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My son and his wife, after a dispute, moved out 3 years ago. They completely shut me out of their lives, including my 2 grandchildren, who lived with me since birth (they are now 20 & 15; Emily & Seth). Another granddaughter Ashley (17) lives near me, along with my son and daughter-in-law. They are a blessing and help me a lot. I love Ashley, but don't see her that much. She does drive me to dr. appointments when I ask, but there is not that grandmother/ granddaughter relationship that I had with Emily. I lost my only daughter years ago and when Emily came along it really helped with that ache I have from losing my daughter. I tried to connect with her on FB but early on she told me she was not allowed to answer any messages I sent her; so I gave up. I really should write a story about my daughter which pain in my heart is always there. I just want to say to all the mothers out there who are fortunate to have a daughter in their lives; be thankful for that blessing. I have 3 sons and they are just not the same as daughters. I think if my daughter had lived my life would be completely different, and I would be happy.

Hi faye - the loss of a child is devastating and the pain and missing never totally leave you. Losing contact with Emily would have triggered off the pain of the loss of your daughter. I know that pain as I lost a son years ago. It is something I am continually processing to some degree. What a good idea to write about your daughter. Have you thought of going for grief counselling or to a grief support group? Continuing to cry over your losses says to me that you could use some help. I am neary 82, and live alone and don't see a lot of my daughter, grandkids or son that live in town, and that's ok, We all have our own lives and our own challenges to deal with.

We have to make our own happiness - make the best of what we have. No one else can do that for us, even your daughter, had she lived. You are fortunate that your son and family that live close help you a lot. I am sorry you are estranged from one of your other sons. I was at one point with one son and his wife. Life happens and it goes on.

Is your glass half full or half empty?
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May I ask what the rest of this story is? What caused the dispute? What was so bad that you have been cut off by your son and DIL? I also wonder what you mean when you say you love Ashley BUT you don’t have the same relationship as with Emily. Does this come across to her? Please, share the rest of the situation, if you can.
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It is normal to cry sometimes when we miss someone. Your crying a lot suggests to me that you are dwelling on what you do not have, and all those negative feelings will affect your wellbeing. And while you are dwelling on what you do not have, you are missing out on opportunities that are out there for you. Try to accept that you cannot change the past. Forgive them because forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. You never know how things will change for the better - including with your estranged son - if you open your heart and mind up to living.
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fayewray, last year was the first time I had seen sig-other's grandchildren in about 10 years. The girls are now teenagers. I was delighted they and their Mom came for a visit.

What frustrated me was that I only had maybe 10 minutes of 1 to 1 face-time with either grand-daughter. They were too glued to their Smartphones, the same with their Mom.

Sig-other just couldn't believe it when he took them sight-seeing in Washington DC, they went by subway.... did they look out the windows to view the city? Of course not, they couldn't lift their heads off their chests.

So, you are not alone when it comes to communications with grand-children. It's a different world for them then it was for us with our own grandparents. Oh how I loved visiting my grandparents.... it was once a year for each set as both sets lived out-of-state. Both lived on farms, and for me growing up in the city, this was a delight having the rooster crow in the morning :)

Oh, teenagers or young adults don't want their grandparents connecting with them on Facebook. Text or drop a short e-mail instead, if possible. And don't worry if they don't answer back. The Kardashians may be doing something very important or the Jenner girl may have a new line of make-up :P
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Grandpad
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You are closer to Emily because she lived with you. I have 2 grandsons by the same Mother. One lived with me till 3 and then we had him every other weekend and the Summer months. He went on vacation with us.

My second GS has a Dad involved so I don't see him as much. Don't think we will be as close either as he grows up. You have to also understand that a 17 yr old has a life. She is probably involved with school and all that goes with it. Then it maybe college. Be glad she does what she does for you.

I have a friend who feels its never her. At this moment I am waiting for an apology for a nasty VM she left me. It has to do with misinformation on her part. I have called, went to VM that was FULL. Then I texted, I had no idea what she was talking about. No reply.

What was the dispute about? You lived together for a number of years. Was it all one sided? Or did you contribute to the problem? If there was something you did, then apologize. And please don't say "but you did this or if u hadn't done that" then the apology means nothing. Own up to what you did only. I know you lived together but as the children aged, did you have too much to say about how the parents were raising them? Even though we didn't live together, my MIL would ignore me when I told her NO to something she wanted to give my daughter when I didn't want her to have it. DH had an Aunt that one time put carrots on my daughters plate and then told her to eat them. I told her R did not like carrots cooked and she didn't need to eat them. The woman sat there and argued with me.

I would send a letter with the apology then its their move. If they don't come around, then you just need to let it go. As the grandkids age and become independent of the parents, maybe they will come back.
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If your daughter had lived your life would have been completely different. Having two daughters of my own, whom I can't imagine losing, I am one hundred percent sure you are right about that.

But.

#1 It does not follow that you would have been happy.
#2 It does not follow that you cannot change anything about your life now to help you feel differently.

Emily, being 20, is, I'm sure and I hope, a busy young woman with a full schedule. But as she matures and makes more decisions for herself, it may well be that she will want to get in touch. I think you're wise not to push it, but leave the door open. You never know.

I think if you'd wanted to say more about what led to the rupture with your son and daughter in law you would have done, so I won't ask.

I'm a little younger than you but I too sometimes find it difficult to engage myself in anything that's anything like as interesting or important to me as my children are. But the fact that they're of consuming interest to us does not mean the feeling is reciprocated! So I've thought for a long time that it is crucial not to build your social or emotional life on your offspring.

Living independently, as I'd see it, rather than alone, and having done for some years, what sort of thing do you like to occupy your time with? What are your interests? What sort of people do you "click" with?
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We can all play the what if game about events in our lives, of course the happily ever after scenarios are really just fantasy and probably real life would have looked nothing like them! I think That an 83 year old woman who is isolated and lonely should be looking to the future and planning how to be supported without becoming a burden to her family, however may there are. I'm not yet 60 but I already have a plan in mind to sell my home and move to a senior's community when I am 75 - I picked that age because I figure I will still be physically and mentally strong enough to find what I need and adapt. Perhaps an independent living community would be able to offer you opportunities to socialize?
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