That is the last thing I want to hear. also people at work ask how my husband is i tell them very weak and depressed. they say very hateful. well he isnt going to get well overnight. that is like telling someone who is walking through the desert and is thirsty and tired and worn out that you are not going to get out of the desert overnight it will take a long time. they offer no help. no water no nothing. i would rather they just keep their mouth shut. i am so tired of the comments. i dont know if my husband will ever get back to normal and be well. i do know i love him with all my heart. i know there is nothing i would not do for him. he is my heart and i love him so much. i am just tired.
In addition to the truth - our agreement is that she can vent to me safely & i'll just listen. (in other words I won't offer ideas unless that is what she wants). Sometimes she just needs to vent, me listen, understand, we usually end up making bad jokes, and laughing. She says that helps.
Also - finally - I tell her what time I have and she tells me where she needs the most help. the one weekend a month is a God-send to her. But I also stop at Walmart on my way up to pick up things they need, that she can no longer get out regularly to pick up. (she has a caregiver two afternoons a month and we agree that she needs to do fun things - like lunch with friends, bowling, etc). I also do online/free shipping shopping for her. I help with websites for Medicare, their insurance plans, etc - since she doesn't feel comfortable on line.
The point I'm trying to make - is that if we ask a caregiver how it is going - we should encourage them to be honest, and just SHUT UP AND LISTEN and empathize. Sometimes a release helps. Then pay attention over time - how are they doing - if they look exhausted, buy them a coffee and listen. If they are struggling at work - help occasionally with workload.
I think LISTENING with empathy is a key.
It doesn't sound like you have much of a support system. Maybe you have already tried what I have to suggest, but here goes.
Ask your doctor or hospital to put you in touch with a social worker. If any of your charges has disability, pester their social worker for help. Even if your wife is not a senior yet, contact your local senior center and "area agency on aging" and request an evaluation of her needs. I see you live in South Bend, and I would hope that a college town would have some good resources. Have you talked to anyone at the Alzheimer's association? They have a lot of help and advice to offer.
I hate it when I ask for help, and instead, am given more work to do! But any energy you can invest in getting more help will pay off. This is a stereotype, but as a man, do you believe you're supposed to handle it all without help? Fight that attitude. You need to take care of yourself (by getting help) before you can care for others.
To get better responses, ask your own question. Tell us more specifics about your family. Tell us which parts drive you the craziest. Best wishes to you.
Like, what is that???!! I'm agnostic, but that phrase makes me want to hit someone upside the head. Argh.
You are understandably overwhelmed, but that does not mean you are being punished.
You've been presented with a complex challenge, so treat it like a project to manage. The factors are time, personnel, finance and facilities to set against the needs of your loved ones and your priorities. You can't do it all. So what has to come first, who can help you, who's paying and what are the logistics involved? Try mind-mapping, imaginatively, to see what additional support would make life less impossible; then reach out to ask for help.
i will just add to that
my mom is physically disablied and because of the years caring for a parent with alz
i think it affected her even though the dr say she is fin she repeats herself daily and forgets she said that 5 min ago
anyway she hates people telling us if you need anything let us know
if there is anything we can do let us know
god will not give you more than you can handle
god is building strength
you will be astronger person for this
moma is 70 i am 49 in a couple of weeks
hello we wish people would be honest with themselves
at one point in 2007 i had my mom , my grandmother with alz and my husband who had becom disabled and died a year later all at the same time.
i sur could have used some place like this to vent from time to time but that wasnt the worse
i think it is worse now just me and moma
And you are a saint in God's eyes!!
Feels good to be appreciated, does it not?!
Hugs to you!
Keep in touch
Yes, a Ky state park - we went there for Thanksgiving 2008 and it was THE BEST Thanksgiving ever... new traditions with just our family! It was an emotional experience for me! My mom loved rainbows, you see - and always told me to look for God's promises. When I was at college, she would call me whenever she saw a rainbow. When I was married and outta the house and she saw a rainbow... It was no coincidence that the night before she died there was a DOUBLE RAINBOW in the sky.. Revelation talks about rainbows circling the throne of God... awesome!!! At the Falls, we saw several rainbows that day!
As for the mess, yep, a learning experience! One we don't want to leave behind for our kids, fellow caregivers! Keep that in mind! I don't know about you, but I tend to see a pattern... my parents taking care of their parents and now we are taking care of our parents... what about our family and our kids?
I am writing a novel today, aren't I? Just needed to vent, I guess... and reminisce as well.
I have to get started on some of his paperwork, including paying his nursing home bill..grrr! That always brings me down... private pay.. the $ are dwindling, my friends, but then again, he worked hard for it all of these years so he deserves to be taken care of !
I think we suffer from it more than they do.
AlzCaregiver, I never met anyone who embraced caregiving quite like you, and admire you for it. Love your blogs. They are very interesting to read. I endorse them highly, as well as her pictures, visiting characters, visits to fountains, the cafe and hairdressers, and the squirrel and flower videos, as well as the ballet. and Valentine's Day. Hope I didn't give all the juicy stuff away; they are so cool!
Gigglbox, love your new Avatar. Great falls. Hope all's well with you. ~In fact, with all of you!