Husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s this year. He is 80 years old and is very mad at me. He is accusing me of not cooking for him.

Follow
Share

Recently I lost 20 lbs going to weight watchers and eating healthy. He said I have changed and do not cook for him. I have always cooked and sometimes he did. Now he has taken to bed and has not eaten for 4 or 5 days. My son tried to get him something to eat yesterday but he would not. I have tried many times but he will not accept anything from me. I am at a loss as to what to do. I made him an appointment for Tuesday May 29 but he says he will not go. I wanted to take his car to go to the store this morning but he says he will be gone when I come back. I want to leave but I have a dog and can not do that! I am afraid my hubby would die! He is so angry at me but not physically abusive. I just needed to vent. I had reached out earlier to you all. Thank you, Ellie

Find Care & Housing
52

Comments

Show:
1 2 3 4 5
Hello all you wonderful, caring people! Things are going well now with my husband. He loves me again! However, I am working harder than ever to keep him happy most days. The summer weather and an adjustment increasing the milligrams in his antidepressant by doctor has helped. He loves taking care of the yard and keeping busy. His appetite has improved a lot. I have one concern....Is it possible he can seem a little too happy? It sounds silly I know; but to go from one extreme to another in such a short time seems odd. I mentioned this to his doctor today and the he said it’s fine as long as he’s not experiencing “Christmas in July” by spending all his money. I handle the finances by paying all the bills on time, etc. and I make a monthly cash withdrawal from his pension for his pocket money. This is for miscellaneous spending money. For instance, he pays cash if we go out to eat a few times a month and other things he buys. He has a credit union savings account account and we save a portion of his pension each month. In the past, he has been very conscientious of our savings (it is not really that large an amount).....now he is withdrawing money more readily for paving our driveway and other expenses. Granted, the money is for improvements around the house and other household things but when the doctor said “Christmas in July” In could not help thinking he is looser with our (his!) money. Maybe it is just me but I can’t help thinking this way! I was wondering if anyone has experienced this type of thing. I did not want to speak up in front of him at the doctors office about this because I have not discussed with my husband yet. I know he feels it is his money in the credit union and I don’t want to argue. He is so happy about doing these things for us and I just worry about it. I know my adult children would not understand my feelings. They would never bring this up to him. Well, maybe I am just venting but thanks for reading my post. ❤️❤️😙
(0)
Report

Ellie, we haven’t heard from you in a while.... how’s it going?
(1)
Report

Ellie, how is it going? Did the hospital put him on any new medication? Moms nurses told me to give any new meds 21 days to see any affect. Has the resource officer been in contact?
(2)
Report

Ellie, if it safe to ride with your husband I would let him do the driving. He's from the old school where the husband drives the car. It was that way with my parents, even though my Mom knew how to drive. This made my Dad feel like he was important.

Have your husband open jars even though you could do so. Have him carry the laundry to where ever it needs to go. My sig other drives me to doctor appointments even though I could drive myself.

I know it may or may not be easy once the time comes when your husband shouldn't be behind the wheel. Does he listen to his own primary doctor? If yes, let the doctor know before hand that you think it is time for your husband to stop driving, let the doctor be the bad guy.

And try to remember, when your husband says hurtful things, it's the Alzhimer's talking not him.
(2)
Report

Actually when my husband was discharged, they didn’t give me any specific information. However, a local Resource Officer was in contact with me during the time he was hospitalized and said he would be in touch with me. I called him today for an update but I have not heard back from him. My hubby has been civil to me and is now eating what I prepare for him. He thanks me. His driving skills are still very good. He has taken me to my doctor appts. and grocery shopping. I thank him. He says “that’s what I am supposed to do”. A family member has a car that they offered to me soon. I know that will cause a lot of trouble for me. He does not want me to drive his van saying I am a lousy driver, etc. I drove for years when I worked. Admittedly, I do not like to drive on snowy days. I have not been driving for a couple of years because he did like to go shopping with me and take me to doctors appointments. Now I feel I need to be able to run errands and drive to my appointments. When I get a car, I know that it will make him hate me more. I feel like I am his maid and housekeeper. I know sooner or later his ability to drive safely will be a big issue! He will not talk to me about these issues because he says I just want to argue with him! The subject of his illness or any such subject is out of bounds! Sorry to go on and on but it helps me to put my feelings in writing. I should actually start a journal. Thank you for reading this venting of mine. Ellie
(3)
Report

You're doing fine, Ellie; just keep in touch. What local resources did the hospital discharge office tell you would be available? Call discharge tomorrow to tell them that no one has been in touch, perhaps?
(3)
Report

I am doing fine. Walking on eggs not to agitate hubby. He hates living with me but says he has no where else to go. I thought I’d hear from local resources by now. Will call Resouce Officer tomorrow. I hope I am responding to all you wonderful in the right place. Not sure I’m using the threads correctly.
(3)
Report

Ellie, how’s it going? Are you going to get some local resources for help?
(1)
Report

Oh Ellie... I agree with rocketjcat. Your hubby may have done the same thing I have seen my honey do which is totally lie to the nursing staff and doctor or not show the side of himself to them that he showed to you. Please see if someone in your family can stay with you until you can get some help. I am hoping and praying that I will not run into the same situation I was having with my honey prior to him going into the hospital when he comes home on the 17th or 18th.

Please take care and keep us posted. I am concerned about you.
(1)
Report

Ellie, yes, please answer Barbs questions, and what were his discharge instructions? What was his diagnosis? What were the other alternatives presented other than coming home? What are the local resources? Are they appearing at your house Monday or do you need to contact them to initiate that? Can your son or daughter stay with you until then?
(5)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
Related
Questions