself. When a parent gets old....it's terrible......life is terrible.

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As caregivers, we have a bit of inside information that others who have not walked in our shoes do not have. From this experience, I choose to pass all my worldly possessions (house and any money left) to our children now. Note: I was widowed at 59 from the man of my dreams so it is just me now and I will never remarry as I refuse to replace him with someone else.) I have insisted to our children that I want to live in a nursing home rather than with them. I adore our children and they treat me like gold. That's how I want them to remember things. If I hadn't done this caregiving, I would have never thought to make such a critical decision. and I feel good about it.
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Just an update......things are still a living hell. My 88 year old mother likes to argue with me every day. Even in her old age.....the "fight in her" never left. Yes, life is bad. I'm tormented by her every day. I'm dying a little each day. Caregiving is a slow death. The curse continues.....
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I got the same feeling, beammeupscotty. I decided to ignore, especially because I am glad that people have Medicaid as a safety net in these days of high end-of-life costs. I wish there was a way to get the costs down, but I think they will only go higher.
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Seems like the comment I just read on this page about "lets hear horror stories" is throwing lighter fluid on a fire we all want to put out or at least let die down so we can calm ourselves down. It's ok to to vent and tell each other our stories, but I felt a very weird feeling when reading that comment..like someone who is getting pleasure out of pain..think about it, kind of scary. praying for you.
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Recognizing Compassion Fatigue

Compassion Fatigue symptoms are normal displays of stress resulting from the care giving work you perform on a regular basis. While the symptoms are often disruptive, depressive, and irritating, an awareness of the symptoms and their negative effect on your life can lead to positive change, personal transformation, and a new resiliency. Reaching a point where you have control over your own life choices will take time and hard work. There is no magic involved. There is only a commitment to make your life the best it can be.

Normal symptoms present in an individual include:

• Excessive blaming

• Bottled up emotions


• Isolation from others

• Receives unusual amount of complaints from others

• Voices excessive complaints about administrative functions

• Substance abuse used to mask feelings

• Compulsive behaviors such as overspending, overeating, gambling, sexual addictions

• Poor self-care (i.e., hygiene, appearance)

• Legal problems, indebtedness

• Reoccurrence of nightmares and flashbacks to traumatic event

• Chronic physical ailments such as gastrointestinal problems and recurrent colds

• Apathy, sad, no longer finds activities pleasurable

• Difficulty concentrating

• Mentally and physically tired

• Preoccupied

• In denial about problems

When Compassion Fatigue hits critical mass in the workplace, the organization itself suffers. Chronic absenteeism, spiraling Worker's Comp costs, high turnover rates, friction between employees, and friction between staff and management are among organizational symptoms that surface, creating additional stress on workers.

Healing an organization takes time, patience, and most important, commitment. An awareness of Compassion Fatigue and its far reaching effects must be present at the highest level of management and work its way down to encompass line staff, as well as volunteers. Often, the mistrust that employees feel towards management is not unfounded. Since many care giving institutions are non-profit, they inherit additional challenges such as low wages, lack of space, high management turnover rate, and constantly shifting priorities.

Organizational symptoms of Compassion Fatigue inlcude:

• High absenteeism

• Constant changes in co-workers relationships

• Inability for teams to work well together

• Desire among staff members to break company rules

• Outbreaks of aggressive behaviors among staff

• Inability of staff to complete assignments and tasks

• Inability of staff to respect and meet deadlines

• Lack of flexibility among staff members

• Negativism towards management

• Strong reluctance toward change

• Inability of staff to believe improvement is possible

• Lack of a vision for the future
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Wonderful day at the doctor today! if she is going we are not going out in hell!
I am getting up, getting dressed and coming to the party!
ONE THING I AM POSITIVE OF ..YOU CANNOT FORCE ACCEPTANCE..YOU HAVE TO HIT ABSOLUT ROCK BOTTOM OR YOUR OWN TERMS..YOU CANT FORCE IT, SO JUST WORK ON IT...
TAKE BABY STEPS!!
Lots of love n light to you all.....Juju
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Wow....so...a site just for those of us who are "blessed with the honor" of providing parental care. Honor? Yes....per the bible and I believe the Word of God. Blessing...a blessing to still have my mother with me. NO doubt or questions. Ok. That's all said and done. I'm STILL human. I still have feelings and they matter, too. I'm two months shy of 39, have no children, no boyfriend, and now mom has suffered a stroke that has left a shell of who my mom once was. I miss her so MUCH, and she is sitting right next to me most everyday. I just walked out of my job last week for my own reasons, but it was what I had thought of doing ANYway a week prior. Mom gets "too much money" to qualify for Medicare. I ain't even TRY. I already know having worked in the medical field. She DOES get good money, and it has gone FAST. Private sitter...couple that with an OLDER by 10 years brother who "helps...as it suits his schedule"...coupled THAT with me driving an hour one way to my former job out of state and back daily at 4pm to make sure the sitter goes home, mom is fed, meds taken, etc. etc. etc.....and now her sight is going quickly. "You see my eye...?" All the time...she can't help it. It's driving me NUTS....she is depressed...I ache for her...and me. I actually had a Fri to Mon kinda sorta beach wknd break and called her two of the three days....I was worried about her. She's my bestie of all besties, and needs me now more than I feel I have in me to give some days. Tears....so many of us out here, huh? Thanks...this is so hard. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.
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I want to hear Medicaid and nursing home stories.......money horror stories......how you literally got 'ripped off' by Medicaid.......let's hear it.
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Sorry about the spelling, I'm tired! Try to spell exciting!
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You go girl! sounds awesome and very positive to me. Prayer changes things. Those words, I love you, erase all of the other stuff. This is so sxciting, it is worth it all!
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