I am sorry to bother you all and sorry for saying this about my MIL...


She's always been a bit difficult but for the past few days, or months, it's been all about "me". Does this make her narcissistic? Her 2nd husband was an alcoholic, and any time he was busted and put in jail, maybe to sober up, she would go on a "spending spree" to equal the cost of what it would take to get him out of jail or make reparations. Not that it matters at this point. Her 1st husband was an alcoholic also and tried to "put an end to her life " in 1968.

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She sounds more like a sad, lost soul who has not had a very happy life.

My MIL DOES live her life as "all about me". She was not abused, but lost her mother when she was 9, and her father remarried a woman who was a kind of mean--but they were married only a few months. Much later in his life her father married a woman younger than her--but she herself was married by that point. She had a terrible marriage (teenage shotgun wedding) and was mean as a snake to her hubby and to my DH and his older brother. She's not narcissistic, she's a brat. She doesn't seek attention or have control issues, she simply lives in a tiny bubble with about 10 people she can stand. Our family doesn't make the cut.

In any regard, we don't really speak to her, she doesn't speak to us. You can't force someone to take responsibility for their behavior, whether they be 8 or 88.

What's your ?? Does it really matter if you "know" what she is? She's not likely to change.

I think its the desease. They become like small children who tend to be self centered.

“Lose all sense of self value,” yes. Classic, healthy self-esteem is damaged.

At the same time, survivors of abuse commonly manifest some sort of self-obsession.

Such as:
Control freak.
Lack of boundaries.
Overly (fake) confident. 
Unable to trust. 
Chronically seeks rescue.
Never happy. 

These are all traits that can be worked on. But only if the person wants to and chooses to.

In my opinion there are some folks that are just effected by their illness and need the attention of others to make them feel secure . There are others that were all about themselves before the illness ..so it carrys over . In your case. based on the little youve written. Well she came to you with a lot of issues and some of those are probably going to show up. But i dont believe abused women are usually narcissistic.. they loose all sense of self value infact. But shes still going to have a bundle of issues

Lost, does not be sorry, we are here to help. Narcissitic? Maybe but it seems you would have noticed or thought about this before. There are some excellent websites about solely narcissism "daughters of narcissistic mothers" comes to mind.