I would have divorced him years ago especially after I learned he was also unfaithful. He traveled most of the times and we have two children. I guess I stayed with him for the children and couldn't see how I could make it financially without him. My children are now grown. After 46 years of marriage he still the condescending and abusive person he always was to me anyway. Except now I am always the bad guy. I am just freaking tired and want out. I'd like to enjoy my grand babies and travel a little. Instead I am the hired help with no gratitude whatsoever. Help! And don't say it's just the disease.

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Obviously it is not just the disease in this case. This behavior has been going on since long before the disease. The severity and lack of comprehension about it may be related to the disease.

So, what would you like to have happen? A divorce? A legal separation? Just to get away, perhaps staying with each of your children several weeks? Do you want to stay in the house and have him removed?

I think you need a lawyer to tell you what your options are. Pick a firm that has both experts in Elder Law and in Family Law. Start with the Elder Law attorney. No matter what else happens, you are no longer willing to care for this man. What agencies should you notify? What is the best way to handle his care financially? And the family lawyer can talk to you about divorce, separation, alimony, what happens to the house, etc. etc.

It's hard to know what to tell you. I think with the way you are feeling, I would take an extended vacation, then decide where to go from there. It doesn't sound like a pleasant life you are living. How far into the dementia is he? People can live many years with it. If you are abused and burned out, it may be time for you to look for other options for his care that don't include you. I know it's easier for me to say that than it is for you to do it. It can get complicated. Would you be able to support yourself if you did leave?

I hope you can find away to take some time away to yourself and sort things through.

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