This morning, my husband tells me that I have become too negative and I am always complaining. Well, I am the only caregiver for my mother with dementia, my brothers don't get involved and my husband won't do anything either. I am expected to care for Mom, him, the pets, all the household work, and still manage to work a job as much as I can with a chronic back issues. I am in pain all the time. Certain things aggravate my back to where I am almost immobile and wake up feeling like someone hit me in my lower back with a board. I am a prisoner and feel I live my life for everyone else's happiness and expectations other than my own. So, how am I to exude happiness when this is my life? He expects his dinner to be ready when he comes home, God help me if I haven't planned that out or I get a guilt trip.
For the record, he is not Mr. Positive. I can admit, I know that I am not "happy go lucky" anymore, but he does nothing to help make anything easier for me, just added expectations. I feel like everyone's slave.
How do I pretend that I am just fine when I am far from it? I think about dying much of the time because I am so miserable. I have already done the therapy thing for years and it did not help. I have been given every medication you can imagine for depression and they just have bad side effects. I feel like my marriage is taking a bad turn now and feeling even more helpless. Anyone else been through this?