I asked for my siblings, who live abroad, to help more often, having attended to my mother for decades- as I was reaching burn out. Now they appear more often and overrule, negate and disparage all of my work. They seem determined to get Mum into a care home prematurely- for their own reasons. I wish I hadn't involved them. Has anyone else had a similar experience and advice as to handle ungrateful siblings.
Your siblings live on another continent, with their own jobs, families, and lives, so it's not practical for them to take over the hands-on care you've been doing.
If you've been taking care of your mother for decades, then it is certainly not premature to place her into a home where she can get good quality care by a trained staff and you can reclaim your life and health.
Is the problem that the home you live in is your mother's, and you are concerned about having another place to live if she leaves it for a facility/home? For the decades, have you had your own income and been contributing toward your retirement funds, or have you been an unpaid caregiver to your mother? If so, talk with your siblings about whether they can help you work out a plan. And see a financial advisor.
You may have needed to be in so much control of your mother's life alone for so long that any suggestions your siblings make feel like criticism. Try to open your mind to the ideas that they really are trying to help you dig out from the overwhelm.
I hope you can work this situation out in a way that helps you to recover and move forward in a way that brings light to your life after the years of being responsible for your mother. See her placement as a gift to you, as challenging as it is to experience a major change in life.
You are reaching burnout. You are probably already there. What exactly did you want or expect your siblings, who live thousands of miles away, to do?
They are probably not going to upend their lives to move and become mom's caregiver. That was your choice. You told them you needed help, that you can't do it on your own anymore, and they see a solution; find a nice care home for mom, which is not premature. She needs care and it is more than you can continue to provide. It is more than your siblings can provide. That is what care homes exist for.
They are probably not ungrateful. They simply don't share your choice to become a full time caregiver to mom. They have their reasons. Let them help make arrangements. Or say goodbye to them and continue to be a martyr for the remainder of your mother's life. Don't expect others to jump in and help, when you are already doing it.
I live in another state, as my aunt and cousins, and they were pulling at me trying to get me to assist and stay. Mind you, I have my own life and job.
Their constant needling me only caused resentment. I got to the point where I don't care if I never hear from them again. Their expectations were unrealistic.
If they want to put mom in a care home, that would be best for all. Why even be upset with them? They're trying to give you a break, as well!
You cannot expect adults to give up their lives.
You acknowledge your burnout and deserve a life of your own. Place mommy in the best care facility she can afford and then move on to the pleasant life you have long deserved. Mommy will do just fine and you will too.
If you wish to continue care I doubt they will be helping you in any way. So the choice is yours. I wish you the best of luck.