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Jeannegibbs, I'm with you, been there, done that, got the plaque! My siblings and I downsized our parents 4 times, and now they are gone, but I am all for downsizing OUR house, and Windy, I have a bunch of old slippers too, now why is that? The second my FIL makes his final exit to wherever, that is the first thing we are doing, but it starts now! We have so much stuff, its incredible! And our four grown kids are all minimalists, I mean, very tidy, neat, a place for everything and everything in its place kind of kids! Where in the heck did they learn that?
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Windyridge, you realize that you are not getting your parents to downsize -- you are doing it for them, piece by piece. You are not doing less work than someone who don't do it until the parents die -- you are just spreading the work out at your convenience. Which is perfectly legitimate and may suit you better. But it is not the same as getting your parents to do some of the work while they are able.

I guess I never aspired to be your mom, so I'm not hurt that you wouldn't like that. :)

A thread that talks about downsizing OUR stuff would suit me better than one about getting our parents to do theirs.
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Pam, I loved your idea of traded out some of my things for parents stuff, thank you ;)

Now I will donate my tin containers that I use to hold paperclips and use some really sweet small but heavy china bowls that my Mom had in the kitchen. Also found my baby shoes that were coated in brass or whatever and made into bookends, will switch those out, too.

You idea is making it more enjoyable then just pawing through stuff.
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FF, reciprocating saw? I'm impressed. AKA Sawzall....

J Gibbs, I'm so glad you're not my Mom. And I say that with affection....
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I think my mom didn't downsize out of spite. She always said she didn't care what I had to deal with. One 5 foot tall old lady in a 4 BR home FULL of junk, clothes, shoes, and unopened sheets from 1970. (Save them! I might have company!) Said the woman who detested the idea of other people in her home.

I have a 24" box full of underwear that's not my size, but I haven't been able to get it donated. I did find a merry widow in there from the late 1960s. Complete with stocking clips. Oy.

90% of the crap we moved 1800 miles has been donated and I feel like there's another 90% to get to. I know, it doesn't add up. I could have saved myself a metric truck load of grief and hard work by NOT moving it, but she had to have it all. Even the durn brass spitoon. She could have kept $3,000 in her bank account. But nooooooo.

If I had it to do over again, there are many things I'd do quite differently, but what did I know at the time?

My husband & I will downsize. Probably when the kids are gone & on their own. I have a ton of yarn for knitting and other craft supplies that take up a lot of space. Video games (we're nerds), and the stuff I "inherited" from other relatives that I can't dispose of until some more years pass. My house is where other peoples' things come to die. Uggg.
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JG I'll take the cake pans....LOL
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I had to empty out my parents home of thirty years. What I did was make a list of all the furniture and send it to my siblings telling them to check off what they wanted and come get it NOW. I put the names on the furniture and they walked around and filled their cars. Unfortunately, I was stuck doing the rest of the entire hoard of a five bedroom home full of the possessions of past dead relatives, parents wedding gifts, a full basement and attic. No body wanted anything. Just like Windy up there I had to deal with all the crap secretly.
I had to do this three more times with each hoarder parent separately after this till they are now in a NH. NUTS! ....Oh, another hint= if they offer you ANYTHING say thank you and donate or toss it- I even asked to have things saying Ooo! I love this may I have it? Load up the car and say thank you so much! :D
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Windy, I have found 100's of prescription pill bottle caps throughout the house. The bottle is gone but all those caps. Even caps from the milk cartons.

I don't know, maybe those were "trophies" of finally getting the darn bottle/carton opened :)

I know there were times I ready to use a reciprocating saw on a Tylenol bottle !!
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This is a valuable discussion. With all the other issues of careing for elderly parents there's always the issue of the crazy amount of STUFF that has to be dealt with at some point. After my sibs died leaving me as the sole, long distance caregiver I was a year or so just assessing the situation, dealing with finances, meds, crisis and all the rest. I began chipping away at the STUFF a little at a time during each visit.

I use the strike from the shadows approach. This may not work if your folks are aware of every piece of dreck and junk in their universe but in my case with Dads dementia, Moms lack of mobility, and lots of naps I have been able to take a pretty good whack at the STUFF for the past couple of years.

GARAGE: It's an unattached garage so I can really go to town out there. I've gotten all the dangerous power tools out, a little at a time, chainsaws to nephews, electric hedge trimmers to neighbor etc. Also tons of junk hauled to the dump. So far Dad hasn't noticed. I've left just enough tools fo him to piddle around and this seems to work.

KITCHEN: OMG!! Every cabinet full of plastic and paper grocery bags, every microwave container since 1978, vega matics and a hundred other gizmos and appliances that are never used, every empty prescription pill bottle since the beginning of time, and on and on........All gone. Remember those nap times?

CLOSETS: A little trickier. Never know what Mom might go dredging up. Capri pants from 1962 maybe. But have taken huge loads to goodwill and to dump. How many pair of slippers is it possible for two people to accumulate? Amazing...

And so it goes on each trip home. Did I forget to mention the six tons of junk mail that Mom is saving to sort through later? That crap is so gone!

I'll still have a lot to do when the day comes but I've made a huge dent in the pile.
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This aging partent will downsize when I'm good and ready, thank you very much, and if my kids don't approve of and respect my decisions, tough!

(We are ALL aging. What is the alternative? You stop aging when you die.)

If I die tomorrow I truly pity my kids. I'm not ready, and they won't be ready. But anyone could die tomorrow. I'm not living my life based on that possibility.

I've acquired a lot of things that give me enjoyment to own. They won't mean anything to my descendants. So I expect I'll eventually clear them out, as I see my cousins doing gradually with their collections and unnecessary but fun items. And if I guess wrong about how much time I have left to downsize and my kids are stuck with the job, well, hey kids, I've done a whole lot of tasks for you over the years that weren't exactly fun or of my choosing. Suck it up and get it done. And if it really is all meaningless to you, just hire someone to clear stuff out. There ought to be enough value there to pay for the service.

I've got a load of stuff for the thrift store next week. I gave away a golf set last summer. I'm slowly sorting books for the used book store I use. I don't want the clutter around, either. But I'LL DECIDE what goes when. If one (or all) of the kids said, "Let me know if you want any help clearing some stuff out of the basement," I'd be grateful. If one said, "Mom, isn't it time to clear out these 500+ cake pans you've collected -- I don't want to have to deal with them after you die," it would be a good long time before I'd bake a cake for him again!

One person's clutter is another person's fond memories.
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BTW you motivated me today! Hubs will be making a Goodwill run Monday as we have a new couch coming.. and I got a ton more stuff for him ( I was slowly going through stuff but with Mom away I was able to really get to it today!) Thank you!!
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Pam, thanks for the heads up on the Estate Sale people. I just want the big stuff out of the house, as the smaller things I can deal with if not sold.

GardenArtist, would you believe that coming soon we will see those 10 ream copy paper boxes be in decorative designs. I forgot which company will be doing those, I remember taking a survey last year through Quill to see which design boxes I liked. The designs were floral :)
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FF I still have nightmares about cleaning out my folks house so I feel for you. first off if you can get a dang roll off dumpster. We were lucky the folks who bought the house had one and we could add to it. They allowed us time after settlement to move more out as they were remodling the place. My advise as to the estate acutioneers is to be very careful. We hired a service with great referals and got taken big time. Antique shop, tons of antiques... diddly squat for parents. It is luck of the drawl... bad weather hurt us too ( december) Mom gave things to each cousin, then some of them bought some of the antiques.. but if they helped us with the clean out they got a lot free...
I love the idea of a service agency that may need stuff for fire victims, etc. I also traded out some of my things for parents much nicer stuff, let my stuff go to sale/goodwill. This is a horrible mess for those of us who get to deal with it.. my local goodwill knows me by name at this point as I am trying to clean out so MY daughter does not have to deal!
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I thought this to be the case until I read Kate Atkinson"s novel " A God in Ruins " where the author powerfully describes what it is like for the elderly parent to see their belongings downsized and feel they are being ushered out of this phase of their life. So I guess there is a balance between the practical and the emotional , I was certainly struck by her writing and understood more my parents reluctance to move. For UK readers on this site, there is an equivalent chat forum called agesapce.org which i have found as helpful for an insight into how the care system works in the uk .
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I remember that contact paper was very popular years ago. I used to bring home those large Hammermill paper boxes that held about 10 reams of paper, and cover them with contact paper. I still have dozens of them filled with material.

Actually, I liked them as there were some really attractive patterns, and the boxes were free from work.
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My mother has contact paper on the the kitchen floor.
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GardenArtist, yes I found some of my childhood old wooden puzzles that I bet have lead paint. Oops.

I will see what an Estate Sale person can do, in fact I plan to add to my Mom's collection with my own dishes/glassware that I rarely, if ever, use. When was the last time any of us had neighbors over for tea and used our Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles? Or china service that has gold rim that sets off sparks if used in a microwave? Or used a silver place setting, beautiful stuff but I remember the folks and spoons had a odd taste.

What doesn't sell in the Estate Sale, I do have a nearby church sponsored place that takes a lot of goods, plus there is also a nearby Goodwill. Today I pulled out about a 100 VHS tapes that my parents had that I will need to go through and take to Goodwill [the only place that will take these old tapes]. For the past 10 years Dad said he was going to transfer the tapes to CD, but that never got done... [sigh].

And what is it with all the contact paper? My gosh, my Dad's desk had some type of contact paper that I can't get out. All the kitchen cabinets and drawers, contact paper. And old large speaker that I thought was wood grain, yep it was contact paper :) And need to figure out how to get all the backing fuzz off the antique wooden kitchen table from a vinyl tablecloth that my Mom had on the table for decades.
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FF, what about contacting a charity, or a church, to find a family in need that could use the items? You could also call 211 for assistance in finding a charity that could help locate a needy family.

There's also the St. Vincent and Sarah Fisher organization, which I believe even has a thrift shop in the SE Michigan area; I don't know whether it's a national charity though.

Another thought is to contact the closest military base and ask for contact information for the services family support groups. There might be a family in need that could use some assistance.

These suggestions would apply more toward clothing or old toys and such stuff (you did find some of your toys, didn't you?)

As to the old computers, perhaps there's a technological museum in the area that might want the old gems.
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Mincemeat, great idea about passing out heirlooms and knick knacks while the relatives could enjoy them... not wondering now what will I do with this gravy boat that I am trying to downsize :P

I am only child with no children so all those things stops in its tracks. I need to figure out how to pass on these things to my cousins, but they are also senior citizens like myself and most don't have any children, either. Oh well, I will figure out something.
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An idea that I wished my parents would have done is to start gifting family heirlooms and knick knacks NOW!!!! Most seniors are either on a limited budget OR do not get around well enough to enjoy shopping. Instead, why not give golf clubs or a nice piece of crystal to the children and great grand children to mark Easter, graduation, weddings, birthdays or Christmas.

I saw a neat idea somebody had for the 40 days of lent this year. Find a large bag or box. Each day of lent, put a good piece of clothing, household item or whatever to donate to a thrift or charity store at the end of the observance.

GA, I feel your pain...it is overwhelming. I admire your approach of one corner of one room at a time.
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