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I feel like crying right now. My husband had left a treasured room thermometer at my mother's place to help gauge just how hot or cold it was there. She has dementia. We had left it on the table, kind of out of sight so she wouldn't notice it. It sat there for six or seven months. We now have reason to believe she threw it out. Of course, she doesn't remember moving or even picking it up. My husband is very upset right now, as it belonged to his father.


I know everyone is going to tell me, "Oh, you can't leave anything of value in their place or it will go missing." I guess we were playing Russian Roulette, but I just can't understand why someone would throw out a thermometer.


I don't want anyone to tell me that dementia keeps her from remembering what she did. I don't want anyone telling me to stay patient or count to 10 or any other advice for how to deal with this. I guess there is still this small part of me that wants some normalcy in her and my life, and after tonight, I guess that is just going to not ever be the case.


I don't know what my question is. I guess I just hate the way her dementia has hurt my husband and hurt me.

My grandma took one thousand dollars in cash from my bedroom and after tearing my house apart multiple times looking for it, I eventually gave up and came to grips with the fact it was gone. However 5 years later I finally found it taped to the side of her mattress with sheets from a lint roller. Don't give up hope, it'll turn up when you least expect it.
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Thank you, Visa, for posting an update!  I'm so happy you found it!!  A real Win!  There will be more wins!  When things turn up, makes you feel great!    :) lil
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Thank you so much for posting again. It’s so nice to hear a ‘happy ending’ - they aren’t easy to come by. Very best of wishes to you, your husband and your mother.
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To all of you who responded to my outcry in January, THANK YOU! I so appreciate your reaching out with comforting words. They were what I needed to hear. I'm glad I found this site.
An update: I actually did find the thermometer! It was in a dresser drawer we hadn't thought to look in. So all in well in that regard. I still deal with Mom's sundowning, as I'm sure many of you do with your parents. Hope to see your comments in other places here.
Again, thank you so much. Your words helped heal the hurt.
Visa
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Visa - do you think there's a chance that your mother didn't throw the thermometer out, but instead hid it? My mother also has Alzheimer's and she takes things that she likes and hides them. I can't think of anything that she actually throws out. Everything that went missing was taken by her and hidden away. We eventually found them but boy we had to search high and low.
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I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this.  These type things bother me, too, and surely most all who deal with anyone who has this horrible disease. 

Please don't beat yourself up with guilt.  You can't always anticipate every possible thing that may happen; no one can.  We just do the best we can, and can only try to accept what happens as we go. 

It may not be much comfort, but it could still turn up later.  They put things away, hide things, and then one day .. there it is.  Take care.
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I am not going to scold you. You don’t need or deserve that. I feel you are well aware of what takes place in this situation. You are right that you don’t need your nose rubbed in it.

All I want to say to you is that I am so sorry that you and your husband are hurting. I am also sorry that your mom has this dreadful disease. Sending you a bazillion hugs! 💗
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Visa you and your husband have every right to feel upset that a treasured item has been lost.

The fact that Mum has dementia does not make your loss any less.
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Visa - I hope you did cry - you need to let it out.  I know your hurt, your frustration, your grief (yes, you're grieving the loss of the person you used to know) and fact is, too many of us do.  I'm so sorry you're feeling this and I hope that it shows up one day.  Unless you know for certain, don't give up on it.  I've had things of sentimental value go missing, only to find them in the strangest places - sometimes years later.  Hug your husband and try to get some rest.  Bless you. 💙
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There's no good/great/fabulous/effective way to deal with the hideous & hateful disease known as dementia. My mother suffers from it, and I find myself wanting to believe there's still some of 'her' left in there. Sometimes there is, but it's very very little. Last night, for instance, I was saying how fortunate it was that she hasn't gotten the flu or a cold or virus this winter season yet. So she screams, "WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO GET SICK?" It's like, REALLY? Can I say ANYTHING without provoking an argument or snide remark, I wonder?

I feel your pain. There's no good coming from this disease for any of us. I'm really sorry you've lost an item that was near & dear to your hubby's heart.
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Visa; Dementia is a cruel dreadful disease. It has not whys or wherefores. It robs our loved ones from us before they die.

I'm so sorry for your pain and for your husband's. The loss of precious items is a hard thing to bear. As is the loss of your parent.


(((hugs)))))
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