Husband with dementia obsessed with his good looks!

Trying2doright: You're very welcome!

You have to remember that these concerns that your dad has may be stemming from the past since he has Dementia. What was his profession? Did he work around people where looks were considered top priority . Long term memories don't fade away because they're things that people did over and over . Go into his world when he has these concerns about his looks. Tell him he looks really good, that his skin is perfect etc. Compliments will make him smile .

Thanks very much for the clarification llamalover47! I couldn't find the original comment. Good luck to all!

ya cant win . if a guy treats a woman like a inantimate cog to get his information poked into a computer , then hes a masogenistic a**hole .
actually , i can live with that title .
it beats the s*it out of feeding some chick's freakin ego .
male or female -- overconfidence turns me off from quite a distance .

Continued...with nothing on

Trying: No, she was just saying her husband prances around

Sorry. I just noticed this was your husband and not your dad. Hopefully no girlfriends for your hubby!

An acquaintance about the same age as your dad is a two timing woman chaser as far as I can tell. He meets women online. Recently one he met moved in pretty fast. She had him sprucing up his place. Next was an eyelift. Then he was at Mayo Clinic for a penal implant. I began to observe ( even more) mental decline. I hope it's from the anesthesia and not permanent. The girl friends don't visit very long. Are geographically unavailable most of the time but he sees a shrink to try to decide which one he really wants to settle down with. He is NOT good looking but there appear to be plenty of women available looking for men. So as someone said, watch his checkbook. The one I know has spent a lot of money "dating" and he really can't afford it.

Did the original participant who expressed concern ask for advice? Is that how this started? So, how do we distinguish responding to requests for advice versus having fun with a topic (whether to blow off steam and our own frustrations) perhaps at the expense of someone seeking useful input? I'm not being a fuddy-duddy - I am as stressed as everyone, just wondering how we monitor ourselves as we try to support each other and respond to what is requested. Is there a difference between post a question and post and answer versus posting comments? I'm new to this. Thanks!

Churchmouse and Mulata88: You're welcome! I just started to giggle about anything rising to the occasion...Good grief! Hey, if silky underpants make the man happy, then go for it OP!

Phew! I got kinda scared, since Eng. is not my first language... so, let´s keep on with the levity, where appropriate, right? Thank you CM and LLama.

Oh, ha!, we have not heard a peek squeak from our original poster lady, she could be at Goodwill looking for silky underpants for hubby..........who knows?

M
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You bumped into a 'double entendre', Mulata, that's all. It does mean humour too, in the sense of lifting or lightening a mood.

Origin and Etymology of levitate

levity

Llama,
I looked up the definition of levity, and I had a different understanding of the word. What I meant to say was a bit of "humor", nothing else. Thanks for the observation.
M
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Mulata88: Levity? You crack me up! I hope there is no Levity in this case!

Never a dull moment, is there??? We've read it all! You think?

I want to share my LOL moments reading this thread so far. Seenypa, no extremities??? So, no arms, no legs? How can one prance like that? Roll on the ground? HA!!!

1Sally, get some "Gardeners Hand Lotion" for your hubby, because if it hurts when he grabs you.................well..............that's NO GOOD!!!

Ferris1, you crack me up! That part of his brain will soon ATROPHY???????? hahahahaha, so funny, OMG!!!

To Alexander 4: Seriously, get all the paperwork in order quick! Quick! Play along with him IF you want to. If this is making you uneasy and you feel embarrassed, ignore him. Watch out for expenditures, take him to RiteAid and get him some gradual tanning lotion.
On the implant thing..............you tell him you are going to help him with scheduling appointments, bla blaaaaa, and I would even go to the extreme of going to the dentist for a QUOTE on what he wants done. ADVISE dentist, receptionist, hygienist or whomever that NO, he is not going to get this done, and to keep putting his appointment off to...................NEVER!!!

Get him some "sexy" underwear at Goodwill, and tell him you want to see him in "THAT". I tell you, never a dull moment. Hope you do not mind a bit of levity, since we are all so tired, depressed and burned out, when a topic "lends itself", well.............we run with it. No offense, please. Take care everyone! M 8 8

I lost gramma in May. Prior to that I took her to an Alzheimer's day program every day while I worked. She wanted to shop all the time to show off her excellent wardrobe. She enjoyed the fuss people made. She also wanted Chanel #5, lipstick, etc. She would stand in front of the mirror for an hour every morning after I had her ready to go. However, the hardest part was she loved men and she could be rather inappropriate including go off at the center and kissing (I hope that was all). She would follow men in the grocery store, etc. I was glad she believed she was a young, beautiful girl and the end of her life was happy and exciting but it wasn't easy on my end. If your husband has severe dementia, just tell him okay we will get implants. He won't remember and you can repeat it the next day when he starts up. If he is just beginning the dementia stage, this may be his way of trying to have some control over what is happening to him. God bless you on this journey.

Sexuality and thinking about sex seems to be enhanced with dementia, so just wait long enough and that part of the brain will soon atrophy.

Alex: At 82, is he honestly that good looking? Also, keep the curtains and blinds drawn, else he shock someone with his nudity! Good grief!!!!!

well, buy him some tanning lotion, get Minoxidil (when you stop it, you lose your hair again), and dental implants are okay if he has enough bone and money (they are not inexpensive). He obviously was this way before he got dementia, and I say more power to him! Don't try to dampen his gift of love of self as some other 82 year old may steal him away!

omg susieshoes....that would reaaally make my stomach turn!! lol can't wait to see how people respond!!

Your Dad is quite different from most I've read about. I'm dealing with a variation of this with my FIL, who is 93, and who has become sexually fixated on me. It's all verbal so far, suggestive, etc.. At least he's not buying Viagra or trying to show himself in the buff. LOL I can now count my blessings. But in his case, talking about why what he's doing is wrong/inappropriate does no good. It's like Groundhog Day. Because he can't change his behavior (dementia can't be argued or reasoned with), I've had to find ways to just deal with it. Not always easy.

wow...amazing post!! it's so funny considering most seniors go to the dumpster when it comes to keeping up their personal hygiene and looks!! but..it would drive me crazy too!

If the doctor will play along, get him a placebo hair lotion that he can use with no ill effects. Tell him he has to use it for a year before he will see results.

If he walks around nekkid, then I guess he doesn't have incontinence problems. To get him to wear drawers, would he wear something high-cut or in bright colors or patterns? Tell him he shouldn't reveal all his secrets at once, because a lady likes a more subtle approach.

My approach is to give in or play along or substitute or laugh whenever possible. But if you personally find something disgusting, you have a right to take a stand. It might not work, but you have that right.

And thanks for the visual images! We will never be able to unsee that! LOL.

Unable to do a reality check fuels thoughts, comments, or actions that are not realistic or even appropriate. Maybe his own fight for survival by attempting to restore his former self.
Medical providers, aware of his over-all decline, are unlikely to pursue his wishes. If already diagnosed with dementia, is there a specialist to address geriatric mental health?
A mental health provider may also be able to give you verbal/non-verbal suggestions on best to respond to some of his actions.

If he sits more maybe the nudity won't be so in-the-face. Anything that will give you a change of scenery. Any moments, minutes, or longer periods to give you a break. If his nudity can be addressed, maybe in-home respite is an option.

If you have not already, I would ask for in-home respite so you can get out for awhile. If it requires a mental health diagnosis and recommendation from his doctor, it's worth a try. Any possible angle to decrease his prancing and provide a break to preserve your own sanity.

My Mom has gotten modest. Not that she didn't have it before but this is more like a child that its just finding modesty. Otherwise, I worry more of how she looks than she does. She is 88 and I would say in the later stages of Dementia.

Dear Alexander4 - While it may sound cute, I can understand the concern and when you are on the inside witnessing the behavior it is very concerning, particularly when they get ideas in their head that could be unsafe for them. As for the nudity and preoccupation with appearance, as I understand it, our seniors with dementia can lose their filter and thus their inhibitions, at times leading to exposing themselves inappropriately, lewd comments, etc. If I get my mom new underwear, she goes into how she has to find someone to show them off to, how her breasts are still pretty nice, how she is going to find a 30 y/o - she is 94 and mind you she has always been an extreme prude. Hopefully, it will pass, but you should probably speak with his doctor, there may be medications that need to be adjusted or administered to lessen the confusion or delusions. Ah yes, mom informed me today she will be going to lunch with her old teacher (who has been dead for 20 years). It is tough and a roller coaster rider. I'm with you in trying to ride the course. Good luck!

My dad also used to joke with the nurses and we thought he was a bit frivolous, but as the old saying goes "men", need I say more. : )

Glad to see that someone is worse than my Dad. He looks great for 87 and knows it. I love it, he doesn't look for ways to enhance his looks other than he is a sucker for exercise products that will restore his abs or his youthful muscular look. That is just as dangerous, every tv commercial for a new treatment is fair game. Funnest though was when the young attractive PA was conducting the intake medical and was checking something in the nether regions, she thought he was so sweet and looked kindly at him, and he asked loudly without any sleeze or suggestive intention "Is this going to help me achieve a hard on?" hahah.... He has a secret store of Viagra. I talk till I'm blue about him finding a lady to keep him company and how sex is not the point, the point is to have someone next to you that you know love and trust.... We'll see what happens.

I also see the humor...my husband is a slob...actually there is something new for hair and it's not transplant, so look into it better...my husband won't even put hand lotion on, and his hands a so rough , they hurt when he grabs me.
just hope he doesn't go outside to show off.I wouldn't want to see THAT