I can't do this anymore...

I can relate to you, I’m 63. My husband 72 years old has been lingering, then dying, then getting better for the last 10 years or more. He could take care of himself off and on until about 2 years ago. The last year he has been bedridden here at home with chronic diarrhea and so many other problems just like many in his family with the same thing, no doctor knows just genetic. He has diarrhea 2 to 9 times a day. This is the absolute worse thing I have ever done and I hate it. I take care of him by myself. He has Home Health. A nurse comes to give him a bed bath 2 days a week, she is here 8-11 minutes. A LPN or RN comes once to twice a week depending on his condition, to check his lungs and oxygen levels. They won’t change his diaper. Most of the time they are here 30-45 minutes is spent talking to me about how he is doing, medication and how worried they are about me. I leave the house to pick up His medication and groceries 2 to 4 times a month. My trips out are as fast as possible so my husband isn’t alone very long. I don’t want to do this anymore but I will have to give up half of our savings if I put him in a nursing home. Half isn’t enough if I need to go into a nursing home some day because we have to use some now every month to live on. The up and down of him about dying then getting better over and over just wears me out. No help from any family, they totally abandoned us or anybody else. No one stays around for 10 years or more. He is DNR and he has a POLST that nothing is to be done to prolong his life. Doctors don’t understand how he is still alive. My once big strong husband is bones with skin on top now just terrible. I feel so very alone and sad today.

Have you tried getting others in your family to care just as much as you do?
I think the hardest part is feeling like you have to do all the heavy lifting yourself and not trying to empower others around you, like your extended family, to mitigate the burden that you feel. Hard part is... how do you get them more connected to your partner? Tech is often confusing for AD-impacted individuals, but I've seen some success with some recent senior-focused solutions that give you a lot of relief:
https://www.luminaryconnect.com/ref?=aging

Oh nolonger ! I think this same thought several times a day ! I know the feeling all to well.My husband was diagnosed w/AD last yr at age 69.I am 64.My future looks dim & we have only just begun this horrible journey ! I am so angry at our situation & I feel so guilty for that ! I joke that a month in a Psych Ward would be a great vacation ! I say out loud,after he does something crazy like taking the old A/C built in the wall with a new one inserted into the window above it & screwing it into the sash.This means we now have a hole in the wall to the outside,& he covered it with a piece of cardboard & packing tape ! Nice molding torn off & we need new siding & matching house paint for the exterior...new sheetrock & spackle & matching color paint for the interior.The bugs fly in because the tape comes loose.plus their are gaps around the unit that should’ve been insulated so we don’t have to throw away our $$ by cooling the outdoors! He wants to buy a new gun for his collection even though I say,” auou don’t need another gun ! “ ! He also wants to buy a big brand new big pickup truck ! I said,” Why ? What are you planning to haul ?” Everyday brings such nonsense such as this that I am only happy when he’s sleeping.We are together 24/7 & we used to be so independent,enjoying our own hobby’s,I’d go on little trips with my girlfriends.I know it will only get worse.The thought is overwhelming.I’ve been a charge nurse on Alzheimer’s Units,but living it is a whole different ball game !
What I’m trying to say is you are not alone in this ! I’m sure other good people on this forum will offer support & they too will validate your emotions.I am alone & have no family support.Do you have anyone to at least get away for a couple of days ? I was in a very dark place 3 wks ago & asked my SIL to please come & stay so that I could go to the local Hampton Inn to swim,relax,eat out to dinner with a friend.It saved me for a few days until I caught him just about to take an ambien or Valium that I keep in my nightstand ! I was so frightened that he took a med that I first gently asked what was he looking for & did he take any pills ??? He said no & I did have the proper amount.Then I started screaming like a possessed banshee...” I can’t do this anymore ! I can’t believe our life has turned into this nightmare !!! “
Well,I’m sorry for rambling on & on.I just want you to know that you are not alone.
Hang in there ! I’m looking into getting a home health aide paid for by Medicare & they would at least allow me 4 hrs everyday for me to do whatever I want ! I hope this llfeline works out for me or I’m seriously contemplating jumping off a nearby bridge.,.I hope you stay here on this forum so we can support each other. (( hugs ))

My husband got sepsis last year and it’s like I living with a different person

Can you look into your husband being placed in a place that cares for people with Alzheimer’s or dementia? There are steps to take to qualify him for Medicaid if money is the issue. When my mother had to be in a nursing home it didn’t take long before we had to have help from Medicaid for her care. My dad’s home and life remained the same after she qualified. When you’re overwhelmed and burned out it’s time to make changes and do something different. You’re no good to yourself or your husband.

Nolonger, what is your husband's illness?

What are your resources?

Help any advice