I am going to open myself up to some ill will here, I don't care.

Sego, I think that folks here are well aware of what happens when you walk away and allow someone else to take guardianship. I've never read a poster here who took that step lightly.

One more point: many folks come here while trying to get help caring for their mentally ill, destructive parents while trying to raise their own children. A parent's FIRST duty is to their minor child and to their spouse. Elderly parents are a distant third.

Parents have had a lifetime to prepare, financially and otherwise for their old age. Their lack of planning is NOT my emergency. I was fortunate enough to be blessed with parents who planned and have done so myself.

I think you need to get your thoughts in order before you post.

Thank you barb Brooklyn, you summed it up perfectly!!

Segoline, I am new on here. My mother does not have dementia. She is of sound mind. She is 95 years old and has been treating me like sh*t ever since she couldn’t drive anymore which was 3 years ago. She does have undiagnosed bipolar which she has had all her life. But she is very competent and can cook, take medication, take call a bus to go grocery shopping but refuses to bathe or wash her hair. She is a hoarder and won’t let me clean the house or bathe her. The last time she let me give her a sponge bath and wash her hair was in May. When I try to gently talk her into bathing she starts screaming at me , calls me a nag, and says she’s going to call the police if I don’t get out of her house!!!! Believe me, I started limiting my time with her!!! I don’t take her out for dinner on Saturdays anymore. I feel like sh*t every time I leave her. Last month she was in the hospital for 4 days with pneumonia. The first night I stayed with her from 8pm till 4:30am. When I told her I was going to go home to get some sleep and would be back in a few hours she screamed and snarled at me EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT YOU!!! YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE!!!!!!!! That is what she said to me. I turned around and walked out. I almost walked over to CPEP which is part of the hospital for people who want to hurt themselves or others. For a split second, I wanted to hurt myself. Not anymore!!! I limit my time with her!!! No regrets!!!!!!!!

I work for a very large Law firm. Frequently, quite frequently, we are in opposition to the pop up guardianship shops which seem to be happening everywhere. They exist to take care of many, for reasons I have already described. I won't go into again since seems to be a touch point. Some if these are ok.not many. They rely on kids for one reason or another, can't wont step in for parents. Sure they will handle the care, the placement as guardian, operative word. Now once the money runs out, they can and do resign, handing the responsibility back to you, figurative you. You are right back where you started. Not all are like. But hey, they see a market.

And during this time, since you have assigned guardianship, you have no say and no see,because they are in charge of everything.

If you are thinking about this, please research. Go to your state court web site and check what have they been sued for?

Yes, I could have phrased my original vent better. But we are are seeing more if this and is very sad.

Segoline - I'm surprised at you.

Carers are being abused by their care recipients in some situations. It's a fact. Some times the abuse is extreme and chronic. That's why they come here for support. Seems like you can't seem to understand that right now, and you blaming victims of abuse is something I'm sure you really don't intend to do. Think before you speak. Likes and instagram has nothing to do with this topic. You are ranting! Anger is a part of grief so maybe this is what is going on for you - in fact I'm sure this has everything to do with YOU. You are lashing out! Go and get some counselling rather than spreading toxic crap all over everyone and those who are suffering and need support. PEACE be with you!

I think what I find difficult is many saying parent is a narcissist. Early and moderate stages of dementia mimic that and mental illness as well. I do not for a minute ignore the support I received here. And I am thankful for it.

In nationwide conversations, there seems to be a huge trend towards how can I get out of this responsibility. If that's not you, then ignore it.some parents are jerks yes. Are they mentally ill? Are they narcissists? Are you sure? It is disease or your perception? We are reaching a tipping point is society where the numbers overwhelm the care options. And it is something to consider. If you, generally you, can do it, arrange it.

There are many posts here anymore which main point is how to get out of. And not just here. In several forums. And in several conversations. Medicaid expansion in many states these days goes more to support for home care. My concern is this will lead to a big rush to reinforce filial responsibility laws. And I can see that happening. There is a legislative exchange Council for states which tries to every year. And they are getting more support annually. Be careful what you wish for.

Seems to me, Segoline - that when you were posting here with your struggles caring for your mother - and later dealing with the initial grief after her passing - you received a ton of support and sympathy from the good folks here on AC.

Clearly, you are misdirecting the sadness and anger you feel with your own situation - towards the very people who were here for you. That’s sad.

Perhaps seeking out a professional therapist - one who specializes in grief, would help you more than lashing out here.

Each has their own circumstances and if you read the stories - they ARE taking care of their parents, not dumping them. It is the taking care of their very needy, crushingly needy parents that are killing them. Where is your sympathy? If they dumped their parents and walzed off with no more worries to the spa and vacations - they wouldn't need to post to let off pressure. Go away.

I don’t understand why you keep coming back here with venom segoline? We all understand you are grieving but is necessary to target others like this?

Seems to me you posted this ridiculous nasty post just to see the reactions you’ll get. Kind of think you’re the one with anger issues.

We had a similar thread once that asked why there were so many hateful and negative comments on the forum, I believe it is simply that those people in loving relationships with lots of support and financial resources are much less apt to be posting here, they don't need a forum like this. People feel free to post stuff on the internet they would never, ever admit to feeling or doing in real life, so even if they are in fact managing caregiving with grace we get to hear all about their inner demons.
And as Barb points out - sometimes caregiving just goes on and on and can consume our lives far longer than we ever dreamed possible. (I have to admit to feeling a twinge of jealously when people come on all atwitter about a crisis and then their care recipient dies within months or a couple of years, too many of us are caring far too long for people who just live on and on)

WoW! So bitter, appears that caretaking has had an effect on you, and, not a positive one.

Sego, the folks on this message board who NEED to walk away are those with mentally I'll parents. Parents who CAN'T be helped by ordinary children. They need profession intervention. The parents are skilled manipulators of their children. The children end up broke and injured and the parents dont get the care that they need and deserve.

If I recall correctly, you had a difficult situation, but your mother "merely" had dementia and you were able to get her into a professional care situation without her destroying your life.

Had you spent 10 years caring for her at her home, spent all of your retirement savings on her care (or never been allowed to have a proper job, or a marriage or family) I think you might understand the desire to walk away better.

Glad you are well.

Such venom - why? Everyone has their own battles.