Guess I need to connect with you all ....only caregivers now how each other feels. I've come to this site many times this past year, and you all always made me feel I could make it.
I alone took care of Dad for 6 years. He died just a few weeks ago. Strange how I felt more relief than grief. We were close. Now I'm able to do what I need to do, and get back to work, and re-establish an income. Dad had nothing left after being taken care of for so long. Even all my money's gone. So, that being said, of course I need to get income asap to pay the bills. But I feel so stuck and unmotivated. I don't know why I feel so incompetent and in limbo. I'm in serious financial trouble, but I can't seem to get moving. Anyone else experience this after their loved one dies?

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Solegiver...I am so very sorry for your loss and I do understand where you are coming from. I am now into my fourth year caring for my Mama. Everyone has given excellent advice and I am going to be on the same path when the day arrives that I lose Mama. I had to leave my job and career (well I chose to I guess I'd say) but I also took out my retirement, ended up selling my house instead of losing it but I'm still here...and I think what Jeanne said...maybe for now find something that is a little low key to help you ease back into the workforce....I don't even want to think of reentering that world, but I know it is coming...and like you, I already know that the younger folks will probably have dibs on the jobs I want, but I think I will be content at first with just finding something that will help me ease into it. You are still grieving at this point and I know you will be able to do this..don't put too much pressure on yourself...In my heart I believe that having been such a kind, giving and loving person for the past six years...that will go a long way toward helping you in the long run...I believe your love and care for your Dad will be rewarded along the way...

Have you checked into a health care provider for low income individuals...After a LOT of pushing and coaxing from folks, I finally went this very day to an establishment that provides health care to folks with no insurance, low or no income, etc. and I have to say that i was pleasantly surprised at the degree of care I got...Maybe the social worker could provide some info regarding any services available in your area? Do keep us posted...I will keep you in my prayers...and take care of yourself.

solegiver, I took care of my husband for 10 years. He died two years ago. In some ways I have got on with my life, and in other ways I wonder if I ever will. But certainly three weeks is way too soon to worry about your mental heath over this. Being stuck, being numb, being unmotivated is "normal" at this point. Be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much too soon.

But, having said that, being without income gives you a whole new set of problems to cope with. For the sake of minimizing that set of problems you may need to force yourself to get on with finding employment.

I think the first step toward employment is someone to talk to, and it sounds like the hospice social worker is a good candidate. Make a list of things to do to start employment, and put contacting her at the top of the list. You can't cope with a lot of things right now, but you need to cope with getting income, and you sound like the kind of person who can do that, with a little support.

Perhaps right now you should not even try to find the career job you'll want to do for the next five to ten years. Maybe look for something low key. You might be "over qualified" for a lot of jobs, but a job that is not too demanding might get you back into the market. Think of it as a starter home -- and plan to trade up when you are ready.

I'm sorry that you have to plunge into the job market so soon. But you CAN do this -- you certainly did a lot harder things in the past 6 years.

Please come back and tell us how things are working out.

Thank you so much texarcana and ba8alou for your comments, I appreciate it. Dad had hospice, and the social worker is great. She and I get along so well together...but I can't seem to pick up the phone to call her. I feel such stress and pressure to find income now. that it seems impossible to relax. I'll be 60 in a few months...(yikes), and the kind of work I did in graphic design/drafting is close to impossible to get back into after not using the software in 6 years...not to mention the younger crowd are more prone to get these jobs...BUT I've always been a person who has always worked, no matter what. So, it will happen eventually. I guess my physical condition of herniated discs, arthritis, constant chronic pain doesn't help with my motivation! But you're all right...I should try to get a check up. No insurance now, but I'll find a way. I guess I'm too overwhelmed, and feeling strange that grief hasn't hit me yet. I think as long as I'm in the house where dad and I lived, I don't feel's like he's at the IPU for a respite, and will be back. I don't know.

Sole, you are still raw from grief; be kind to yourself right now. If you have medical insurance, can you get in for a checkup, just to make sure that your blood work, etc, is okay? Do you have a pastor or someone you can talk to, say once a week, about your grief process? I'm so sorry for your loss. Check back and let us know how it's going.

It's only been less than 3 weeks. You can't possibly expect yourself to move on that quickly. Allow yourself to grieve. Of course others experience this. This is nothing unusual.I am sure you are experiencing depression which I would find normal under the circumstances.You must be exhausted mentally/physically.Take baby steps. I don't know what your job experience is but you could start working on a resume, you obviously have access to a computer. I know when my husband went on disability for a while and I was the only one working I called my creditors and let them know what was going on and that I would send a small amount each month and this seemed to work.Just in taking care of your dad you have gained real life experience that would at least qualify you for a certified nursing assistant, you would just need to take an accredited course, contact the local red cross , and get CPR certification.Good nursing assistants are hard to find, but I don't know if this is something you would want to do.But you do have health care experience from taking care of your dad, don't belittle that experience.Let yourself heal, again it has been less than 3 weeks.It's to soon to start to feel like superwomen.Get some sleep,eat well,contact friends.Contact us and let us know how you are doing. I am very sorry for your loss.

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