I selected "burnout" as the topic because I'm not sure what else to select... it seemed appropriate, since my fuse is at an all-time low!
My widowed father-in-law, 80 years old, above-average in health, and living independently with no diagnosed mental issues except being a tightwad, has been on a list for senior housing for over a year and just got a phone call that he can move in on December 1. Yay! Right? Not so much for us!
FIL is all excited and babbling to anyone who will listen the following:
* He's moving on December 1
* He's not telling his current landlord that he's moving until right before he moves
* He thinks the VFW will pay the lion's share of his security deposit
* His son and grandsons are going to move him
* He's going to "help out a little" with the cost of the U-Haul that WE are going to rent
* He has a lease. Husband and I have asked him repeatedly how he is paying his December rent at the old place. FIL is not a stupid man, so I can only imagine that he's pretending he either doesn't hear, or doesn't understand the question. He ignores it consistently and says he's moving out December 1. I am certain that his lease requires, at the very least, 30 days notice and probably runs several months longer than that. Leases don't end on the first of the month. You don't get to pay "just one day" (and I doubt he intends to do that, even).
* Even if his landlord would be willing to let him out of his lease, he's blatantly not giving them the courtesy of a 30-day notice. And they'll need it--his apartment is disgusting.
* He is not poor or needy! He has a pension and veterans benefits. He buys guns all the time and always has the latest iPhone and Mac products. He thinks the VFW is just going to GIVE him $1000 for his security deposit. Even if they are willing to do that, it's a really crappy thing for him to ask. There are veterans who actually NEED that money.
* He didn't ASK if his son and adult grandsons will move him, he just assumes they will. OK, that's fine. I would assume the same of them for myself, but I'd still make the pretense of asking. So that is just an annoyance, I guess. I am not physically capable of helping with the move, so it's going to fall to my husband and one of my sons, who is a new father and has better things to do with his time. I seriously doubt the other son will lift a finger to help--he refused to help us move a year ago, and then later ended up living in my basement like a freeloading troll (that's a whole 'nother issue!). FIL never does anything for us except drop in from time to time to show us the latest iWatch or whatever that he purchased and complain about his neighbors parking in "his" (unassigned) parking spot. He has always promised gifts to the kids, usually a ridiculously small sum of cash (like $5 for an 18-year-old's birthday), and never followed through. They don't particularly like him.
* My husband has been unemployed for five months and we can't pay our mortgage or health insurance anymore! I am NOT going to pay for a freaking U-Haul! Where does he get off thinking we're made of money? He's been trying to move in with us for years, saying he'll contribute $200 a month to "help out." Uh, excuse you, mister? You currently pay $1100 a month rent plus utilities, and you think you'll just move into my home, eat my food, use my electricity, demand that I reconnect the cable, and leave your stinky unwashed clothing all over the place, for $200 a month that you probably wouldn't even give me??? I can't hire a maid for that much, and I am NOT your maid, sir! I've been putting him off on moving in with us. At first I told him that the basement in our old house wasn't safe for him (the day his wife passed, he announced he was moving into our basement). And most recently before he applied for senior housing, I said, "You can't move in with us. I love you and I want to keep it that way."
OK, yeah... reading back through this, burnout is the right category. I don't know what to do with this guy. We are the only family he has. FIL and deceased MIL were only children, and they had only two children. Sister-in-law is very severely mentally disabled and in an adult foster home. FIL has no financial responsibility for her care and likely hasn't seen her in months.
I don't want to abandon him, or get into a fight with him... but seriously? He thinks he's going to walk away from a lease, not have to pay for his own security deposit (and probably thinks he's going to get one back from the current apartment!), and that his unemployed son who has a family of his own to care for (we still have a semi-disabled minor child at home in addition to the troll in the basement) is going to pay for a U-Haul???
I don't know if I need help, advice, or just a shoulder to cry on... Any of those would be much appreciated. :(