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Mom is ok, but I feel like such a jerk most of the time because @ times mom drives me insane and I just want to quit. Why do I keep giving her these medications to control hbp & cholesterol levels & gerd & anxiety & arthritis & memory care & lactose intolerance & nutritional supplements & nag @ her to please eat and please drink and let's take this stool softener and this laxative so you won't get backed up...and...and....and.....oh yeah, and the pain pills so she won't feel any pain. But I can give her something to eat and she does not know what it is but will tell me it is good. I will ask her to stop doing something and she will say okay and I'm sorry and then I ask her what did I just ask you and she does not recall. Is there really any sanity to this?? At all??


My entire family has abandoned me, and her. She has next to no income and it was already tied up in debt b4 it hit her bank account, and I am about 4-5 grand in debt taking care of her for the last 3 years 24/7. My health is "not"....I am way past due for surgery and am probably walking around with endometrial cancer due to not being able to make proper provisions for her care while trying to get care for myself. I mean, I know her life is important. I love my mom. I have always, and I mean always taken care of my mom. After my dad died when she was 54, she wanted to turn into a recluse...my hubby & I took in into our home, took care of her, encouraged her, and I helped her gain some self esteem and she actually went out and got a job and started working and became a key member in her church and went on mission trips, even to the olympics. I have devoted my life to my mom, and hubby, & children, and siblings which now have nothing to do with me.


Why, someone please give me some insight on why I am having these feelings that I am just wasting my time these days. I have no life other than taking care of mom. I have other things I need to get done but by the time I am through with her I am physically & mentally exhausted. I thank God for an understanding and helpful husband. I thank God I have one son who has put his life on halt to help take care of my older disabled son so he is not "left out in the cold"....it is like we are all frozen in time....and the rest of the world is going on around us.....and I am the figure in the wind up snowball that just keeps doing the same motion over and over and over and over......I feel like an ant carrying sand granules on my back endlessly never knowing when I will get stepped on....but I know I will get stepped on eventually....and I don't even know how t0 begin dropping off the sand and heading in another direction. no, I am not depressed. I am not sad. I am angry, not at my mom, but @ the situation and circumstances, which I really have zero control over without just being a jerk of a person and dropping her off somewhere and saying I am not doing this any more. And then, how would I live with myself. Does any one else ever feel this way? Is it normal? Is it just a hopeless situation that only death will change the results? I mean, Jesus, while on his way to heal a sick person, stopped and took time out to heal someone else, knowing the first person may die during the wait....but he still took the time....so that shows that taking the time to take care of someone is important......it is necessary.....but seriously, as you diminish, how do you continue the journey? All opinions are welcome.....the only ones I have had are from my sons....and they have a very different perspective on things since they are in the fire with me. Thanks and god bless.

Well thank you Kimber:)
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I wonder if someone else needs to be brought in to help. Do you know anyone who might be a good friend?
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Why do you go on?
How do you go on?

1. Because she's your mother and you love her.
2. Get help! More hands to the pumps! Respite-cum-healthcare break for you needed asap - start making some calls, as per good suggestions above.

And from me to you, forgive yourself for being crabby, impatient, despairing, tired, tearful, unreasonable, livid, and anything else that might crop up during the typical 24 hours. It just means you are a human being and not a robot.
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I totally agree with Pepsee - great advice!!!
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How old is Mom now?
Seems you stepped up early in her life and saved her. You got her to embrace a new and fulfilling quality of life. You absolutely went far beyond the call of duty. AND did it while you had a special needs child at home! Remember, your children and husband have been sacrificing their lives to for Mom too. Now they might have to endure the pain of loosing THEIR Mom and wife. Hmmm
Doesn't sound fair. When do they come first? Or you for that matter?

How much more are you going to throw at them, simply because you don't want to feel guilty?

"Dropping her off somewhere" IS NOT saying.....
"I'm not doing this anymore." It's saying....
"I need help."
It's saying....
"SHE needs more help then I can give right now."

Did you notice, even Jesus went off to pray alone, to recharge HIS batteries!
Did you see to, that HE stopped at homes along the way to, eat, drink, socialize and sleep. He wasn't curing people 24/7.

It sounds like Mom was social and enjoyed people. Maybe she'd enjoy a facility where she can socialize as well as, getting 3 shifts a day of fresh, well rested caregivers.

Maybe her sitting around your house, with only you, your hubby and boys, is kinda sucky for her. Heck, all she's doing there is waiting to die. Really, think about it.

Your Mom has a life time of experiences and knowledge. If she doesn't have dementia, wouldn't she feel good about herself if she could help others. Even just with her faith, praying with people at the facility would be amazing for her! How about her stories about her missions and the Olympics? Wouldn't she love to share those?

OMG, I went on way to long. Just think about what's best for her, not how you'll feel. That's true love and selflessness.💚
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In varying degrees some of us understand

I have done my very best by my mom to my own detriment as well

Your situation is exacerbated by a health problem which you can not ignore

Please call your area council on aging and have a needs assessment done for mom

If not a long term placement then you'll need respite care for her while you recover from any treatment
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Because she is your mother and it doesnt seem as though there are other options. Could she be placed in a facility? That would seem like the only solution. If she has no funds could she not be put on medicaid. Yes it feels hopeless, unfair, undeserving and i ask God how much longer will this go on. I feel depleted. I know i could offer a better life for myself but circumstances wont allow it. You cant leave her on the side of the road. Was she a good mother to you ever? I always wanted a different mother. We are not alike at all. I did alot of raising myself. So the long decline is painful. It robs so many of quality of possible productive lives. My family doesnt want to hear about it from me. I hope you might find a place to place her. I would hope medicaid could help if you start that process. I have times of feeling guilty because i am empathetic generally but as more and more declines with my mother i say to a voice up there how long will this endure. What stage may i be in when the end comes. At times i feel she will outlive me because she is generally free from stress because she has never had a real sense of reality. Having had a stroke at least took away some of her crazy ideas. Just see if she could be placed somewhere somehow. And hang in because you are worthwhile and i hope the sun will shine again for you at some point. It usually does. Its just hard to imagine when.
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