Follow
Share

I have posted about this before as I have had several nightmarish trips to the ER with my dad (who has dementia) over the years.


Today the memory care called to tell me he has a fever and is kind of out of it, which is his go to when about to get sick...when he got pneumonia, kidney infection... in previous ER trips.


I just live with this fear of that call and another ER trip (alone) possibly in the middle of the night.. and then having to arrange 24/7 care for him while in the hospital.. I just dont know how many more of these I can survive.. god.. I pray it doesn't go that way this time.


He always seems to recover but it takes a chunk out of my soul each time... its so hard to deal with this for years and years with no end.


Just needed to vent...

Thanks guys for the comments..it really helps to have understanding. My dad was on hospice almost 5 years ago when he needed a pacemaker and declined it. After. that he was in and out of the hospital and ER rooms for lots of unrelated issues.. everything from pneumonia, gall bladder infection, kidney infection, broken ribs from a fall, broken knee cap from a fall.. each of those were hell .. dementia + ER is hell... especially when you are there all by yourself... which I always am.

Talked to the nurse earlier and they gave him Tylenol for his fever and was feeling better.. they had to put him in a wheelchair earlier because he was so week. Its just a never ending merry go round with him.

I do wonder about Palliative care...that is different from hospice as I understand. My dad's issue is that he gets so weak... he is hard for the memory care to handle him.. when he is sick.. he has bounced back before tho.. hopefully he will be able to be treated in house this time. The dr will be there tomorrow morning.
(0)
Report

Has your dad been evaluated for Hospice or Palliative care?

Palliative care in the NH made it necessary for them to call us before they transported mom to the ER. We routinely refused and had her treated 'in house".
(1)
Report

I get your nerves about the middle of the night calls. I sometimes take a sleep aid, and by gosh that would be the night for the call.. Having to get up and orientated, get Mom ready ( in her panic) get hubs up to drive,,, then sit there.. forever it seemed. until dad was admitted or released back to MC. It is SO hard, and I feel for you.
(1)
Report

I understand. I care for my bedridden husband and no one gives a flying one about how I’m doing. Actually, they don’t care about Hubby either. I haven’t heard from his family in well over two years.

My mother(with dementia) did the same thing when she was hospitalized with a major UTI. They wound up tying her wrists to the bed rails. Apparently hospitals are allowed to do that. Plus she was combative and we all got tired of being gouged, pinched and slapped. They did put her in a room within sight of the nurses station. That helped with her off the wall behavior. The staff did watch her constantly and she never fell while she was in the hospital.
(1)
Report

thanks Ahmijoy,

This is the only place people understand my fear and anguish over this.. when I tell any relatives.. their concern.. if there is any at all..is for my Dad..and never for me.

The reason I have to have 24/7 care is because hospitals aren't equipped to deal with dementia patients... he tries to take out his IV.. tries to get up to go to the bathroom.. whether he can or not, they are my eyes and ears when I am not there. If there is a way around this though.. I wouldn't mind not hiring people.

I guess if he is out of it he wouldn't do all those things.. but in previous hospital stays I felt I couldn't leave him alone.
(0)
Report

I’m so sorry, Katie. The Memory Care probably feels “better safe than sorry” with your dad. My mom’s facility used to send her to the ER when they weren’t sure what was going on with her. ERs are scary places for everyone. There’s nothing comfortable or welcoming about them. You aren’t alone in your feelings and they’re perfectly normal.

Why do you need to arrange care for him while he's in the hospital? Is he a wander risk? Ask the hospital social workers to help. That’s what they’re there for.

Sending many hugs your way. Hang in there.
(2)
Report

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter