My sister is developmentally challenged and also has dementia in some form. She is living in a Nursing Home where she is well cared for. I am the only family member who is able to visit on a regular basis. My sister's behaviour has been changing a lot recently. Now when I visit, she tells me to go home or go away and I don't want you to visit me. She knows who I am and for some reason she doesn't want to see me. She has a private care worker who sees her twice a week and she seems to be ok with her. Every time I visit, I leave there in tears and feel completely deflated. I try so hard to provide her with whatever she needs. This is so hard.
Dementia is unpredictable, and who knows why she doesn't want to see you! You may never know. Chalk it up to the disease and enjoy your freedom from uncomfortable visits that don't benefit either of you. You have a right to protect yourself, so do so. Enjoy your time off! She will eventually get worse, at which time she may not know anybody but still need someone to watch over her from afar. Do that by remaining friendly with the workers there and with her private aide.
I wish you luck, and I hope you can successfully back off and stop fussing over her when she doesn't appreciate it.
go when she is having a meal.
go when there is an activity that she is involved with.
you do not have to even let her know you are there. Just visit from afar.
If the facility takes them out for a lunch or other outing ask them to let you know and you can show up and just observe. If she happens to see you and says anything you can say it was a coincidence and you and go off in another direction..
You can still provide what she needs or wants packages can be delivered. You can even wrap some items as a surprise for her.
If she keeps saying no, then do as Daughter suggests and visit her from afar w/o her knowledge. See that she's clean, dressed, fed etc, then leave. My mother only acted out with me. To everyone else she was sweet and lovely. To me she had sharp fangs. I dreaded the visits, and always too my husband with me as a buffer. She didn't act out as badly in front of him as she would if I were there alone.
Best of luck to you.