This is a whole new journey. Yes, my moms is getting around $50,000 a year plus her social security (which won’t be there when my husband retires) . So she is finally having a shower put in that my husband did. So, the next step is cutting her grass. He got new blades and all this stuff for the lawnmower. Then I guess the cash rent guy said he has someone interested in renting the pasture for the cows. Well of course I am out in the yard minding my own business with the puppies and this big truck stopped . He waved me out and introduced himself. Really nice guy. He has worked with our families for decades. He also tried to help my brother with the cows. This pasture would be great except she needs a different drive to get the hay in. She can’t drive through my brother's lane and then the fence that was torn down and gates. I gave the information to my mother regarding Wayne. If it came down it would be lee and I doing everything. I don’t know what is wrong with me. It’s going to be the same, leave early I clean her kitchen top to bottom. I do not know how they have lived as long as they did. Then he looks at more thing,s I take her for groceries and anything she needs laundry. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself I have an amazing guy that would do anything and everything for me and my family. Little different what my brother said where’s he been for 30 years. Right here but you were in charge. Then I think about my brother saying he doesn’t have a little tractor to put in his shed. You know everything happened so fast and emotions were everywhere. I wish we could have slowed down and just talked and how can we get through it. However, that’s not my family. Anyway I just feel like we will be wrapped up in the same life we had last year. My husband and I have all of our cars house lot all paid for. Do we want debts. We didn’t have children first my health and second we just wanted to be responsible for each other. I have not seen my brother or sister in law except when she told me to keep driving or she was calling the cops to get it. But am I crazy. I still feel a connection within my brother and I. There is still something there. When I went away for treatment for anorexia December 26, 2013 at the weight of 87 pounds. I didn’t know this but from a very young age of 9-10, we were on a family vacation and my brother witnessed how weak I was. Of course my mom could never admit it was that. My first real treatment my brother was so proud of me and so was my niece. We were also allies because my mom thought you just got over it. She would also get upset if my brother and I were talking even just joking around. If I did talk to my mother she would ask what did your brother say about me now. I know I cannot change anyone only the way I react to them I think in this exact moment there will never be the same exact moment. But also my therapist said that as of right now in this moment his family and himself are not capable to be in our lives right now we don’t know what an hour or a day can bring. I apologize for hitting a couple of topics. I feel like I was spoiled throughout the winter. My mom lived with us December 1-31 she was hospitalized with anemia kidney shutting down and this awful cold. She was really week when she was discharged so I picked her up at 9 but they didn’t give us for at least one night to change bandages. But it worked out for the best. She stayed with us December 1-31 and then back in February for a funeral for a gentleman who served in Korea together. Ed’s funeral was February 11 th and of course we had reservations for a couple night at the lodge. But that birthday meant more to me and my husband than all those before. I am just so grateful that we were able to get my mom there. But through all this good stuff I do want to cry I do want to have some of my husband attention. Any suggestions I would appreciate so much love you all

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No I understand my husband social security doesn’t effect her. It’s a thing we say because by the time lee gets to social security age there probably won’t be anything left. You know as a cop he has never had a cost of living raise. So you stayed because you want to help people. You put your life on the line every day. Well when you retire you retire with those medical benefits. I am totally grateful for the benefits. Well he retire in two years. There will be a premium it is going to be tough. But as long as we have each other that’s all that matters. Thank you all. You should do a treat you Thursday

When my Mom needed to make the driveway wider so that our tenant could drive his HUGE tractor into our corn field, Mom asked the tenant to widen the driveway and put a longer culvert in. 

Tell your Mom that since you and Lee do not know what Wayne needs done to the driveway and the fences (and you do not own the right equipment), that you told Wayne to do what needs to be done (driveway, fences, gate, etc.) so that his cattle will be safe.  He can send your Mom a bill for the expenses or he can subtract the expenses for the driveway, fence and gate from the $25,000 he is going to pay your Mom later this year.  Just have Wayne give your Mom an itemized sales slip so that she can claim the expenses on her income taxes in 2020.

When your husband retires, it will have no effect on your Mom's Social Security.  Your Mom's Social Security is/was related to your Father's Social Security.  Your Social Security is related to your Husband's Social Security. 

You need to hire someone to do the yard work and "handyman work" on your Mom's farm.  You are running Lee and yourself into the ground.  If you are not careful, both of you will be too sick to do anything at your house and/or your Mom's house.  Please take care of yourself and of Lee.  You both deserve that!

I am sorry that your brother and SIL are still not talking to you.  As Barb and others have mentioned, you have NO CONTROL over what your brother or SIL do or say.  You only have control over HOW YOU REACT to their actions or words.  You need to grieve the loss of your brother's occupation as a farmer and then focus on something and someone Lee. 

Take care of yourself. 
{{{HUGS}}}  🌷  & Prayers 🙏

Your mother has more than enough income to pay someone to do the things she expects you to do for free. Adding a rural driveway is not a big deal, drop a culvert in the ditch and cover it with gravel. Unless there is livestock a gate isn't necessary. You are killing yourself trying to live up to some unrealistic ideal standard and/or your mother's expectations, stop doing that.

Staff, listen to your therapist. You are sad that your brother isn't in your life right now. I get that. But you have no control over that.

Can you work on letting go of the stuff that you cant change? And working on the stuff that is within what they call your own "locus of control"?

Why will your mom's social security be less when your husband retires?

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