So tonight I had to tell mom some of the same things I’d been posting on here (not where she could find them of course). That I was trying my hardest but it didn’t seem enough. That I can’t possibly keep up with the level of “care you need.” I had her walking to the toilet yesterday. Today she wanted the commode. Two hours later, she wanted the bed pan again. I couldn’t believe she was going backward. She obviously could sense my upset and said, “why don’t we ask the in home caregiver to stay all day until 10 at night, then you can come over.”
I said, if you can afford damn near 2000.00 a week, fine.
”Well I know this is upsetting for you.”
I told her it is upsetting. I’m trying my hardest, you were walking with me, now you say the raised toilet seat pinches you so you go back to that stupid commode, then that isn’t right, so “here give me a bedpan.”
”Well I keep changing my mind.”
”I can’t keep up with that either!” I said. She said I was doing a really good job but I told her I was not. I keep forgetting her medication, I have sprained my back lifting commode chairs, tables and walkers, and she continues to be non compliant in practicing walking, toileting, dressing, and bathing. She just wants to lay in bed all day, and, in my view, I think she thinks that will make her better.
You all have been an absolute lifesaver, so thanks again for listening. I injured myself trying to help her this evening, I’m not the springy-est 47 year old chicken anymore. This is hard, and I have no more tears left.