She knows how to get to me. She finally agreed to go to rehabilitation therapy after I told her that I cannot live down here an hour and a half away for 6-8 weeks and take her to the hospital twice a day for physical therapy and changing her foot wound.  She had her big toe and part of her foot amputated while I was in another country. I drive down and I try to visit with her and all she does is sleep but when anyone else is there she is wide awake. It’s like she becomes an invalid as soon as I get here and she is a complete control freak with money. I have caught her in so many lies and I am trying to get her bills paid and I set up a payment plan for her. $800 in collections,who knows if she will even pay it. Then I try to ask her about bills and she just keeps lying to me even though I have already talked to these people. These bills have to be paid while she is there and she doesn’t make sense when I am there and I am like mom your sleeping. No I Am Not. I am just so afraid that if something happens to her what is out there. I don’t even know why I am down here. I have my own health issues. I am trying to recover from anorexia that I have been dealing with since I was 10 and all she talks about is how fat that person got. She took me to weight watchers when I was 10. I don’t mean to sound like I hate her yes I am really upset right now. I cannot blame her for my actions but when I come down here it’s like I am back in high school. How do you all deal with it? I also am the go to person for my father in law who has brain damage and then I thought my doggie was going to die yesterday. I was really hoping this year things would slow down, then I feel guilty if I don’t do everything, but I have to step back. I know it’s up to me to take care of myself. I don’t know why her generation expects their kids to stop living their life. What would happen if I was working? I also have part of my pancreas cut off.

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Dear Staffbull,

I am sorry to hear about everything you are going through. I know you want to help your mom and you are doing the best you can.

Given your own health issues maybe consider talking to a social worker and see what options are available. I know us women want to keep doing what is right even when we feel resentful and angry. But its better to look at other options now.

Thinking of you.

Why are you down there when you have your own health issues?

Your profile says Mother has dementia. If that is true, then she is probably not "lying" about her finances. She is telling her version of what she wishes the truth were. People with dementia do lots of irritating and irrational things. Their brains are broken.

Do you have POA and Healthcare Proxy for mother? If not, who does?

Who else is involved in your mother's care?

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