I found this forum by accident or by a guiding hand. I now can't find the discussion that made me want to join. It was in reference to a wife who was having problems with her husbands NPH but couldn't do much about her finances, no POA. Was potentially considering divorce so she could at least not lose everything. Her situation sounded just like my situation except that I have a POA (thank God). Her husband was in denial and just generally sounded like my husband. I was hesitating doing anything because of fear and the anger I knew my husband would have towards me. It was a really difficult decision. I have just recently begun to take charge of our finances. I am in constant doubt due to feelings I have of betraying our relationship. I know it's ridiculous to feel that way because we will be broke if I let him continue to misuse our money. I'm fortunate to have support from my 3 sons, my sister, friends, etc. Even with all the support I question myself. Am I imagining the severity of my husbands NPH? He's not who he was and he's had shunt placement. Now I'm starting to see some pill rolling behavior. This is emotionally exhausting. I have such loyalty towards this man! It's just hard to work through all of the emotional mess. I will continue with my appointments next week with the bank, our retirement account, and other necessary moves to keep us from going down the rabbit hole, but all the while I'll be crying inside for the life I'm mourning and what seems like the deceitful choices I have to make for us. Thanks for the opportunity to vent and for the support from those of you who are in a similar situation. This is a wonderful venue to have available.
I've set up 2 meetings this week to get partial control of our finances and to gather information. It saddens me but I have to protect us.
In dementia care you'll here the phrase "therapeutic fib," which means withholding or twisting the truth is done for the good of the patient. This is a very traumatic situation for you and I'm very sorry you're in it. Getting the financial safeguards in place will help calm you and bring you peace about that very important part of your life together, so that you can focus on the other needs going forward. Give yourself credit for doing the work, and take care of yourself as much as you can for the challenging journey. Let us know how it goes and how you're doing.
Thank you!
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-is-the-right-thing-to-do-i-have-to-get-him-out-of-here-493723.htm?