Please see a social worker or attorney familiar with Medicaid for your mom - there should be a way to have her placed in a nursing home with Medicaid paying for it.
Thank you for the advice on Medicaid. I appreciate it. I think even on his own, Hubby would not qualify for Medicaid based on his income. What I would be left as the Community Spouse plus my income would not be enough to pay our bills, either. What we really, truly need help with, to be honest, are his incontinence supplies. Diapers and pads are so expensive! When it becomes necessary I think we will be seeking out an Elder Law Attorney. Thanks again!
My Dad isn't the same person anymore either. Pretty sure he just sees us as the help, and more or less checked out. I love and miss the man he was, I am numb to the creature he has become.
Emely57, I feel your pain. Literally. Grandma just won't shut up. Somehow she manages to babble on, mainly describing in great detail every perceived wrong that anyone has ever done her from childhood on up. During the day it's tolerable. At night, I'm in the room right next to hers and she's quite loud. The lack of sleep is killing me. Literally.
Ahmijoy, you really need to talk to a medicaid lawyer. Medicaid for couples is vastly different from medicaid for singles. If one spouse will not be on medicaid, the limits are different since the non-medicaid spouse needs money to live on. In my experience, social workers don't know these things. I have never heard a social worker bring up a miller trust for example. I've talked to many and have overheard many during many frequent trips to the hospital for my relatives.
Yes, Webbsue: We have the same problem with our 86 year old mother who suffers from schizophrenia. We do not have the financial means to send her to a care facility, and we must put up with her psychotic behavior, babbles and rants. We are just enduring this with no hope in sight.
I am caregiver for my bedridden husband. I understand how you feel. I would not go so far as to say I have no love for him, but I am tired and weary and sore from shifting around his 300+ pound bulk to wash and change him every day.
We have to do something, don’t we? We don’t qualify for Medicaid either. We can’t pay our bills but make too much for much help. So what do we do? Well, if you have your own health insurance, it will probably pay for therapy. Go. Also, see if her health insurance will pay for home health care a certain number of times a week. We had a bath aid last year and it helped a bit. At least he knew what to do and how to do it when I mostly didn’t. Get on the Internet and research people in your situation and see if there’s help out there. If you’re affiliated with a church, many have volunteer groups who will come out and sit with your loved one so you could at least escape for an hour or so.
Also, some posters on this site have mentioned a “Miller Trust” where you can put extra funds in an account so she will qualify for Medicaid. We can’t do this because we need every cent to pay our bills. Then you may be able to check out facilities for her. You’d need the guidance of an Elder Law Attorney for this.
Above all, remember that you dont have to be Superwoman. This caregiving thing is extremely difficult. We give up our lives, our hobbies and interests and a lot of times our personal happiness to do this. And there isn’t much reward if any. Take it one day at a time. Some days are easier and some days you scream into your pillow at night in frustration and anger.
Please try to find help for yourself. And be good to yourself. It’s ok not to be perfect. Really.
We have to do something, don’t we? We don’t qualify for Medicaid either. We can’t pay our bills but make too much for much help. So what do we do? Well, if you have your own health insurance, it will probably pay for therapy. Go. Also, see if her health insurance will pay for home health care a certain number of times a week. We had a bath aid last year and it helped a bit. At least he knew what to do and how to do it when I mostly didn’t. Get on the Internet and research people in your situation and see if there’s help out there. If you’re affiliated with a church, many have volunteer groups who will come out and sit with your loved one so you could at least escape for an hour or so.
Also, some posters on this site have mentioned a “Miller Trust” where you can put extra funds in an account so she will qualify for Medicaid. We can’t do this because we need every cent to pay our bills. Then you may be able to check out facilities for her. You’d need the guidance of an Elder Law Attorney for this.
Above all, remember that you dont have to be Superwoman. This caregiving thing is extremely difficult. We give up our lives, our hobbies and interests and a lot of times our personal happiness to do this. And there isn’t much reward if any. Take it one day at a time. Some days are easier and some days you scream into your pillow at night in frustration and anger.
Please try to find help for yourself. And be good to yourself. It’s ok not to be perfect. Really.