I am so depressed and irritable I could cry.

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This is about me, needing care, and the stark realization anything more serious and I will definitely need to hire someone. Its day 10 into my broken ankle disability. I'm 68, have a bad back and suffering vertigo on top of it. I'm not strong and dragging myself from the chair to the wheelie, pumping it around with my good leg, leaning on my hands and shoulders, I'm exhausted just going to the bathroom. I can't spend much time in that position before I have to sit down and elevate my leg. I simply don't feel well, and the more I try to move around, the worse my ankle hurts. And I have to go through 6 weeks of this? I will never survive. My spouse brings me coffee, takes the dogs out (if he's in the room, otherwise I do it, hopping on one foot, hanging out the door with the flexi leash, etc. He makes meals (sort of) but he is getting grouchier and grouchier. He doesn't anticipate what I want or need, I have to tell him, and he can't multi-task at all and he is slow to do anything. I have reached the point I want to cry out of frustration. I'm trying to do too much and he is letting me, no sympathy at all. I am so irritable I could scream. If I say anything, I get snapped at. Worst of all, I now know if I had anything more serious I could not count on him for more than cursory care with little compassion and a lot of silent irritation on my part. God forbid I get dementia or am bedridden. He's a wonderful man otherwise, will do anything for me, but he is 8 years older, and he cannot be a caregiver. What am I going to do?

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Hi freqflyer: I'm doing great now. I got the boot off about 4 weeks ago and was able to walk on it right away. It felt so wonderful, but even though the bone healed, no pain there - all the pain if I walk too much is in the top of my foot, ligaments and tendons - but I can live with it. I didn't need PT and could start driving too! Do you know, I never appreciated until now the ability to stand up and walk to the bathroom without help. Or to stand in the shower, etc. Its so good to be mobile!
I hope you are doing better. I imagine it is hard to sleep without rolling over on the shoulder. My neighbor broke hers and it took months to heal. Do you have a cast, and have to go to PT. This is a real eye opener isn't it? You never dream that having one limb out of commission impacts your whole body, how you move, sleep, every day things.
Now that I look back my hubby took care of me pretty well. It took me a while to realize that what was instinctive to me, wasn't to him. Also women can multitask. Most men don't seem to be able to do that, so they accomplish less. I never realized how much we women do at the same time. I bet you discovered it too. The other day I was cooking dinner, putting the dishes away out of the dishwasher, preparing the two dogs food, and running up and down the basement stairs, doing laundry! For me, that is normal to have 3-4 tasks going. Most men can't conceive of doing that - they do one thing at a time, start to finish before starting on the next task! It takes them longer!
You better believe I am careful where I put my feet, not taking any chances walking on rough ground, stepping over things, or standing on chairs!

I have a really bad back, arthritis, degenerative disk and it is not operable (made the ankle issue worse as I was already limited in motion). I see a chiropractor once in a while. He described pain so well I never forgot it: He said "pain is like a hole inside of you where all your energy drains out". So true!
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AmyGrace, how are you doing now with your ankle? Did you need rehab? Are you back to driving? Hope things are improving for your mobility.

I know for me it has been 9 weeks with my broken shoulder, and the doctor said the pain will make you exhausted.... and grumpy, snarly, Mount St. Helen's!!! I still can't drive.

My sig other is helping out a bit more, after a month of teaching him how to do some housework, and re-teaching every other day, he finally is doing some stuff without being ask.
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Sarah I hope you can get help for him before things get worse. I often wonder, why, after a long life, when things slow down and we should be making the most of it, we have more problems than when we are young and we are less able to deal with them. Maybe your hubby is the one who needs the antidepressants. I can't remember when my mother was happy or the last time she smiled. She has always seen the glass as half empty, and she seems to enjoy having something to worry or complain about. I thought the Zoloft was helping her but she delivered another ration of obsessions at me yesterday so I guess she dug deep to resurrect them. I shouldn't be so cynical but listening to her groan and complain for 20 years is getting really old.
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Amygrace i do not like myself with all these chronic ailments . I try to make light of it. I was always a fun person whereas my husband. He sounds like your husband's background. I know he would have done anything for me also but he is not the same man. He never was a happy person. I feel bad for him really but when he is so abusive i am at my wits end. I feel trapped but i am really trying to get help for him. I know when your body feels better your mood will change. It is starting already for you. Thank you for responding.
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Thanks for the words of encouragement Sarah. Actually, I'm much much better now. Its been six weeks, and I can now hobble around a little with a support boot and can do more for myself. I think most of my misery was simply frustration and physical exhaustion and expecting to still get everything done. Plus, having a five month old puppy who needs a lot of attention frayed my nerves because I couldn't get up and around. My husband did quite well after a while. He just had to learn what I needed, and I needed to tell him. I'm so sorry you are going through such tough times. My husband is about the same age as yours. I think when he was growing up his parents gave him very little nurturing so he never learned it. He will do anything for me, he is just not expressive or openly sympathetic. I understand how you feel as I have a lot of things wrong with me, and I guess down deep he is as tired of my health issues as I am. Maybe yours is the same?
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Hi Amy, I am new to this but I find its helpful. You sound depressed and with every right to be. You cannot depend on men, they are just not made like women being the nurturers. My husband just tells me not to clean. That makes a lot of sense. But I wrote about my problems with him. I hardly ever asked him to help me when I was sick, (and I have chronic illnesses) he never knew what I had. I tried to be independent all my life but now since I have gotten older with all these things it is hard to keep going. I take antidepressants and cannot say they help too much. I have cried myself to sleep because of pain but never even bothered my husband, he wouldn't be any help. With all these things wrong with me I always kept going so he thinks I am always okay. When he gets sick watch out. He is 77 and for his life he had pretty good health. I wrote already about him, but I am trying to express how I feel. Everything cannot be as we want unfortunately. I guess we just have to get thru this life as much as we can. I find music soothes me the most. I would try and get help for the housework, which I am considering for myself. I guess you can say I am also in your shoes. Take good care of yourself. Sarah0370
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Amy, just want to say that you should give mom's doc feedback about the return of her obsessiveness. It may be time to up the dose.
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freqflyer, I'm not sure I felt spacy that first week, but I did feel exhausted. Everything required me lifting myself up and balancing on the other leg, hopping etc. and by the end of the day unable to find the strength to get out of the chair. I would climb the stairs to bed on my hands and knees and lie on the floor at the top until I caught my breath and got the strength to pull myself up to the walker and put my leg on it. All that physical effort made me dizzy and my head throb.
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AmyGrace, oh my gosh I couldn't imagine trying to wear a support boot to walk... bet your back is crying for relief. Lack of sleep is my big thing... funny I can doze off during the day but night time I am watching TV up until 4 in the morning.... can't find a comfortable sleeping position... bet you ran into that, too.

During your first week with your ankle, did you run into an issue of when talking that you would start a sentence but your brain wouldn't let you finish it?.... my week has been filled with half sentences :P

I did take your advise of asking my sig other to help with this or that, instead of hoping he would notice and do on his own. I just don't want to sound like a nag and I am trying to keep my OCD at bay when it comes to the condition of the house, esp the kitchen !!
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My mother used to use the "guilt" thing until her dementia got bad. Now she uses other things. I just talked to her on the phone - wish I hadn't. I thought the Zoloft had helped the obsessions but, NOPE, she's back on it "I lost all my money" "all my furniture is gone, where is my dining room set and my sofa" "when am I going to get it back". Tomorrow I will hear it again, answer it again and again. She doesn't ask when I'm coming, doesn't really care, thank goodness. She is just so happy being unhappy and thinking up things to be even more unhappy about. That's her personality. We've been dealing with this for the past 20 years. I can't help wondering how much longer this will go on with her torturing herself with complaints about her miserable unhappy life and not feeling good. I'm glad I have another couple of weeks when I can't drive!
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