At out last visit to neurologist Dr said still mild stage. My husband also has psychological issues: depression, frustration and a lot of anger. I am wondering if he could have frontal temporal dementia bc of his nastiness. Not only does he get angry w me, he gets like that w others too at times ( ex. At Dr offices, in restaurants, when running into friends etc). I am not too willing to go out socially w him bc I never know when he may lash out. He has also, when extremely angry w me, made verbal threats: "going to slit your throat so I don't have to listen to that voice of yours", " hope you go to sleep and don't wake up". He usually apologizes - not sure if this is Sundowners bc he sometimes gets like this during the day too. He now goes to am Adult Medical Day Care program 3 days in a week : for PT , socializing, activities etc. he started last week. So far he likes it. I pray he won't get mad at anyone there. They will not accept behavior problems the social worker told me.
Guess I just need to vent. Is anyone else experiencing these anger issues? We have had problems in our marriage in the past ( decades ago ) and of course these get brought up often. Thanks
Protect yourself, but remember when he is angry that it's probably because he is afraid. Maybe in the early part of an anger episode, you could try to reassure him that he will always have you to watch over him.
I find that when my husband is angry at someone else, I can remind him of all his successes and accomplishments in life, and that will soothe his anger. It's a reminder that he was an effective powerful man. I started to read "On Pluto," written by a man with mild dementia, who got angry a lot. Maybe his experience can help you ease your husband's pain.
Don't argue or disagree unless you absolutely have to. I "agree" that my husband should kill a bully from 50 years ago, but I told him he will need to walk to the next state to buy a gun! Say, "Is that a fact!" as a response to some of his nonsensical ideas. Learn to lie to avoid trouble. Honesty can be overrated. Good luck!
What do the doctors say about the anger and other behavioral issues? Have they tried any meds for these problems?
I'm with you in hoping his behavior problems don't emerge at the day program. If all goes well there, could you increase it to 5 days a week? You certainly need a break!!
You love him. You must, to stick it out this far. But love will not protect you from irrational violence. The fact that he is talking of slitting your throat is very worrisome. Have you talked to his doctor about this? You absolutely have to take yourself out of harm's way. For your sake, certainly, but also for his. Without you, who would advocate for this man you love?
This may be a phase of the dementia, and with a suitable medication maybe you can weather it until it passes. But I sincerely think you should start looking at long-term care centers. Because of the behavioral issues he may need a Memory Care facility. I am extremely sorry to suggest that. But realistically it may be necessary.
It really doesn't matter what "stage" the dementia is in. He is in a stage that makes him a potential danger to you. That is what you need to accept.
Please stay in touch here. I'm thinking of you and want to hear how this progresses.