Savannah, you are normal. You will have emotions you aren't proud of as well as your finer moments. Emotions are just that. It's what you do that counts. Keep in touch with people who've "been there" and you will find that we have all had many emotions. Indeed, it's a never ending roller coaster. We'd all love to have felt only compassion and kindness every moment of our caregiving, but it's impossible as we are human. You are a good caregiver. Keep reaching out for help. Carol
Dear Savannah, I can relate to having a wide range of emotions. Assuming the role of Caregiver for my parents and FIL has been a roller coaster of new experiences and feelings. There have been major life changes involved, as we've had to move our loved ones from their homes, into an Assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home, and Senior Apartment. Denial of actual need began the process, trying to convince our loved ones and siblings of our parent's failing abilities. All the natural feelings of shock, frustration, anger, hope, discouragement, sadness or relief circulate and cycle through, depending on where we are at in the process. While we try to keep a positive outlook, illness and hospitalization sometimes add stress. The learning curve is great at times, and sometimes when we don't know what to do or expect, we can feel confused or isolated. I try not to dwell too much on feelings, especially the negative ones, because they come and go, always subject to change. This site, and talking things out with people here has been a Godsend. Hoping you find that true for you, as well, and that you also find joy in the journey. Bless you! Take care!
Carol