He does not do what his doctors (he has many) tell him. Then he gets sick and I must care for him. I take him to all appointments, take care of his meds and treatment schedules but he does not follow his regimen and I resent him and am very often angry and at odds with him. Our son says to let he do what he wants as he is a grown man. But, then I have to take care of him so why shouldn't I try to encourage him to stick with his regimen.This is a second marriage and we married late in life. My own father told me not to marry him. Not because he didi not like him, he liked him enormously, but because he said old men only wanted a nurse with a purse and I would most likely find myself in the position I am in now. I don't want to feel like this. Deep down I love him and want him to get and stay as healthy as he can. Anyone have any words of wisdom?
As I see it, you are faced with the decision to either leave or stay. It is that simple. If you decide to leave find a good lawyer.
Good luck!
You don't say what his health issues mainly are, or how old he is, but is it possible he's not doing what he should because of cognitive decline? Memory impairment? It starts very covertly and then one day you wake up and can see it undeniably.
Maybe at his next appointment take him to get a cognitive/memory test. You may be surprised.
In my situation, there came a time when I realized that I was pressuring my dad to go to every appointment--pcp, neurologist, urologist, dentist, etc.
His life was becoming one checkup after another. But he was 90 with dementia. Nothing was really going to reverse his situation and give him back the life he once had. Even though I was hopeful that trying a new medication would bring him some relief from whatever he was experiencing, I had to stop.
Perhaps, in a way, that is what your husband is thinking? It's hard to say. But it might give you some relief...to let him make the choice of whether to go, or whether to take his meds.
I decided to give my dad what he wanted, and that was to stop going to any drs appointment. No new doctors. No follow up appointments. No more new prescriptions to try, that would ultimately give him side effects but no solutions.
He was given Seroquel and as needed anti-anxiety, and that gave him peace.
Sadly, this is what it is.
We sign on for better or worse, and there are times it is for worse.
You can but give advice ONCE. The rest becomes a struggle in which the more often YOU nag, the LESS he does. I think a few sessions with a therapist will help with what basically comes down to the few words that we can all practice in the Serenity Prayer. This atheist, in my 80s, pretty much mutter it daily.
Want to wish you the best of luck. Be sure you get some down time. Be sure you are good to yourself.
If a guy marries his girlfriend later in life and she gets sick, the guy will most likely run away never ever to be seen again!
I have witnessed this story time and time again. Occasionally there are exceptions.
That is a quote from my Mom after Dad had pushed her buttons one time too many. She was so mad at him her face was bright red and I thought she was going to have a stroke. What brought this on, my Dad had been retired on SSD for 25 yrs from age of 52 from a bad heart. He could do for himself but Mom spoiled him waiting on him hand and foot. They were in their mid to late 70s. He asked for her to do something and it just hit her wrong and she asked "and when am I going to be able to retire." His response "never". And...she blew up.
We do become too old to care for someone else. Maybe threaten that if he doesn't do what the doctors say, you are placing him into Longterm care because you should not have to care for him when he will not do what he is told to do. Or, pay someone to care for him. If he complains about the cost, then tell him to do what the doctors say. Have a talk with his PCP. Tell him its rediculous to be taking husband to appts, when he doesn't follow doctors orders. Maybe your PCP will talk to husband.
When love is not enough and you're being treated with such disrespectful actions as you are, it's time to consult a divorce attorney imo.
Best of luck to you.
Don't listen to what everyone here is telling you about marrying late in life. I remarried my second husband at 51 and he was 54. Best thing I ever did. When you get married to someone it's not because you want to have kids like so many people say. I didn't have kids with either of my husbands (though I adopted my current husband's son when he was a little kid), but I'd go to the ends of the earth for either of them. That's love and it's not something only available to the young. I commend you for being respectable and actually getting married as opposed to just shacking-up. You got married and having someone's back does not mean you become their mother and they become a child.
Respect your husband's wishes if he will not comply with medical advice and refuses to be pro-active in his own health and helath decisions. Don't put out his fires for him anymore though. Don't take responsibility for him anymore. He's a grown man and you are his wife, NOT a nurse with a purse.