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Recently I lost 20 lbs going to weight watchers and eating healthy. He said I have changed and do not cook for him. I have always cooked and sometimes he did. Now he has taken to bed and has not eaten for 4 or 5 days. My son tried to get him something to eat yesterday but he would not. I have tried many times but he will not accept anything from me. I am at a loss as to what to do. I made him an appointment for Tuesday May 29 but he says he will not go. I wanted to take his car to go to the store this morning but he says he will be gone when I come back. I want to leave but I have a dog and can not do that! I am afraid my hubby would die! He is so angry at me but not physically abusive. I just needed to vent. I had reached out earlier to you all. Thank you, Ellie

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Hello all you wonderful, caring people! Things are going well now with my husband. He loves me again! However, I am working harder than ever to keep him happy most days. The summer weather and an adjustment increasing the milligrams in his antidepressant by doctor has helped. He loves taking care of the yard and keeping busy. His appetite has improved a lot. I have one concern....Is it possible he can seem a little too happy? It sounds silly I know; but to go from one extreme to another in such a short time seems odd. I mentioned this to his doctor today and the he said it’s fine as long as he’s not experiencing “Christmas in July” by spending all his money. I handle the finances by paying all the bills on time, etc. and I make a monthly cash withdrawal from his pension for his pocket money. This is for miscellaneous spending money. For instance, he pays cash if we go out to eat a few times a month and other things he buys. He has a credit union savings account account and we save a portion of his pension each month. In the past, he has been very conscientious of our savings (it is not really that large an amount).....now he is withdrawing money more readily for paving our driveway and other expenses. Granted, the money is for improvements around the house and other household things but when the doctor said “Christmas in July” In could not help thinking he is looser with our (his!) money. Maybe it is just me but I can’t help thinking this way! I was wondering if anyone has experienced this type of thing. I did not want to speak up in front of him at the doctors office about this because I have not discussed with my husband yet. I know he feels it is his money in the credit union and I don’t want to argue. He is so happy about doing these things for us and I just worry about it. I know my adult children would not understand my feelings. They would never bring this up to him. Well, maybe I am just venting but thanks for reading my post. ❤️❤️😙
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Ellie, we haven’t heard from you in a while.... how’s it going?
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Ellie, how is it going? Did the hospital put him on any new medication? Moms nurses told me to give any new meds 21 days to see any affect. Has the resource officer been in contact?
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Ellie, if it safe to ride with your husband I would let him do the driving. He's from the old school where the husband drives the car. It was that way with my parents, even though my Mom knew how to drive. This made my Dad feel like he was important.

Have your husband open jars even though you could do so. Have him carry the laundry to where ever it needs to go. My sig other drives me to doctor appointments even though I could drive myself.

I know it may or may not be easy once the time comes when your husband shouldn't be behind the wheel. Does he listen to his own primary doctor? If yes, let the doctor know before hand that you think it is time for your husband to stop driving, let the doctor be the bad guy.

And try to remember, when your husband says hurtful things, it's the Alzhimer's talking not him.
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Actually when my husband was discharged, they didn’t give me any specific information. However, a local Resource Officer was in contact with me during the time he was hospitalized and said he would be in touch with me. I called him today for an update but I have not heard back from him. My hubby has been civil to me and is now eating what I prepare for him. He thanks me. His driving skills are still very good. He has taken me to my doctor appts. and grocery shopping. I thank him. He says “that’s what I am supposed to do”. A family member has a car that they offered to me soon. I know that will cause a lot of trouble for me. He does not want me to drive his van saying I am a lousy driver, etc. I drove for years when I worked. Admittedly, I do not like to drive on snowy days. I have not been driving for a couple of years because he did like to go shopping with me and take me to doctors appointments. Now I feel I need to be able to run errands and drive to my appointments. When I get a car, I know that it will make him hate me more. I feel like I am his maid and housekeeper. I know sooner or later his ability to drive safely will be a big issue! He will not talk to me about these issues because he says I just want to argue with him! The subject of his illness or any such subject is out of bounds! Sorry to go on and on but it helps me to put my feelings in writing. I should actually start a journal. Thank you for reading this venting of mine. Ellie
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You're doing fine, Ellie; just keep in touch. What local resources did the hospital discharge office tell you would be available? Call discharge tomorrow to tell them that no one has been in touch, perhaps?
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I am doing fine. Walking on eggs not to agitate hubby. He hates living with me but says he has no where else to go. I thought I’d hear from local resources by now. Will call Resouce Officer tomorrow. I hope I am responding to all you wonderful in the right place. Not sure I’m using the threads correctly.
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Ellie, how’s it going? Are you going to get some local resources for help?
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Oh Ellie... I agree with rocketjcat. Your hubby may have done the same thing I have seen my honey do which is totally lie to the nursing staff and doctor or not show the side of himself to them that he showed to you. Please see if someone in your family can stay with you until you can get some help. I am hoping and praying that I will not run into the same situation I was having with my honey prior to him going into the hospital when he comes home on the 17th or 18th.

Please take care and keep us posted. I am concerned about you.
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Ellie, yes, please answer Barbs questions, and what were his discharge instructions? What was his diagnosis? What were the other alternatives presented other than coming home? What are the local resources? Are they appearing at your house Monday or do you need to contact them to initiate that? Can your son or daughter stay with you until then?
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Ellie, did you tell the psychiatrist and discharge that you feared being home alone with him?

Is he being prescribed any psych meds?
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He’s back to the same behavior. Slept in his living room recliner and went to bed when I got up to start the day. I have a small dog that needs to go out. He would not eat yesterday and would not accept a cup of coffee this morning. He stayed fully dressed. I guess I will have no contact with local resources until Monday! Back to square one. He’s not talking to me.
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Ellie, Is he now on medication to help with the anger issues or is it just back to business as usual? How is he behaving now? Good news on the car!
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This is Ellie. The hospital discharged him and since there was no where else for him to go he came home. Local resources will be stepping in to help the home situation. I guess I have to keep things calm for him. I am going on with with my daily routine and I will soon have a car. My son offered me a car that they were going to sell. It’s not a new car but perfect size for me. My husband is not aware of this but I am going forward on my daily routines.
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GArden, I don't recall any special endorsement,, but we have had our policies changed over the years. This is hunting county.. and anyone in our house will know hubs hunts..LOL. But have been outed for a trampoline when we had one.. God knows that is a bigger danger..( sarcastic here)
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Ellie, I agree with Barb...so glad your husband is being evaluated by a psychiatrist. My significant other, my honey, is finally going to be.

Congrats on the weight loss! Weight Watcher's is great. You and I are both in the same height range ( I am 4' 10 1/2" and weigh 179) . I am still horizontally challenged but am getting there as well. I understand about the heart problems, though I don't have RA that I know of. I was diagnosed with heart failure in 2003 besides strokes and dormant epilepsy.

Hopefully they can get your husband stabilized. In the meantime, please get some rest and relaxation. It is so important for your health and mental well being. Remember, your hubby is in good hands. Now is the time for you to concentrate on you though I know you worry about him.

Take care...my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I'm so glad that your husband is being seen by a psychiatrist! Hopefully, they will be able to stabilize him on meds so that his mood evens out.

((((hugs)))))))
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Again, thank you for your comments. My hubby is now in the hospital (3 days). He is happy and eating. Saying it is the best food he has ever had and everyone is so nice. I did call him and he was civil to me but not sure he wants to come home. He misses the dog. He does not act mad on the phone but certainly makes me feel like the “bad guy”! It is much more peaceful here at home. I just have a question to ask for your opinions. I’m wondering if I should call him at all....? I have only called a couple of times. A physiatrist called me to hear my story. She asked if I had recently became a vegetarian. I told her no, I had joined Weight Watcher’s a couple of months ago mostly for my health. I am barely 5’ tall and weighed 152. I lost 20 lbs. and felt really well. This is why he said I completely changed. I have cardiac problems and RA and wanted to start walking again. This irritated him also. Well, again your opinions and advice is appreciated.💕
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Pam, you don't have to get a special endorsement for the guns? Did the agent or underwriter require that you store the guns in a gun safe?

I'm beginning to wonder if our particular agent just doesn't want to get involved with insuring guns.
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Pam, so true. It is scary. I just posted on one of my earlier threads about the situation that I am going through with my honey. (How to handle downright mean?). Your post made me take a second look at my instincts though he is in rehab right now.
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Here in Md guns that are in the home are insured as part of your belongings.. Of course they prefer that they are locked up, and will insist on it most likely. When our daughter was born we got a gun safe,, that sucker is better equipped than our house,, and worth every penny for safetys sake! My parents just had dad;s hunting rifles and handguns laying/hidden around the house.. it got worrisome when dad pointed a pistol at mom one night. You never know what a person with mental issues will do.. my dad was the most gentle man ever.Those guns were gone ASAP!!
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Ellie, how is your husband doing in the hospital? Any updates? Are you getting any rest?
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Hi Ellie...so glad he is getting tested. Please keep us posted. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your husband and your son.
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This is Ellie. My husband is in the hospital for testing now. I will update at a later date. Thank you so much for all the information and suggestions. I so appreciate it.
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Techie, I knew were differences between the North and the South and especially on the issue of guns, but I am honestly shocked that guns would be covered by insurance. I met with more than a bit of resistance when I addressed this issue with my agent.

I understand about the fox guarding the henhouse, or rather the guns. The issue would be that gunsmiths have more storage capacity, controlled environment, and more security than the average homeowner. Photographing the guns and identifying them as much as possible would theoretically guard against theft.

But now you've made me rethink the issue. Check your PMs.

Thanks for that information.
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Ellie: TNtechie’s comprehensive list of household dangers is an excellent reference. You can’t be too careful. Your safety is key.
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rocketjcat… I have to admit that I have been posting on both of Ellie's threads. It is a scary situation that Ellie is in. Ellie please be careful and take care.
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Ellie has 2 threads going on this issue. I don’t remember which one I posted this caution on, but yes, Techie, you are absolute correct. Ellie, I hope you are very vigilant around your husband especially if you are alone with him. Even with the guns out of the house there are still other ways he could hurt you. Do not hesitate to call 911 again if you are afraid. Could you have one of your kids stay overnight until you get a handle on this through his doctor?
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Thanks GardenArtist and TN. I don't worry as much about moisture as we clean our guns regularly even if they have not been fired and they are kept in a protective case. I would unload his prior to storage, but mine would be where I could get to it should we have a break in. GardenArtist thank you for your research. I will keep y'all posted.

I went out today to see him and though he got brash a couple of times overall it was a good visit. As to him being physical...I just don't know if he would be capable of that. But I have learned to follow my instincts and will be careful when he comes home. Thank you TN.
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What ever happen to the new technology that was being worked on regarding the "smart gun" where the gun can only be used by the authorized user? I thought that was wonderful news, thus if you have a gun in your house and someone breaks in, if they grab the gun from you it will not fire if the gun is turned on you. The gun is equipped to read a fingerprint or you need to wear a special ring on your hand for it to work.

That would have eliminated most of the terrible school shootings.

Sadly, the NRA didn't like this new technology.
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