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At out last visit to neurologist Dr said still mild stage. My husband also has psychological issues: depression, frustration and a lot of anger. I am wondering if he could have frontal temporal dementia bc of his nastiness. Not only does he get angry w me, he gets like that w others too at times ( ex. At Dr offices, in restaurants, when running into friends etc). I am not too willing to go out socially w him bc I never know when he may lash out. He has also, when extremely angry w me, made verbal threats: "going to slit your throat so I don't have to listen to that voice of yours", " hope you go to sleep and don't wake up". He usually apologizes - not sure if this is Sundowners bc he sometimes gets like this during the day too. He now goes to am Adult Medical Day Care program 3 days in a week : for PT , socializing, activities etc. he started last week. So far he likes it. I pray he won't get mad at anyone there. They will not accept behavior problems the social worker told me.
Guess I just need to vent. Is anyone else experiencing these anger issues? We have had problems in our marriage in the past ( decades ago ) and of course these get brought up often. Thanks

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Thanks. We learned about " therapeutic fibbing" in support group.
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Husbands can be very hard to take care of.

Protect yourself, but remember when he is angry that it's probably because he is afraid. Maybe in the early part of an anger episode, you could try to reassure him that he will always have you to watch over him.

I find that when my husband is angry at someone else, I can remind him of all his successes and accomplishments in life, and that will soothe his anger. It's a reminder that he was an effective powerful man. I started to read "On Pluto," written by a man with mild dementia, who got angry a lot. Maybe his experience can help you ease your husband's pain.

Don't argue or disagree unless you absolutely have to. I "agree" that my husband should kill a bully from 50 years ago, but I told him he will need to walk to the next state to buy a gun! Say, "Is that a fact!" as a response to some of his nonsensical ideas. Learn to lie to avoid trouble. Honesty can be overrated. Good luck!
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Last time I called 911 instead of crisis line. I only called because of his rantings about wanting to die. I asked them to transport him to the psych ER at a hospital not too far away. He was there for hours and the sheriff / EMT's told me I didn't have to go bc it was late and that hospital is in a pretty rough neighborhood. The Dr's/ nurse on duty called me during the pm. They didn't keep him in the psych part of the ER bc there were some very tough characters there that pm ( that is what the psychiatrist told me). He was discharged at 2:30 am and I told the nurse I could not pick him up at that time. I do not see well at night and aciwas afraid to go into that neighborhood. They sent him home in a special Van w the diagnosis: depression. By the way, he has been on Valium for years as well as Paxil for anxiety. My daughter firmly believes the long term use of these drugs could have caused the cognitive decline. His psychiatrist has kept him on them for years and years. He refuses to go off of them. We went for a second opinion to another psychiatrist several months ago. This dr said he would take him as a patient but only if he was willing to wean off the Valium and try something else. My husband refused
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Thanks everyone. My cell phone is next to me at all times when he is around. I have crisis programmed in there as well as other immediate services if necessary to call.
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Research info with AFTD, Association for FrontoTemporal Dementia, which has a lot of information available as well as support groups. Your husband may well be incorrectly diagnosed. Many with FTD are first diagnosed with Alzheimer's or as being bipolar. Also check out UCSF website, Univ. of Calif. San Francisco, neurological dept as it is well known for its services in this area. There some medications which are helpful with the symptoms. It is wuite possible upur doctor is inexperienced with AFTD. Ask for brain scans, spinal tap and other diagnostic tests to be done. Lock up or get rid of the obvious weapons. Have a "go bag" so you can leave immediately in an emergency, and keep your phone charged and on you all the time.
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Those threats are extremely alarming. I would discuss it with his doctor immediately and see what course of action you might take to protect yourself.
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Oh wow. Hugs. My heart goes out to you.

What do the doctors say about the anger and other behavioral issues? Have they tried any meds for these problems?

I'm with you in hoping his behavior problems don't emerge at the day program. If all goes well there, could you increase it to 5 days a week? You certainly need a break!!

You love him. You must, to stick it out this far. But love will not protect you from irrational violence. The fact that he is talking of slitting your throat is very worrisome. Have you talked to his doctor about this? You absolutely have to take yourself out of harm's way. For your sake, certainly, but also for his. Without you, who would advocate for this man you love?

This may be a phase of the dementia, and with a suitable medication maybe you can weather it until it passes. But I sincerely think you should start looking at long-term care centers. Because of the behavioral issues he may need a Memory Care facility. I am extremely sorry to suggest that. But realistically it may be necessary.

It really doesn't matter what "stage" the dementia is in. He is in a stage that makes him a potential danger to you. That is what you need to accept.

Please stay in touch here. I'm thinking of you and want to hear how this progresses.
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Did you tell this to the neurologist?
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