Since I began looking after my mom things have gotten much better. But I have seen so many caregiver just fall apart at the seams. I have to say Caregivers are not given the information they need when they go into this situation.
If they knew the h*llish journey that they are about to leap they put in some safeguards to protect their sanity and health. First of all living in the home full time is very bad because you are never off duty. You are at work or on call 24/7 that's 168 hours a week. They are often dealing with a mentally impaired person that is not cognizant of their needs. Their life slips away from them so fast because each day is the same. They often meet with financial disaster because the patient needs grow and grow. Most don't get a dime for their labor, no real understanding of such sacrifice, & then others say pay up for room and board. To be a caregiver is a true life disaster, that no one even considers. To maintain a small amount autonomy to protect your sanity, you must have safeguards in place. You need boundaries, a manager to protect your interest, you must have someone to protect your interest. Caregivers die much sooner than none care givers. Even God took time for himself, you are not God. You can not be sane and be on call 24/7, and you must stand firm when your family belittles you. Make a contract with family members with real bite in it and use it, or walk away. It's generally best to walk away regardless. There is a 30% chance you will not live through it anyway. Why destroy yourself. Yet there are a few like my grandmother that was a saint to the end. She comforted me as she died, caressing my hand, saying she knew where she was going and she was looking forward to it. I saw her again a few days after she passed, I know now she always told the truth. She was a rare soul. Do not dilute yourself into thinking other are so good, no one, not my moms, mother or someone else in my family has a true love to guide them as she, not even me,LOL. Typed this on my phone so there must be typos.