I am a long distance POA for my 89-year-old Mom. My brother called and suspects our other brother of emotional abuse toward our Mom


Our Mom has been acting strange and very quiet. I am in the midst of a family problem, selfish siblings really, as I dismantle our Mom's home and sell it to my brother A. Mom's in a nursing home and won't be returning to her own home and has been in favor of the sale. Brother B and sister have taken their share of things and then some and still complain that they haven't gotten their share. Brother A is paying over fair market value for the home and only had the opportunity to purchase after all other siblings said no to purchasing it. Now, a selfishness has developed into anger overnight toward me and brother A. Brother A suspects brother B and sister of complaining to our mother who suffers from Dementia. Brother B is a grump who is basically angry at the world and barks at anyone around him. He has gotten so nasty that I can't stand the stress of even talking to him myself. Brother A is concerned that our Mom is being subjected to the same. What to do? It could be the nature of Dementia changing her behavior, or maybe during visits they are giving her an earful that has her upset. How should I handle this. I go back to our hometown every other week and will spend 4 days there this weekend, so I will see what I think, but what can I do? Any advice would be helpful.

By the way, Brother B is in denial of his treatment of others and previous talks have been a waste of my time with him.

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I agree she needs love and peace.

I would also like to add that you have the same family dynamics that 'we' had in our journey with Mom. The 'house' card was played differently though with (my) brother "B" getting the house and brother "A" wanting to know WHY! Sister was remote, but when she decided to come to 'get Mom's things' it was after Mom had passed, and although she went through 70+ boxes of personal items, I have YET to hear was was or wasn't in any of the boxes.

"Me" I have stayed out of the fray of possessions, since my memories of my mother are MY most precious possessions.

As far as what to do, make sure that PEACE is available to your mother in the nursing home, stressing that to brother B and sister too. God Bless you.

I would first talk to the social worker in the nursing home and tell her about this -it is her job to make sure the patients are well cared for and that means emotionally also-let her deal with your brother who is causing problems and see what she recomands. Would it be possible to have her moved closer to your home in a nursing home - maybe talk to the lawyer who set up the POA and let him or her know what is going on since you are the POA it seems that you would have the power to keep him away from your Mom-this has to be upseting to her and that is no way for her to spend her remaiming time being made upset all the time.

You sound like you are in the middle of typical (yet outrageous) family DYSfunction. I would talk to the administrator at the facility and make sure that your mother is not being 'annoyed' by anyone that is visiting her. If necessary, I would hire a 'sitter' to be with her so when someone visits, she can be a witness to what is going on .

With Alzheimers' there is no telling what is really going on, as your mother's 'take' on it may not be what is actually happening. (Trust me, I know.. my mother had Alzheimer's).

Try to get an understanding of what is truly going on from the staff, and see if there is any issue that has to handled using either their staff or an omsbudsman. Perhaps a family CARE PLAN Meeting would be in order, so all know what is going on.

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